


Fatherly Sides

by Bright_Sea



Series: Jan and Pat's Journey [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blood, Bubble Bath, Car Accidents, Comforting!Sleep | Remy Sanders, Cooking, Daydreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Dysphoric Daydreams, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt!Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Emotionally Hurt!Creativity | Roman Sanders, Emotionally Hurt!Logic | Logan Sanders, Emotionally Hurt!Morality | Patton Sanders, Emotionally Hurt!Remus Sanders, Emotionally Hurt!Sleep | Remy Sanders, Family Angst, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt!Deceit Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Kid Fic, Kid Remus, Kid Virgil, M/M, Married Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Mentions of Cancer, Nightmares, Parent Deceit Sanders, Parent Morality | Patton Sanders, Parenthood, Physical Therapy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Scratching, Self-Harm, Serious Injuries, Therapy, Tickling, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Triggers, car crashes, injuries, kid logan, kid roman, light descriptions of injures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 50,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Sea/pseuds/Bright_Sea
Summary: There are good and bad days when it comes to being a father. Deceit and Patton learn all about it while raising their four boys.





	1. New Arrival

For being a father of three, Deceit considered himself a calm man. He could trapeze his way throughout the wreckage of his and his husband’s home with ease. With three kids, the place was always a mess and one wrong move could send him to bed early with an ice-pack on his head. He never let the mess or the threat of a bump on his head irritate him though. He instead encouraged the kids to play to their heart’s content. And on the days when it was the kids he needed to trapeze around, Deceit handled it with ease with his partner by his side. Yes, Deceit was quite the calm one but today was different.

Any minute now, Patton would be returning home with his and Deceit's new son. He had left only an hour ago, driving right for St. Joan Orphanage. Deceit had wanted to tag along of course but had agreed to stay home when asked to by his husband. There was still a lot of preparations that needed finishing before Virgil came home. 

Deceit smiled as he thought about the little boy. Virgil was five years old, going on six. His favorite color was purple and he loved spiders. Patton hated the creepy critters and wonderful little Virgil had said he’d stop liking them if it would make Patton feel better. The boy’s selflessness had done things to both Deceit’s and Patton’s hearts and it was that moment that they knew they needed Virgil in their lives. Now, after many more visits and a mess of paperwork, the boy would finally be coming home.

“Pop?” 

Logan peaked in on his father. He was the oldest of Patton and Deceit’s children, 16 years old.

Deceit smiled at his son. “Logan!” he cried. “Need something?”

“Just checking up on you. You’ve been here since dad left.”

Deceit glanced at the clock on the wall and let out a breath.  _ Soon _ , he realized.  _ They should be home soon _ . 

Logan stepped into the bedroom. His eyes roamed over the walls, bedding, and shelves stuffed full of books and toys. “It looks good, Pop,” he said, smile genuine. 

A breath of relief rushed out of Deceit and he gave his son a thankful smile. Since Patton left, Deceit had been wandering around the room he and Patton had designed especially for their little boy. He fluffed the pillows and rearranged the mess of stuffed animals on the shelves. He even fiddled with the spider-patterned curtains. Though Patton hated spiders, he had suffered away with hanging curtains in the room that were splattered with the little creatures. “It’s his room,” Patton said. “And this is what he likes. I won’t take it from him.” 

“Where are Roman and Remus?”

“In their room. I told them to play in there until Virgil came to them.”

Deceit ruffled Logan’s hair. “Smart boy,” he praised. 

Virgil was shy and anxious, nothing really peculiar for a boy his age. Especially one who had never had a real family before. This change was going to be a lot for him and it was best not to overwhelm him on the first day all at once.

Deceit rolled his shoulders and gave the room one more look over before leaving it with Logan. “I’ll get some supper ready,” he said. “How’s homemade pizza sound?”

“Perfect, pop,” Logan reassured. “I’m sure Virgil will love it too.”

Again, Deceit gave his eldest a thankful smile and the two went their separate ways, Deceit disappearing into the kitchen and Logan into his room.

* * *

Deceit had just popped an extra cheese pizza into the oven when he heard the front door crack open.

“Hey, Fam, we’re home!”

Excitement and nervousness flew around Deceit’s stomach. “In the kitchen!” he called.

Patton walked into the kitchen before Deceit had even finished, having smelled his husband’s cooking. In his arms was little Virgil. The kid was clinging onto Patton for dear life but was staring around himself in wild curiosity. 

Deceit set the timer and slowly approached his son. He smiled as gently as he could. “Hey, honey,” Deceit said and he opened his arms. 

Virgil slowly eased himself out of Patton’s hold and crawled into Deceit’s. He clung to his father for a second before relaxing and wrapping his arms around Deceit in a tight hug.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“In their rooms. They didn’t want to crowd you.”

A blush colored Virgil’s cheeks. “That’s nice,” he said and he looked between his dads. “C...can I meet them later?”

“Of course, Kiddo,” Patton said. “Are you tired? We can go to your room?”

Virgil bobbed his head and Patton led the way up the stairs to where the kids’ bedrooms were. Vigil’s room was between Logan’s and the twins. Deceit and Patton had hoped that the placement would help Virgil not feel too alone when night time came around.

As they entered the bedroom, Virgil let out a startled gasp. Deceit set him down, letting his son walk freely around the new space. Virgil’s steps were slow as he looked around his bedroom. He took everything in a little bit at a time, mouth hanging wide open in awe. 

“This…” Virgil looked at his fathers with wide eyes. “...is  _ my  _ room?”

Both Patton and Deceit nodded. “Do you like it?” they asked.

Virgil’s fingers ran over the spider curtains. As they did, tears burned in the corners of his eyes. He ran to Deceit and Patton then, tackling them both in a hug that would’ve been bone crushing if he had been just a wee bit bigger.

“I love it,” Virgil whispered and he cried in his fathers’ arms. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Both Deceit and Patton dropped a kiss to the boy’s head. “You’re welcome,” they whispered. “We love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1-3 will focus on Virgil meeting his new family. Chapter 4 will be a time jump to a few months after.


	2. Meeting Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets Logan.

Out of all their kids, Logan would probably be the best starting point for Virgil. Logan was never too loud or obnoxious, a stark contrast to his younger brothers. It was for that reason that Deceit stood in front of Logan’s bedroom door with Patton and Virgil now. 

“It’s open!” Logan called as Patton knocked on the bedroom door and the two fathers and Virgil entered.

Logan’s room, as always, was neat. Various spelling bee and science fair awards sat on the shelves scattered along his wall. They were all clean of dust and Logan’s favorites were even freshly polished. His bed was made too, the only thing out of place on it is a book on climate change that was sitting half-open on Logan’s pillow. Logan was perched at his desk as always. His computer was running, over twelve tabs open. Most of the tabes led to scholarly articles and science blogs. 

Logan’s eyes went right to Virgil as Patton and Deceit entered. There was a smile on his face and excitement in his eyes as he stared at his new little brother. As the eldest, Logan was used to being introduced to new, younger siblings. He knew the dos and don’ts quite well so starting his and Virgil’s first meeting off with a smile was something he knew was a must.

“Virgil, Honey, this is your big brother Logan.” Deceit introduced and he walked a little further into the room. Virgil clung to him tighter as he moved and Deceit slowed his steps, not wanting to push Virgil on his first day.

Logan noticed his brother’s actions instantly. He waved at his little brother. “Hi, Virgil,” he said gently. “Dad and Pop said you like spiders. Is that true?”

Virgil looked between his new parents. When they nodded at him, he turned back to look at his brother and nod back.

“Have you ever seen a peacock spider?”

Virgil’s eyes widened comically and he shook his head. 

Logan quickly typed something into the search bar of his computer, bringing up a video of said spider. 

On seeing the eight-legged creature, Virgil wiggled in Deceit's arms until he was finally released and put on the ground. He scampered over to Logan, his eyes glued to the computer screen. 

Eventually, Logan reached out to his brother. He slowly grabbed him under the arms, prepared to release the boy if he reacted negatively. Virgil didn’t though and Logan careful lifted his baby brother off the floor and into his lap. 

Virgil leaned back against Logan’s chest and stomach, smiling as he watched the peacock spider hop all over Logan’s computer screen. 

Warmth burned in Deceit's chest at the sight of his sons getting along so well. He turned his attention onto his husband, sure that he was crying at the beautiful scene. 

Patton was crying but not because of their sons. His eyes were glued onto the spider the boys were fixated on. Terror was written all over his face.

Deceit quickly took Patton’s hand in his and squeezed. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It won’t get you. I swear I’ll squish it before it even gets a chance.”

Patton wiped his eyes with his free hand and gave Deceit a thankful smile and kiss on the cheek. “Thanks,” he whispered. “And...I’m sorry. I can’t...freak out like that anymore.”

Deceit frowned at his husband. “It’s okay if they upset you,” he reassured. “Like I said…” he brought Patton’s hand up to his lips as kissed. “I’ll take care of it. I don’t want you or Virgil changing just to make each other happy.”

“Easier said than done.”

“We’ll make do.”

“As always.” Deceit released Patton then and nodded at Logan’s door. “Why don’t you go check on the twins, hmm? I’m sure Virgil will want to see them in a little bit.”

Patton sighed. “Right.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Wanna place bets on how it goes?”

Deceit laughed. “It’ll be fine,” he said but he was lying to himself. If there’s one thing he was sure about, Remus and Roman were definitely not going to behave. 


	3. Meet the Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Remus meet their baby brother.

If there’s one thing Roman and Remus didn’t want, it was a baby brother. The twins had hated the idea of little feet running on  _ their _ floors. It didn’t help that their dads were spending  _ all _ their time visiting other kids. During the first few weeks, Logan told the twins that they were exaggerating, that dad and pop weren’t spending  _ all  _ their time at the orphanage. But what does he know? After a month in, Roman and Remus both decided that if their dads did adopt, they would never like the new kid no matter what. They pinkie swore it, so the promise was a done deal. That is until their dads showed them a picture of Virgil.

In the picture, Virgil was building a tower of blocks with Patton. His hair fell into his eyes but Roman and Remus could still make them out at least a little bit. His eyes were different colors, the left one being green and the right one being a purple-ish blue. They were crinkled at the corners. His face was split in a wide smile, the kind that stretches ear to ear. He was cute and both Remus and Roman had said so as they took the picture from Deceit.

Now, months later, Roman and Remus were waiting in their shared room under a castle they had made from pillows and blankets. Virgil was home and it was only a matter of minutes before their dads would bring him to meet them.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Roman asked. He was hugging a pillow close to his chest, fingers twitching from nerves.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Remus spun around, hands held high. “We built him a castle!”

Roman hummed and looked back at the door. It was plastered with pictures Roman and Remus had painted together. Some of them were from school and others were the doodles they sometimes drew on Logan’s homework when he wasn’t paying attention or left his stuff in the living room. 

Just as Roman had gotten lost in the colors of a picture of a rose and Remus had started to build a witch tower on the left side of their castle, the doorknob to their room jiggled. They sat up, hearts pounding in their chests. To their disappointment, Patton was the only one who came in.

“Where’s Virgil?” 

“With Logan,” Patton said and he smiled at the twins. “But he’ll be on his way soon. I just wanted to see if you two were ready.”

“We’ve been ready all day!” Roman answered and he pointed at the pillow fort surrounding him and Remus. “We built him a castle.”

Patton looked over the mess of pillows. “And it looks so cool, kiddos.” He walked further into the room and ruffled the twins’ hair. “You guys did so good. Virgil will love it.”

“Does he like to play castles and dragons?” Roman’s eyes were practically glittering as he asked the question. “He can be my squire!”

“No! He’s my squire!” Remus yelled and he threw a pillow at his brother.

Patton grabbed the pillow before it could do any damage and set it down carefully on the floor. He sighed and rubbed at his temple, willing away the headache that was slowly building in his skull. “How about…” Patton dropped his hand from his head. “...we ask Virgil when he gets here? Maybe he wants to be something else?”

Roman and Remus shared a look with each other. “Fine,” they said at once but Patton knew better. 

Knock! Knock!

Patton held his hands up and made two-thumbs-up at the boys. “You two ready?” he asked. 

When the twins nodded, Patton called out to Deceit. The door slid open then and Deceit walked in, Virgil following close behind. There was a smile on the boy’s face still but the nervousness he had exhibited before suddenly came rushing back the second he saw Roman and Remus. He grabbed hold of Deceit’s pant leg and attempted to hide from the twins. 

Deceit chuckled and knelt down on the ground. He carefully pulled Virgil off his leg and pushed him until he was standing front and center. “Virgil, this is Roman and Remus.”

Virgil held up a shy hand. “Hi,” he said softly.

Roman and Remus shuffled away from their pillow fort. They walked up to Virgil and the younger boy grew stiffer beneath Deceit's hold. Still, he didn’t try to hide this time. He stood still, waiting.

“Do you like to play castles and dragons?”

Virgil blinked up at the twins. “I’ve never played,” he answered honestly.

The twins gaped at him. “Never?”

Virgil shook his head.

Roman and Remus shared a look, nodded, and then held out their hands to their new little brother. 

Virgil stared at them and then looked to Patton and Deceit. When his dads both nodded he carefully placed his hands in Roman and Remus’. He was tugged to the fort then and placed on a giant red cushion. 

Roman plucked the paper crown he had made himself off of his head. “I’m always the prince but since you’ve never played you can wear the crown.” He placed the crown on top of Virgil’s head then. It was too big though and slipped down so it nearly covered Virgil’s eyes. “Just this once though!” Roman pointed a finger at Virgil. “Remeber, I’m the prince of this house.”

Virgil bobbed his head but then hesitated. “What will you be now?” he asked.

Roman grinned. “Me?” He struck a pose. “I’ll be a dashing knight of course.” He pointed at Remus. “And I’ll slay the dragon witch to protect you, Majesty!”

Remus picked up a toy wand then and waved it at Roman. “We’ll see about that, Sir Roman!”

The two lunged at each other and started to fight. They rolled on the floor, careful to keep away from their castle so it didn’t topple on top of Virgil. 

Patton carefully shuffled until he was sitting on the floor with Deceit. He nudged his husband and pointed at where Virgil was sitting. His eyes were wide as he watched his big brothers fight but he no longer looked uncomfortable. He was laughing now and cheering for them with all his might.

“That’s so cute,” Deceit whispered and he squeezed Patton’s hand in his. “Think we can leave them alone now? Pizza should be almost done.”

Patton bobbed his head and the two of them quietly slipped to their feet. They took one last peek at their boys, smiled, and then shut the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Logan: 16 years old  
> Virgil: 5 years old  
> Roman & Remus: 8 years old
> 
> Deceit & Patton: early thirties


	4. Pigtails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins give Papa Deceit a makeover. Logan and Virgil nap.

The house was quiet for once, something it hadn’t been since Virgil came home a little over a month ago. Remus was so used to the noise that had conspired that the quiet now felt too wrong. There wasn’t really anything he could do about it now though. 

Patton was at work at the moment and would be for several more hours. He’d probably be too tired to play when he returned anyway. Patton was always tired after work. 

Logan and Virgil were sprawled out across the living room couch. Virgil was cradled against Logan’s chest, drooling onto the soft fabric of the older boy’s favorite sweater. Logan was asleep too but he wasn’t drooling. He just snored, glasses tilted at a weird angle on his nose.

Roman was sitting on the floor by the couch. He was surrounded in coloring books and the box of crayons Patton had bought him during their last Walmart run. He was coloring outside the lines as always, creating giant castles in the white space.

Deceit sat in his favorite chair, the one Remus could never see the TV from. He held a book in his hand and there was a tiny line of pink tongue poking out of his mouth. It was something Deceit did when he was concentrating and Remus wondered if his dad was reading a complicated book.

Remus let out a little sigh. Everyone was doing something except for him and he was  _ dying  _ of boredom. 

Deceit heard the sigh and looked up from his book. He gazed around the room, his eyes eventually falling onto a very bored Remus. He smiled at his son and set his book to the side. He patted his leg, beckoning to Remus to come over.

Remus hurried over to his father and wrapped his fingers in the fabric of Deceit’s white shirt. “I’m soooo bored,” he whined and Deceit rubbed his back.

“What do you want to do?” Deceit asked.

“I don’t know,” Remus continued to whine and he looked up at his dad with a pout. The pout fell away instantly though as he zeroed in on Deceit's hair. As always, there was not a single hair out of place. Everything was slicked back and his bangs were combed neatly to the side. 

“Remus?”

“Can I play with your hair?”

Deceit let out a sigh. “Of course,” he agreed, the words seemed to pain him.

Remus didn’t care though. He slid off of Deceit’s lap and Deceit eased himself from his chair and sat down on the floor. Remus moved back onto the chair then and quickly drove his fingers into the light strands of brown hair he could now reach. 

“Can I have a hair tie?”

Deceit dug into his breast pocket. He had started carrying tiny rubber bands and hairpins with him since adopting Remus and Roman. The two boys had an obsession with messing with his hair for some reason. He let them do as they pleased though, encouraged them. He hated looking unkempt but he enjoyed the little moments with the twins attempting to give him braids and pigtails.

“Here,” Deceit gave Remus a hair tie. “What you plan on doing to me today, hmm?”

“Piggy tails,” Remus answered and he started to grab clumps of hair to tie up. 

“Can I play too?”

Remus wiggled to the side and Roman crawled away from his coloring books. He climbed up onto the couch, giving Deceit a kiss on the cheek before looking at the messy pigtail Remus was working on. He gave the mess of hair an approving nod and then started his own. 

While the boys worked on his hair, Deceit went back to his book. He read some chapters to them out loud at times, filling the silence and drowning out Logan’s loud snores. Remus and Roman asked questions about the book as they worked. It was a lot more complicated than their picture books after all. Deceit gladly answered their questions, going on and on about things Roman and Remus had never even heard of before. Still, they listened, enjoying the time spent with their dad.

By the time Patton pulled into the driveway, work finished, Logan and Virgil began to stir. They cuddled on the couch as they slowly woke up and Virgil blinked curiously at the twins and Deceit. 

“Like it, baby bro?” Remus asked and he waved a hand at the series of tiny pigtails that covered every inch of Deceit’s head.

Virgil bobbed his head. “You made Pop a dragon,” he said.

Both Remus and Roman grinned ear to ear, happy with the critique. Deceit just sighed and stared at the front door as it slowly began to jiggle. Maybe Patton could give his head to the twins for the next round. 


	5. Driving With Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is learning to drive. Virgil is his cheerleader.

Logan sat in the driver’s seat of his dads’ blue impala. He put on his seat belt, adjusted his mirrors, and then checked his blind spots. With everything in place, Logan let out the breath he had been holding. He put his foot on the brake and then carefully put the car into reverse.

“Good job.” 

Logan sent a thankful smile Patton’s way. His dad was sitting in the passenger seat, pride in his eyes. 

Again, Logan focused on the task at hand. He backed out of the driveway at a decent speed and rolled out onto the road. He drove too slow at first but once the nerves started to leave him, Logan sped up and got the Impala up to speed. 

“Go, Lo!” Virgil cheered from his car seat in the back. 

As thanks, Logan turned on some music and Virgil started to sing to the kid songs that broke through the speakers. The first song was from Ronald Mcdonald’s Silly Sing Along. Patton had found the CD at a garage sale and it had quickly become a hit for the younger kids. Virgil and Remus’ favorite song was “What Am I Gonna Be for Halloween” and it was that very song that was playing now. Virgil sang the lyrics, his little body bobbing as he danced in his seat. 

It was hard for Logan to keep his eyes off the happy boy but as the driver, it was his duty to make sure everyone was safe within the car. He had received his Learner's Permit shortly after turning 15 last year. Now, at 16, Logan was still learning, preparing for the future test that would get him his real license. Patton was usually the one to take care of teaching Logan how to drive. It wasn’t because Deceit didn’t want to. It was just that his job kept him for late hours sometimes and Logan didn’t like driving in the dark. It was something he needed to get used to but at the moment, it was too much for him. 

“Let’s go down the road to the left. We’ll practice parallel parking.”

“Okay.”

Logan made the turn. It was a little too tight though and he drove over the curb. A startled gasp left Logan’s lips and his fingers turned white as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

“It’s okay,” Patton reassured. “It’s a common mistake. It happens all the time.” He put a hand on Logan’s shoulder and started to gently rub his thumb across the tight muscle. “Just breathe, Kiddo. Give yourself more space next time.”

Logan forced himself to breathe. He glanced into the mirror, worrying that his little brother might have become startled from his little accident. It didn’t look like that was the case though. Virgil was still jamming away, looking completely content in the back seat. 

Again, Logan breathed and he drove up to where two cars were parked. 

“Okay. You remember what to do?”

Logan nodded.

“Okay. I’ll get out of the car and spot you. If it looks like you’re gonna hit one of the cars I’ll stop you, okay?”

Logan nodded again.

Patton got out of the car then. Before he shut his door, he looked into the back and grinned ear to ear at Virgil. “Hey, Honey. Make sure you cheer your big brother on, okay?”

Virgil held up two thumbs-up in answer and started to wave his hands and kick his feet. “Go, Lo! Go, Lo!”

Logan’s cheeks heated up and he mouthed “thank you,” at Patton before the door swung shut. With Patton gone, Logan focused on parallel parking. He ran over all the notes he had memorized and then slowly made his move. He checked his position and then slowly began to back himself into place between the two cars. 

Patton stood on the sidewalk, his eyes glued to the cars. His face was a poker face, giving Logan no hints on if he was doing well or not.

“Go, Lo!”

Logan chuckled. “Thanks, Virgil,” he said and with a few more turns of the steering wheel, he parked the car.

Patton circled around the car twice before nodding and then climbing into the passenger seat. Logan stared at him expectantly, waiting to hear how he did.

“A+,” Patton praised. 

Relief rushed over Logan and Virgil cheered in the back, feet kicking lightly against the back of Patton’s seat. Patton turned around in his seat, poking Virgil’s chubby cheeks and making the boy giggle. “And an A+ to my favorite cheerleader,” Patton cooed. “Why don’t we have Logan drive us to Scoop’s for celebratory ice-cream, hmm?”

“Yes! Yes!” Virgil cheered and Logan took the hint. He waited until his dad was buckled up again before he pulled back onto the street. The tension in his body was pretty much gone now and he drove to Scoop’s ice cream shop with ease. 


	6. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit and Patton prepare for their anniversary.

Patton missed Deceit. Ever since they started adopting, their time alone had dwindled. In the past, they only had each other to give their attention too but now things are different. They had four boys to attend to and there are only so many hours in a day. Nowadays, Deceit would leave for work in the early hours of the day and wouldn’t come home until dark sometimes. When he did come home early, he’d play with the kids and go to bed when they did, usually too tired to stay up alone with Patton. Even on the rare days, he forced himself to stay up, he’d fall asleep during their movie nights or even while Patton heated up dinner for him. Patton wasn’t any better. He was a stay at home dad but he donated some hours to help out at local animal shelters. He’d get called in randomly some days and the picnics he and Deceit planned in advance would get postponed to a much later date. It was depressing and stressful but there was at least one day out of each year the two made sure was always free for just the two of them.

“How do I look?” 

Roman and Logan eyed Patton carefully. He was wearing a light blue suit with a white dress shirt underneath. His tie had tiny puppies and kittens all over it, giving the look a little touch of Patton wonder. It was the same suit he had worn several years ago when he and Deceit went on their third date. They had gone to a dance together and afterward had realized they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Patton had thought the suit was a fitting choice and had it altered especially for the special day. 

“Looks good, Dad.”

Patton sighed in relief, happy for his sons’ approval. 

“But…” Roman pointed at Patton’s head. “What is up with your hair?”

Patton patted at his head. He really hadn’t done much to it. He never did actually. With four kids to chase after, he never had time to play with his hair. He just let it do whatever and that’s exactly what he was doing now. He had brushed it at least. Most of the time he just ran his fingers through it and called it a day. 

Logan and Roman shared a look, nodded, and then started to run around the bathroom. Patton sat down in the kitchen chair Logan had yanked into the room and let his boys work their magic. They sprayed something into his hair and began to thread both their fingers and a comb through the mess. Patton watched them, marveling at how his normally flat hair became curls.

“W— wow.” Patton stared at his kids, mouth hanging to the floor. “How did you two—”

“We’ve been watching hairdresser videos since you and Pop said you were going out,” Logan answered.

“We wanted it to be perfect,” Roman said. He hugged Patton tight. “Do you like it?”

Patton dropped a kiss on both his kids’ cheeks. “I love it,” he answered.

* * *

Deceit stood in front of the full-length mirror in his and Patton’s bedroom. He was wearing his newest suit. He had gone shopping the other day with Roman in search of something new and fun. It was going to be a surprise for Patton. This was their first time out in forever so he wanted it to be special.

The suit was a royal blue. It wasn’t a color Deceit wore often but blue was Patton’s favorite color. Beneath it was a yellow vest and a blue tie with tiny snakes printed on it. He figured Patton would appreciate that too. 

Deceit did a spin in front of the mirror. “How do I look, boys?” He did the spin one more time and then faced Virgil and Remus. The two boys were sitting on the bed, their eyes glued to their dad. 

Remus smiled while picking his nose. “Fancy,” he answered.

“That is the point.” Deceit plucked Virgil off the bed and held the boy in his arms. “What do you think, Virge?” 

“Pretty,” Virgil answered and he grabbed Deceit’s tie. He played with it, making it a little crooked. 

Deceit fixed it. “Do you think your dad will like it?” he asked both boys. 

“Is water wet?”

Deceit grinned ear to ear, looking almost giddy. He placed Virgil back on the bed and walked over to the mirror again. He stared at himself. He was buzzing head to toe with excitement. He could see the tremble in his hands and feel the way his heart pounded in his chest like it was trying to break free.

It had been so long since the last time he and Patton were alone. He blamed himself for that. Deceit started working at a nearby toy company shortly after they adopted Logan. The pay was good and he received discounts on the toys his company managed. As the years went by, he rose up in rank and was now an executive assistant. The pay was really good now but the hours were just as horrendous as the paperwork. Still, he had made it clear to his bosses that there was at least one day that he demanded be free. His and Patton’s anniversary was special and he’d never miss it no matter what. 

Fiddling with his lapels one more time, Deceit made his way to the bedroom door. “Okay, kiddos, he said. “Wish me luck.” And he disappeared behind the door. 

Remus stared at the door, a frown on his lips. “He does know he and dad are already married, right?” he asked his younger brother. 

Virgil shrugged his shoulders. He slid off the bed and ran over to Deceit’s mirror. He spun around in front of it a few times, mimicking how his dad had been spinning just minutes ago. Remus came to join him after a while and the two giggled as they entertained themselves. 

* * *

Deceit walked down the stairs just as Patton walked out of the bathroom. Their eyes met, breath catching in their throats as they stared at each other. Patton’s eyes zeroed in on Deceit’s new suit and Deceit did the same for Patton’s before looking at his husband’s hair.

“How’d Ro and Lo get your hair to curl?”

Patton twirled a finger through a strand of hair. “No idea,” he answered, blushing. “You like it?”

Deceit grinned. “It’s a cute look for you,” he answered. “Yes.”

Patton’s blush reddened. “I...um...I like the new suit,” he complimented back. “Blue suits you.”

This time it was Deceit’s turn to blush.

Logan and Roman peaked out of the bathroom. They watched their parents quietly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

Deceit took Patton’s hands in his. As Patton watched, Deceit pulled the hands to his face, kissing Patton’s knuckles. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy,” he whispered and he lowered Patton’s hands again. 

Patton shook his head and pressed a kiss to Deceit’s lips. “No, it’s okay.” He squeezed Deceit’s hands in his. “I’m just thankful for the moments we do get.”

“Me too.” 

The two leaned in close to each other. They hugged for a long moment, becoming lost in the embrace.

Roman and Logan gave each other a high-five. They crept out of the bathroom then and up the stairs, wanting to celebrate with their brothers for a job well done.


	7. Garden Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit hangs out in his garden with Virgil.

Deceit sat knee-deep in a pile of dirt. A newly bought tomato plant sat in the palm of his gloved hand. He carefully peeled back the pot, freeing the roots inside. They sprawled out onto his fingers and he gently plopped the plant into a hole. He spread a blanket of dirt over top, patting it gently like he was tucking in one of his sons. 

“Pa!” 

Deceit looked up from his tomatoes. Virgil was crawling over to him. His face was completely covered in dirt and there were leaves in his hair. He greeted Deceit with a toothy smile and opened his arms wide. 

“Aw.” Deceit picked his son up. “Aren’t you the cutest little garden fairy?”

Virgil giggled and buried his face into his dad’s chest, smearing dirt all over Deciet’s clothes. 

Today was a rare one for Deceit. It was a Wednesday morning and instead of being elbow deep in paperwork, he was buried in dirt and the warm sun. He had gotten the day off from the office and was spending that precious time in his garden. 

“Can I have peas?”

Deceit stood up, Virgil still in his arms. They made their way down to the third row where Deceit’s peas were growing. They were all a healthy green and reached up to Deceit’s knee. When Deceit kneeled down beside them, Virgil’s fingers reached into the plants, yanking out a fat pea pod. Deceit laughed at his son and helped him open up the pod.

“Is it yummy?” Deceit asked. 

“Very,” Virgil answered. He held out a pea, pressing it to Deceit’s lips. “Try it.”

Deceit did as told and stole the pea from his son’s fingers. The round ball, was sweet against Deceit’s tongue. He made a mental note to pick a few for some canning later, thinking about how well the peas would do mixed up in one of Patton’s casseroles. 

Peas eaten, Deceit released Virgil again. The little boy ran into the mess of green, diving into the mud to play. Deceit watched him for a long moment, becoming lost in his son’s sweet smile and wide eyes. It was such a different look from the little boy Deceit and Patton first met at the orphanage. Virgil had been so shy. He wouldn’t meet Deceit or Patton’s eyes for the first couple times they met. Deceit and Patton didn’t give up on him though. They kept visiting and talking to him until the day finally came when Virgil met them at the door of the orphanage, smile on his lips and eyes wide with excitement. 

A happy tear fell from the corner of Deceit’s right eye. He rubbed it away with a dirty hand and forced himself to focus back onto his garden. He walked back to his tomatoes, kneeling down beside the pots that had yet to be put in. Before he could get more than two pots done, a scuffling noise sounded from somewhere in the garden along with a loud whimper.

“Virgil?” Deceit cried out. He set down the tomato plant in his hands and looked up. He couldn’t see his son anywhere. “Virge?”

“Daddy!” Virgil cried. “Daddy, Help!”

Deceit shot out from behind his tomatoes again. He looked around frantically for Virgil, heart pounding in his chest. Virgil’s voice was frantic and Deceit could hear tears choking the boys words. There was something terribly wrong and with every step, dread continued to build deep in Deceit’s chest.

By the time Deceit found Virgil, the boy was shaking and his face was stained with tears. He was sitting by Deceit’s strawberries, knees pulled up to his chest. 

“Honey, what—”

Virgil thrust a shaking finger out at one of Deceit’s strawberry plants. Deceit squinted at it, his mouth curled up a little as he realized what had scared his son so much. Curled around the plant was a tiny garter snake. It was blinking lazily at Virgil, completely unaware of how much it was scaring the boy less than a foot away. 

“Oh, Honey.” Deceit sat down on the ground and pulled Virgil into his lap. Virgil instantly clung to him, his little heart thumping scarily fast against his chest. “It's just a little snake.”

“Remus said snakes are poisonous!” 

Deceit chuckled and smoothed a hand through Virgil’s hair. “Some are. This one isn’t.”

Virgil looked up at him, eyes wide. “S...so it’s harmless?”

“Mostly.” Deceit knew Patton would kill him if he told the boy it was 100% harmless. Garter snakes weren’t poisonous but they could still bite. He could just picture the look of terror on Patton’s face if Virgil ran into the house with bite marks on his hand. There were a lot of scary things in this world but Patton’s protective dad face often kept Deceit up late at night.

“Oh.” Virgil’s fingers uncurled from Deceit’s shirt. He slowly pushed himself from Deceit’s lap and sprawled out on his belly on the dirt. He stared at the snake and it stared back, tongue flicking out occasionally as it sniffed the air. “It won’t hurt me?”

Deceit shook his head. “If you don’t hurt it, it won’t hurt you.” He ran his hand through Virgil’s hair again. “You gonna be okay with your new friend now?” Virgil bobbed his head and, once again, Deceit moved back to his tomatoes. This time, he managed to get four pots finished before Virgil cried out again. This cry was different from the last though. It was joyous and brimming with excitement. 

Again, Deceit looked up. He could see Virgil sitting up in the strawberry patch. He had his arm out, palm facing the sky. Inside of it was the same tiny garter snake Virgil had been crying over minutes ago. It sat lazily in Virgil’s hand, seeming content despite the little boy’s loud giggling. 

Deceit pressed a hand to his heart, thanking God that Patton wasn’t home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand I'm back! Been a crazy couple of weeks for me. Moved to my new apartment and helped my sister move into her first dorm. Her place is bigger than mine and I'm so jealous XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy this cute chapter!


	8. Craft Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and his boys make crafts together.

Patton sat in the living room with his boys. His hands were covered in glue. Glitter permanently covered his jeans. It was craft day, a special day Patton had thought up himself one day out of pure boredom. On craft day, he’d bring out every bit of artsy supplies he could find in the house and make crafts with the boys. When they were done, Deceit would hang the crafts up in the hallway when he got home from work. Working in the garden was a thing for just the kids and Deceit so Patton was adamant about craft day being that for him. 

“Dad! Dad!” Remus held up his craft. “What do you think?”

The craft was a homemade wind-chime. Or, that’s what Patton assumed it was at least. Remus had cut out what looked like dead birds from construction paper and hung them up on thick strands of red string. Bells hung by each bird along with some pipe cleaners Patton guessed were supposed to be worms and maggots. The worms had clay teeth on them though which made Patton’s stomach turn. 

Patton forced a smile at his son. “Nice work, Honey!” he praised, hoping Remus didn’t notice his discomfort. 

Deceit was always a better liar than Patton was. It’s why Patton sometimes wondered if Deceit was the better parent of the house. He could easily sit through Remus’ gruesome or scary stories without cracking. He could even handle when Remus brought dead birds into the house like an excited kitten. Patton never could. He’d scream on seeing the dead birds and start crying if the stories grew too frightening. Sometimes, Remus didn’t seem hurt by Patton’s reaction. He’d just smile or laugh. There were other times when his face would fall or tears would build up in the corners of his eyes. He’d sulk to his room and Patton would sit guiltily outside while Deceit comforted the crying boy.

Thankfully, Remus seemed to believe Patton’s reaction this time around. He grinned ear to ear and quickly started to douse the worms in orange glitter. 

Patton breathed a sigh of relief and scanned the rest of the works littering the table. Logan was making an abacus out of crayons and fruit loops. Patton praised the colorfulness and Logan babbled for a while on the history of the abacus. 

Roman held up his work next. He was making several paper dolls. The dolls were all mini versions of Roman as royals from around the world. 

“Where’s this one from, Ro?” Patton asked while pointing at one of the dolls.

“Egypt!”

“Ah, you’d make an adorable Ramesses.”

Roman laughed. “Ramesses? No way, dad. I’d rather be Cleopatra. She was WAY cooler.”

Patton laughed with his son and then turned his attention onto Virgil. The little boy had his arms braced around his work, hiding it from prying eyes. Patton could still see it though. It was a card covered in a light dusting of purple glitter. 

“Don’t look!” Virgil cried when he caught Patton staring. 

“Will do, kiddo,” Patton said and he covered his eyes. 

Eventually, Virgil announced that he was finished and Patton released his hands from his face. He looked down at Virgil. The little boy held his card out to him, a light blush on his cheeks and nose. 

Patton was careful as he took the card and even more so when he opened it. The inside of the card was a giant picture of the house and Deceit’s garden. Everyone was floating in the sky above it, wiggly smiles on their faces. Even the snake Virgil had found a few days ago in the garden was in the drawing. 

“Oh, Virgil,” Patton squealed. “It’s beautiful.” He dropped a kiss on the tip of Virgil’s nose. “You’re so talented, Honey.” He looked to the others then, giving them all a wide smile. “All of you are. This is going to be the best hallway we’ve decorated yet!”

The kids blushed at the praise. While his older brothers worked on finishing their projects, Virgil climbed into Patton’s lap. Patton held him close, soaking up the happiness drifting off the boy and his brothers. 

The quiet drag of pencils against paper was suddenly dampened by a loud gurgle. Patton looked up his eyes falling onto a slightly startled Roman. He had pushed his dolls back and was now patting at his belly like that would keep it from grumbling.

“Dad,” Roman called. “I’m hungry.” 

“Oh? What would you like, Roman?”

Remus slammed his hands down on the table. “Pizza!” he cried.

“Yeah!” Roman agreed. “Pizza! Pizza!”

Patton laughed as he watched the boys chant. “Okay, okay,” he said. “What kind?” 

The boys each placed their orders and Patton called the local pizza place. It was only after he hung up when he realized he hadn’t asked for any drinks. Quick on his feet, Patton quickly plunked in Deceit's number. 

“Dee!” Patton cried when Deceit answered before the second ring.

_ “Hey, Babe.”  _

“Hey! How was work?” 

_ “Same old. What’s up?” _

“I ordered Marco’s but forgot to add drinks to the order. Can you stop and pick up sodas for the kids?”

_ “Yeah. What’re their orders?” _

Patton rattled off the different sodas each of his boys had asked for. Order made, he said a cheerful, “love you” to Deceit before hanging up. He looked to his sons then, smiling at them ear to ear. “What do you say we put these up in the hallway now and surprise Daddy with them when he gets home?”

The kids cheered in answer and Patton helped them carry their things to the hallway. Excitement bubbled in his chest as he worked with his boys. He couldn’t wait for Deceit to see what they’ve done. 


	9. Sodas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit goes to get the kids sodas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!!! TAGS HAVE BEEN ADDED. Please check the tags before readings in case something may be triggering to you!

Deceit stretched his arms above his head. He had just walked out of work, a long day finally over. His joints popped and the tension in his shoulders slowly began to drain away. He looked across the parking lot, smiling as the sunset created curving shadows on the asphalt and made the blue of his car look almost raven black. 

In his car, Deceit plugged his phone into an outlet and started up a podcast. His phone rang as he began to buckle up and Deceit answered with a light, “Hey, Babe,” when he heard Patton’s voice on the other side. 

_ “Hey! How was work?”  _

“Same old. What’s up?”

_ “I ordered Marco’s but forgot to add drinks to the order. Can you stop and pick up sodas for the kids?” _

“Yeah. What’re their orders?”

Patton raddled off the orders and Deceit mentally added a beer or two to the list for himself and Patton. After a quick “I love you,” Deceit finished buckling up and shut off his phone. He pulled out of the parking lot and into the street, eyes on the road as he made his way to the nearest gas station. Sodas were cheaper there and besides, his gas gage was getting dangerously close to empty. 

His podcast rambled to him the whole ride and Deceit’s attention eventually left it. He started humming, the song one of his coworkers came in singing popping into his head. It was one he often caught Remus singing sometimes. It was the background music from an old Pixar short, the one with the old man playing chess with himself. 

The gas station sign eventually came into view. Deceit swore under his breath as he realized the price went up a whole twenty cents. This was why he had wanted to get an eco-friendly car that he could simply plug in and charge but Patton had unsurprisingly fallen in love with the shiny blue impala the second he saw it at the dealers. Deceit shook his head at the memory and focused on the gas station. He considered going on to the next and hoping for a better price.

He decided to take the chance and passed the gas station. There was another one after the next set of stoplights and luckily for him, the lights were green. He sped up a bit and just a he was about to pass the light, a pickup truck ran a red light. 

Tires screeched as the truck tried to swerve on seeing Deceit’s car. The action was too late though. The truck hit Deceit at a force strong enough to send both cars rolling. Deceit’s car hit a little Subaru and that car hit a minivan. 

Too shocked and confused, Deceit couldn’t even scream. He simply gripped his steering wheel, closed his eyes, and listened to metal scratch and bend around him. He felt like he was being suffocated. Metal chomped down on the upper half of his body. It crushed his ribs and ripped into his face and throat. By the time his car stopped moving, Deceit could no longer feel his arms and his face felt like it was melting. 

Deceit opened his eyes but all he could see was darkness. His only companion was the sound of his own blood dripping against the metal that pinned him and hisses of the cars that trapped him

* * *

Patton sat on the carpet by the living room coffee table. Three boxes of pizza were sprawled out on it. There was pepperoni, supreme, and a deep-dish pizza that Remus had fallen in love with the second he saw the commercials for it. The kids had already eaten two slices but Patton had only eaten half of one, his appetite lost. He stared at the clock on the wall. Deceit was late, impossibly so. It had been an hour since Patton had called. Deceit was twenty minutes away from home. He should have been home ages ago already.

“Maybe they were out of soda and he had to go to the store?” Logan offered, noticing the way his dad worried at his bottom lip. 

“Thanks, Lo,” Patton forced a smile and picked up his pizza slice again. “You’re right.” 

He dragged his eyes away from the clock and focused on his boys. Virgil was sitting in Logan’s lap. The younger boy was picking off all of the olives from his pizza and forcing Logan to eat them for him. Logan didn’t seem to mind though and playfully nipped at Virgil’s fingertips every time he took an olive. It made the five-year-old giggle until his plate threatened to slip off where it sat on his leg. Remus and Roman were sitting too close to the TV again. Their eyes were glued to the screen, their faces split into smiles as they watched ABC’s annual Harry Potter marathon. 

Just as Harry was about to fly his first broom, a news program suddenly interrupted. The twins let out screeches of outrage. They took turns waving the remote threateningly at the TV and Patton hushed them, eyes glued to the screen. 

“We’re sorry to interrupt your programming. A five-car pile-up occurred just a little less than an hour ago on Highway C near SS gas station.”

The anchor disappeared from the screen and was replaced by footage of the scene she had just been talking about. Fire Trucks, ambulances, and police cars were everywhere. True to their word, there were five cars piled up on top of each other. They were crushed up against a light post and one of the cars was smoking badly. 

“Two drivers have been confirmed by paramedics as dead. At the moment, we do not have any more information on the others involved. Firefighters are working hard to release those who are trapped.”

The image focused on a blue car then and Patton felt his breath catch in his throat. About two months ago, the ugly eggshell van Patton and Deceit had used since college died. The transmission blew. It was fixable but what was the point of getting a new transmission that cost as much as buying a new car? That’s how they found Bluebell. It was a nice little car the color of ripe blueberries. Patton had fallen in love with it at first sight and, later that day, they had brought her home. Now, Patton was staring at her corpse crushed under the body of a big white truck. The front was crushed. The driver and passenger seat no longer visible. It was just metal now. Metal and…

Patton placed a hand over his mouth. Bile rose up his throat and tears clogged the corners of his eyes. 

Two firefighters were slowly chiseling away at the car. As they pulled back a panel of metal, blood began to dribble from the cracks it revealed.

Heart hammering in his chest, Patton shot off the living room floor and ran for the phone hanging in the kitchen. The kids shouted after him but Patton ignored them. He typed in Deceit's number. He waited and waited but the phone just kept ringing. Nobody answered and Patton fell to his knees, a sob shaking his entire body until all he could do was dig his nails into the tiled floor and pray. 

In the living room, the kids stared at the TV. Remus and Roman looked confused while Logan looked sick. His face had gone green and his eyes stayed glued onto the blue car his dads had been slowly teaching him how to drive. 

“Lo?” Virgil tugged at Logan’s shirt and the older boy looked down at his baby brother. Virgil’s face was covered in pizza grease and there was a smile on his lips. “When’s Papa bringing our sodas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops....my hand slipped...


	10. Aftermath With Uncle Remy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy makes an appearance when the Sanders family needs him the most.

Remy sat behind the wheel of his lime-green Toyota Prius. Beyonce’s voice boomed from his stereo. The lyrics to “Sorry” flowed from the windows, spreading her music like gospel. 

The stoplight turned red and Remy eased his car to a stop. He cranked up his music and reached for the cup holder. Starbucks had brought back their Unicorn Frappuccino and Remy had been ready to fight a bitch for the sparkly goodness that was  _ the  _ best coffee in creation. He sipped at his prize, eyes rolling back in his head as the mango syrup rushed down his tongue.

Before he could enjoy the frappuccino too much, Beyonce’s voice changed from sweet melody to a piercing ring. Remy frowned at the change and looked at his phone. Patton’s name flashed across the screen. 

“Patman!” Remy yelled as he answered the phone. “Babe, how ya been? Oh my god, it’s been like forever since we talked! I gotta tell ya about—” Remy trailed off as a choked noise reached his ears. “Pat?” He turned up the volume to his phone. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Another choked noise reached Remy. He listened as Patton started speaking with warbled words. Remy’s heart sunk as he listened and tears bloomed in the corners of his eyes. 

“I…” Remy wiped at his eyes. “I’ll be over in five,” he promised. “You just sit down, Honey. It’s going to be okay.” 

Patton gave him a broken “thank you” and Remy reluctantly hung up. The stoplight had finally turned green and the cars behind him were honking their horns angrily. Remy ignored them. He took a moment to clear his eyes and downed another sip of his frappuccino. It was only then that he pulled forward and allowed traffic to move again. Beyonce sang to him as drove again but Remy couldn’t enjoy her voice. His mind was on his family and the mess that was now eating them up.

* * *

True to his word, Remy made it to Patton and Deceit’s home in under five minutes. He stared up at the house, his heart still heavy in his chest. 

Clear as day, he still remembered when Patton and Deceit first bought the house. They had thrown a big house warming party but Remy had been the only one invited. They gorged themselves on the endless pile of food Patton had ordered and danced the night away in the very giant and empty living room. It didn’t take long for the house to fill up. Especially when adoption started to take both Patton and Deceit’s heart. Just the idea of it being emptier by one person made bile rise up Remy’s throat.

Remy breathed out what little nervous energy he could. He marched up the front steps, letting himself in with the key Deceit had given him the day of the housewarming party. 

The inside of the house was drenched in misery. Patton stood in the kitchen, head in his palm. His phone sat limp in his other hand. There were several messages on it, no doubt being worried friends and family who had seen the crushed blue car on the news. 

“Hey, Babe,” Remy said and he wrapped his arms around Patton, dragging him into a tight embrace. 

Patton sobbed under Remy’s touched. “It’s my fault,” he sobbed. “Those stupid sodas. I...I…”

Remy hushed him. “Hey now. None of that you hear me?” He stroked Patton’s hair. “This is nobody’s fault. Shit like this just comes out of nowhere sometimes.” He pressed a kiss to Patton’s hair. “Have you heard anything?”

Patton nodded. “He’s being sent to St. Mary Lee’s hospital.” His bottom jaw shook as he struggled to continue. “It...it’s not...good.”

The words were draining. He never imagined that this was something he would have to go through. His bestie since childhood was on his way to the hospital and his 2nd bestie was falling apart in his arms. 

“Did you call the babysitter? I’ll drive you to St. Mary’s.”

“Thomas said he’ll be here in ten.”

“Okay.” Remy kissed Patton on the head again. “I’m going to check on the kids. You sit, okay? Drink some water. I can’t have you passing out on me.”

Patton nodded, a smile barely reaching his lips.

* * *

In the living room, the kids were grieving just as hard at Patton. Poor Logan, bless his soul, was trying his hardest. He was cleaning up the discarded pizza they must have been eating before getting the bad news. His eyes were red but there wasn’t a mark on his face.

Remy went to him first. “Hey, LoganBerry,” he said and he opened his arms as he approached the boy. 

Logan startled on hearing Remy. He straightened up. His face shifting to hide the emotion that had been starting to bleed through. “Uncle Remy,” Logan greeted. “You know I hate that knick—”

The words were swiftly cut off as Remy grabbed Logan and dragged him into a hug. “You can cry, Baby,” he whispered. 

“I can’t.” Logan tried to push himself free of Remy’s embrace. “Someone needs to—”

“Leave the strong face to me,” Remy ordered. He pressed a hand to Logan’s cheek and a tear slipped free. “I’ll take care of things.”

Logan’s bottom lip wobbled and a choked noise rushed out of him. 

Remy smiled as Logan let loose and he steered the boy towards the kitchen. “You and Dad have a little one on one time, okay? I’ll take care of the little ones.” 

Surprisingly, Logan did as Remy said for once. He walked into the kitchen, leaving his brothers in Remy’s capable hands. Remy let out a sigh of relief. He had expected Logan to be more stubborn but the boy was smart. He knew that though Remy was an oddball, he was right when it came to things like this. 

Virgil was the next kid Remy noticed. The poor kid was sitting on the floor by himself. He was in front of the TV, eyes glued to the screen. The news was still playing and Remy watched in horror as it showed firefighters slowly dragging bodies out of the various cars piled together. Remy prayed to God that Virgil hadn’t recognized Deceit in any of the footage.

“Hey, Bud.” 

Remy sat down next to Virgil, careful not to touch the boy while his eyes were glued to the TV. The first time Remy met Virgil, the poor kid had been jumpy. It was a few days after Deceit and Patton brought Virgil home with them. Virgil was still walking on eggshells around his new family and when Remy showed up, Virgil had tried his hardest to be accepted by him. He had broken Remy’s heart but not as badly as he did now.

Virgil looked away from the TV. The cuffs of his sweatshirt were soaked through with tears and snot. “Hi,” he said softly. “Do you want some pizza, Uncle Remy?” He pointed at a slice sitting on the coffee table. “You can have mine. I’m not hungry anymore.”

“That’s okay, Stormy,” Remy reassured. “I’ll put it in the fridge for later.”

Virgil bobbed his head and then looked back to the TV. Remy followed his gaze. The news had finally ended and Harry Potter was now playing. Remy wondered if it was one of the ABC marathons. He, Patton, and Deceit had watched them while in college. They had lived in the same dorm at the time. No matter how hard things got, they had the Harry Potter marathons to pick them up and make them smile again.

“Uncle Remy?”

Remy looked down at Virgil, meeting the little boy’s glossy eyes. “Is it my fault?”

“What?! Stormy, who gave you that idea?” Remy pulled Virgil into his arms. “Was it Remus? You know that kid doesn’t have a filter—”

“No. Remus didn’t say anything. He...he hasn’t said anything since...since daddy told us about pop.” 

Remy glanced at Remus in the corner of his eye. The boy was sitting on the couch, comforting Roman. His face was grim, eyes far away as he stared off into the distance. 

“I just…” 

Remy looked back down at Virgil. 

“I’m bad luck.”

“Honey, you’re not—”

“I am!” Virgil broke down into tears. “I...my mommy died and now...now…” 

Remy’s eyes widened and he pulled Virgil closer. He cradled the boy in his arms, rocking back and forth. “It’s okay. You’re okay,” he whispered. “Deceit’s not dying. He’s too stubborn.”   
  


A knock sounded on the entrance to the living room. Remy looked up, finding Thomas standing in the doorway. The babysitter had a sad smile on his face and a tray of cookies in his hands.

“Thomas!” Remy yelled and he stood up, taking a still crying Virgil with him. “How you doing, Babe?”

Thomas shifted uncomfortably on his feet before walking further in and placing the tray of cookies on the coffee table. “I’m...good,” he said after a beat. He held his arms out to Virgil. “Hey, Virge, wanna cuddle with me for a while?”

Virgil looked up at Remy, blinking back tears. “It’s okay, Stormy,” Remy reassured and he carefully moved Virgil into Thomas’ arms. “I’m gonna talk to the twins for a second and then Patton and I are heading out. You sure you’ll be okay with the kids?”

Thomas swallowed hard. “Umm...I think so. What...I just don’t know what I should do if they...if they ask about Mr. S.”

Remy patted Thomas’ shoulder. “Just tell them that their daddy is strong and a stubborn ass.”

“But what if…”

“Thomas.” Remy squeezed the teenager’s shoulder. “That’s what they need to hear right now. If they need to hear something else, Patton needs to be the one to say it.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. “I...I can do that.”

“Good.” Remy patted his shoulder. “Message me if there are any problems or if you need help. It’s no problem.”

Thomas and Virgil taken care of, Remy moved on to the couch. He sat down beside the twins. Both boys instantly crowded him in a big hug. Roman was still crying but Remus was scarily quiet. Remy pinched Remus’ cheek but even that didn’t get much of a reaction.

“You okay, Dukey?”

Remus shook his head.

“You need anything? Water? Thomas brought you guys cookies.”

Again, Remus shook his head.

Remy sighed but didn’t push the boy. He turned his attention onto Roman but kept a firm arm around Remus’ shoulders.

Roman rubbed at his eyes. “I want, Daddy,” he babbled. “Daddy, daddy…”

“Oh, Charming…” Remy gently pulled Roman’s hands away, keeping the boy from rubbing at his eyes. “Listen, Patton and I are going to go see him right now. I’ll call you the second I see your daddy, okay?” He pressed a kiss to Roman’s hair. “I need you to be a strong prince for me until then, okay?” He patted Remus’ back. “Hug your brothers until I get back. Can you do that for me?”

“Okay.” Roman grabbed Remus’ hands then and pulled his twin into a hug. Remus clung back, his fingers digging into the back of Roman’s shirt. 

“That’s my Prince Charming.” Remy got up from the couch then. He gave both boys a big hug, waved at Virgil and Thomas, and then made his way back into the kitchen. 

Logan was wrapped up in Patton’s arms when Remy entered the kitchen. His eyes were puffy from crying and so was Patton’s. 

“You ready to go?”

Patton nodded and pressed a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “I’ll call the second I know anything,” he reassured his eldest. “In the meantime, you...you watch Harry Potter with your brothers and snack on Thomas’ cookies, okay?”

“Okay,” Logan whispered and he gave his father a kiss on the cheek back. 

When Logan walked away, It was just Patton and Remy again. Patton stared up at Remy, looking just as empty as he had when Remy first showed up. Remy wished he could fix it but he knew there was no way he could. 

Remy held out a hand, wiggling his fingers. “Come on, Babe,” he said gently. “Let’s go see, Dee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for chapter 11 where we find out if the writer has a heart ;)


	11. Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton talks to the doctor.

“Am I a bad dad?”

Patton didn’t really know why he asked the question. It had been bouncing around his head ever since Logan stepped into the kitchen. Logan’s eyes were bloodshot and there was a wobble to his bottom lip. He had collapsed into Patton’s arms, sobbing and babbling about how scared he was. Patton had held him through it, guilt gnawing at him like moths to a shirt. Then Remy had come in and Patton had looked over his shoulder into the living room. Thomas was bouncing a crying Virgil in his arms and the twins were hugging each other for dear life. Patton had dropped the news onto them and then just...wandered into the kitchen. Thinking about it made him want to run to the nearest bathroom and heave his guts up.

A cool hand enclosed around Patton’s shoulder. Patton’s body was pulled gently and soon, his head was pressed against Remy’s. “Never,” Remy answered. “You’re one of the best dads I know.” Remy chuckled then. “Not that I have much experience to go off of.” When Patton didn’t laugh, Remy sighed. “That was supposed to be a joke.”

“Not funny.”

“No...I guess not.” 

Patton closed his eyes. He listened to the sound of the hospital groaning around him. Monitors beeped, people cried, and nurses gossiped. It was all so rhythmic, hypnotic. Patton’s eyes couldn’t help but droop at times because of it. He never got the chance to close his eyes and drift away though. Maybe if he had, he would have dreamed that this entire experience was just a nightmare. Maybe he’d opened his eyes to Deceit curled up against him in their bed, eyes sleepy but warm as he smiled up at Patton.

“Family of Deceit Sanders?”

All noise that wasn’t the doctor drained into the background as a nonexistent hum. Patton sat up. He wobbled on his feet as he stood but Remy held him steady.

“I’m his husband,” Patton managed. “H...how is he?” 

The doctor dipped her head and it took every muscle in Patton’s body to keep him from collapsing right there and then. Fear shook him to the bone and he dreaded the word about to leave the doctor’s mouth.

“He’s in critical condition.” The doctor lifted her head, meeting Patton’s eyes. “He sustained multiple broken bones and internal injures.I’m afraid we had to amputate his left eye due to the severity of his wounds on that side of his face. His brain also sustained serious bleeding. The good news is that we stopped the bleeding. The bad news is that it has caused serious damage to his brain and therefore his body.”

Patton placed a hand over his mouth, trying to keep down the bile.

Remy stepped forward. “He’s...going to be okay though, right?” His hand was on Patton’s shoulder, thumb rubbing gentle circles. 

The doctor looked at Remy and then Patton. She sighed and then looked down again. “We’re doing everything we can,” she answered. 

Patton’s brain short-circuited. He thought of all the hospital shows he and Deceit binged while the kids were asleep. Whenever that phrase popped up, it didn’t usually end well. The injured character would be in a coma until they either wake up from a long coma or died before their loved ones at the worst possible moment. Patton had laughed with Deceit at times over the absurd Hollywoodized moments. Now he was living it and nobody was laughing.

“Can we see him?” Remy asked. The hand on Patton’s shoulder was tighter now as if it were pinching Patton to wake him up.

“Of course.” The doctor led them down the hallway. Patton followed but his steps felt heavy. It was like there was a weight strapped to his legs. His mind was just as weighted. He didn’t even realize he was in Deceit’s hospital room until Remy pinched him again.

“Mr. Sanders? Are you alright?”

Patton shook himself. “Y— yeah,” he answered and he looked up from his feet, eyes instantly falling onto Deceit’s bed. 

Deceit was unrecognizable. Tubes covered him from head to toe. There were bags full of blood and other fluids Patton didn’t really recognize. A machine beeped slowly by Deceit’s bedside, counting his heartbeat as if it were a ticking clock. Deceit was dressed head to toe in bandages and casts. His lips were split and dry. What little skin Patton could see was bruised deep purple and blue. Some even looked black.

A pair of hands gripped Deceit’s broken fingers. When the cloudiness in Patton’s head drifted away, he realized it was his hands holding Deceit’s. The fingers were cold against his skin. If it weren’t for the heart monitor, Patton would’ve thought Deceit was already dead. 

“I’ll leave you alone for a minute. Let me know if you have any questions.”

The door clicked shut and Remy sat down in a chair beside Patton. Patton looked up at him. He watched how Remy stared at Deceit. His eyes were growing wet and it wasn’t until hot tears splattered against his hands that Patton realized he was crying too.

Patton knew he should be a good friend and try to comfort Remy. Remy had been doing the same for him and the kids. Patton could make himself move his hands to Remy’s. He couldn’t even speak. What could he say? It was so much easier before. They had hope that maybe Deceit had been lucky, that he had gotten to the hospital in time. Now, seeing Deceit with their own eyes, they couldn’t help but watch as their hope drained away.

Deceit breathed a shaky breath and Patton looked away from Remy. Tears filled his eyes as he stared. Deceit’s entire left face was covered in bandages. They were sunken in where his eye had been and Patton remembered what the doctor said.

_ “We had to amputate.” _

Patton’s fingers brushed over Deceit’s bruised but uncovered cheek. The cold sent shocks up his fingertips. He broke into a sobbing mess shorty after.

“Pat? Pat, come here.” Remy tried to draw Patton away from Deceit.

Patton shook him off and bolted from the room. He ran down the hallway, eyes catching on the sign for the men’s restroom. He shoved the door open and ran into the nearest stall. His knees bit into the cold tile and his fingers gripped the porcelain bowl until he worried it would crack.

The last time his head had been thrust over a toilet filled with pizza chunks, Patton was a junior in college. He had gone to a party with a couple of friends and gotten drunk off only two shots. He spent most of the party in the bathroom. Deceit had walked in at some point and rubbed his back. They didn’t know each other back then but Deceit was there for him nonetheless. Patton wished he was now.


	12. The Good Bad Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids want to see Deceit

“Pop?” 

“Yeah, Lo?”

“When do we get to visit dad?”

The question made Patton want to hurl. He thought of Deceit wired up and barely breathing without a machine. He thought of four days ago when Patton had walked in on him having a seizure. He thought of the pain and how it completely tore up what little help he had for his husband’s recovery. The kids deserved to see their dad but Patton was scared to let them. What if they were better off blind? What would happen if they saw exactly what Remy and Patton talked to them about? Would they break? Worse? Seeing was always so much more worse than hearing. 

“Soon, Honey. I promise.”

Two weeks after the accident, Deceit still hadn’t opened his eyes and the kids had yet to see him. Logan gave up asking after the first week went by. He had cornered Patton about it but backed off when his dad suddenly broke down. He had promised not to ask anymore before bolting to his room, slamming the door behind him. For a short second, Patton wondered if it was over. Logan wasn’t the only one asking anymore though. 

When Patton came home from the hospital one night, he found Thomas and Virgil curled up on the couch together. Virgil was crying into Thomas’ T-shirt while Thomas counted in a soft, slow voice.

“What’s going on?”

“Anxiety attack,” Thomas answered. “He had two today.”

Patton sat down beside Virgil and Thomas. He ran a hand through Virgil’s hair, cooing to him softly until his little boy looked up at him. “Hey, Honey,” Patton said. “What’s the matter?”

Virgil whimpered. “I...I keep thinking a...about M...Mommy,” he answered. “Is...is daddy going to d...die t...too?”

His words knocked the wind out of Patton. Patton and Deceit had adopted Virgil promising a life where he didn’t have to go through that kind of heartbreak or stress again. Yet here he was, reliving it. 

“Oh, Virge. Your daddy isn’t—”

“Then why can’t we see him?”

That had shut Patton up. He looked down at his lap, unable to meet his own son’s eye. He wasn’t able to give Virgil an answer that night. Nor was he able to do it after that or when Roman finally confronted him.

Roman was suffering from nightmares. There were two dreams. The dragon witch would swoop into Roman’s castle in one. Sometimes it would kidnap his family. Other times it just swallowed them whole. In the end, Roman was always alone. For the other dream, Roman would be standing in front of a hospital door. He could see Deceit’s silhouette through the window but no matter how hard he cried, the door never opened. He slept in the bottom bunk with Remus when the dreams popped up, snuggling as close to his twin as possible.

It was on the third week after the accident that Patton ran into Roman and Remus’ room after hearing a fit of screaming. When he entered, he found Roman on the top bunk. He was sitting up, gasping for air. Remus was with him, rubbing his back and holding his hand. 

“Ro? Ro?” Patton climbed up the ladder and grabbed Roman’s free hand. “Baby? Can you hear me?”

Roman bobbed his head. “Y...yeah,” he answered.

“Did you have that dream again?”

Roman nodded again.

“Oh, Roman…” Patton squeezed his son’s hand. “Is there something I can do for you, Honey? Would you like some cocoa?”

Roman pulled his hand back and rubbed his eyes. “C...can we go see, Daddy?”

Patton swallowed hard. “Um...visiting hours are over—”

“Tomorrow?” Roman looked up at him with puppy eyes. “I’ll get up really early,” he promised.

Patton just shook his head. “Maybe another time, Ro.”

The look on Roman’s face kept Patton up all night.

The next day, Remy came over to visit. Patton told him about his sleepless night and Roman’s nightmare. Remy just laughed. 

“Dude, you gotta let them sooner or later,” Remy said. “Logan’s a teen but he has a phone. Kid could call an uber at a click of a button.”

Patton dropped his head into his hands. “Why did you say that?” he groaned. 

Remy chuckled. “Sorry,” he said. “But it’s true. You’re being too hard about this. Dee is their daddy. If they want to see him then they should.”

“But what if—”

“It hurts them? Pat, look around. Aren’t they hurting worse living like this?”

Patton sobbed into his hands. “I don’t know what to do, Remy,” he cried. “I don’t.”

Remy hugged him and the day went on.

* * *

At the end of the day, it was Remus who finally convinced Patton.

Remus was careful when Patton set him down on Deceit’s bed. The boy crawled over the tubes and wires, making sure he didn’t pull or crush any of them. He wrapped his arms around his dad, cuddling up against him like he had been wanting to for the past couple days.

Patton watched his son guiltily. He had worried that the kids seeing their dad like he was would affect them worse than if they hadn’t. But then the days went by and he realized Remus wasn’t talking. He had stopped after seeing the car on the TV. Patton had just thought Remus was giving him the cold shoulder but as the days went by and both Thomas and Remy failed at getting him to talk, Patton worried. He tried everything. On car rides, he played Remus’ favorite music. At bedtime, Patton read every story he could think of. No matter what, Remus didn’t speak. He’d laugh, cry, and groan but he didn’t speak a word. 

Patton had spent hours on the internet the last couple of nights. There were at least ten open tabs on his phone, all of them articles on children’s health and PTSD. He knew he had to do something about it soon but not right now. Remus needed to be with Deceit. They all did. 

“You need a blanket, Re?” Patton asked. He stroked a hand through Remus’ hair, brushing back the kid’s wild bangs. He needed a haircut. His brothers needed one too. Patton added it to the list of things he’d neglected since the accident. Maybe Remy could take the boys out later? They’d like that. Remy was still fun. Patton was...a mess.

A little hum left Remus and he curled tighter to Deceit. He shook his head and closed his eyes as he listened to his dad’s heartbeat.

“Okay.” Patton stepped away from Remus and Deceit. He glanced at the other boys in the corner of his eye, gauging their reactions.

Roman and Virgil each held one of Logan’s hands. The three stared at Deceit, their faces each showing something different. Logan’s face was cool and collected but Patton could see the pain hiding in the corners of his eyes. Roman looked terrified. He was white-knuckling Logan’s hand and his eyes were wide as saucers. As for Virgil, he was smiling. There was relief in his eyes, his gaze focused on the heart monitor that let out a steady beeping. 

Patton pulled some folding chairs out from the corner of the room. He set them up around Deceit’s bed and then beckoned for the boys to come sit. Logan and Virgil had done as told. Roman did as well but he had hesitated and sat in the chair farthest from his Deceit.

“Is...is that really dad?” Roman asked. 

“Yes,” Patton answered. He looked at Deceit himself, heart aching. There was a little bit more color to his cheeks now. The rest of his face was pale, making him look like one of those beat-up, rosy-cheeked porcelain dolls. This was a good day for Deceit. The kids didn’t know that though. 

“He doesn’t look like Mommy did.” Virgil sounded so relieved when he said so. “She lost all her hair and…” Virgil trailed off, suddenly looking sad. 

“Your mom had cancer, right, Virgil?” Logan asked.

Virgil shrugged and placed a hand over his ribs. “Mommy said it was a bug in her lungs. She said the bugs live in cigarettes.”

Patton thought about the little corkboard near Virgil’s bed back home. It was covered in pictures of Virgil’s mom. She had been a very young woman with a punk/gothic style Patton noticed Virgil seemed to be slowly adopting. She always had a cigarette between her lips. 

Roman shrunk in his seat. “Daddy isn’t going to go away too, right?” 

Patton opened his mouth to answer but Virgil beat him to it. 

“Daddy looks way better than Mommy did when she was sick,” Virgil reassured. “He has all his hair and he isn’t coughing like Mommy was. The coughing was really scary.”

Patton shivered. He couldn’t imagine how scary that had been for Virgil. 

Virgil’s words seemed to cheer Roman up though. The little boy relaxed. He jumped off his chair and waddled over to Deceit’s bed. He hesitated for a second but reached out for his dad nonetheless. He thread his fingers with Deceit’s bandaged ones and smiled.

“He’s warm,” Roman said. “He looked cold.” He pressed Deceit’s hand to his face and closed his eyes. He started humming at some point. Patton wasn’t really sure what song it was but he welcomed it. The song wasn’t sad or haunting. It was light and joyful. 

Logan joined in after a little while, and the humming danced around the living room, brightening it and melting the iciness of the clinical white walls.

Bing!

Patton looked down at his phone. He had gotten a text from Remy.

**_Cool Snorlax: So what’s the verdict? Good Idea? Bad idea?_ **

Patton glanced around the room, taking in the mix of sad but still hopeful faces.

**_Pattman: Good._ **


	13. Hydrangeas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy has an idea.

Four weeks after the accident, the kids were visiting Deceit regularly. When they came home from school, they’d come to the hospital. They’d tell Patton and Deceit about their day and then sit on the floor while they did their homework. 

“Dad was always good at math,” Roman said as he chewed on his pencil. “Maybe he can help me telepathically.”

“They do say people in comas can hear what’s going on around them,” Logan said as he read from a textbook. “It’s not a completely unreasonable idea.”

“See that?” Roman puffed up his chest. “I’m smart too.”

Patton shook his head and turned on the TV mounted to the wall. “Come on you three,” he said. “Take a break. You’ve been at that for hours.”

The kids did as Patton said. They crawled up onto the folded chairs and Patton handed Virgil the remote. It was his turn to pick the channel today. 

“Maybe I should wake Remus and help him with his homework?” Logan nodded at Deceit's bed where Remus was resting. “He’s falling behind.”

Patton shook his head. “Leave him be.”

Logan nodded and looked back to the TV. Virgil had put it on PBS. There was a nature documentary about spiders of all things playing. Patton couldn’t bring himself to waste the energy in being scared. He was too tired to care about the creepy-crawly death dealers. 

Patton sprawled back in his chair, melting into it. The peace only lasted so long though. The very next second, Remy burst into Deceit’s room with an armful of Happy Meals and a stack of crayons and paper. His sunglasses were sitting on his head and he was grinning ear to ear. 

“Hey, kids!” Remy yelled. “Look what I got!”

Patton eyed the mess in Remy’s arms. He knew Remy had gone for lunch but he didn’t remember anything saying that McDonald's was selling art supplies now too. 

“Remy, what's all this for?”

Remy’s grin didn’t waver. “It’s gloomy as hell in here.” He waved at the white walls boxing Deceit in. “Figured if we decorated a bit Snake Boi would feel more like waking up.”

This caught the kids’ attention. Logan, Roman, and Virgil looked away from their show. They shot Remy with their gaze, eyes wide and hopeful. Patton was almost jealous. 

“Will it work?” Roman’s voice was impossibly small and hopeful. “The pictures?”

Remy handed Roman some paper and a box of Crayons. “It’s worth a try,” he said.

Both Roman and Virgil dived out of their chairs and sat down on the floor. They didn’t start coloring right away. They argued a bit, not sure what to draw. Roman wanted to draw pictures from his favorite Disney movies but Virgil thought they should make get-well cards. 

Logan sighed and fiddled with his glasses. “Why don’t we draw things Dad likes?” he suggested. “We could try drawing his garden?”

Roman and Virgil beamed at the idea. They started drawing again, asking Logan for help when they struggled to remember what certain flowers looked like.

Patton watched his boys quietly. He wanted to sit down on the floor with them. He knew that Deceit would love a few pictures of his blue hydrangea. He had bought the plant the day they met Logan for the first time at the orphanage. When Patton asked him why, he said it reminded him of Logan’s eyes. The kids probably wouldn’t know what a hydrangea is but Patton could describe it. Well, he could if his mouth didn’t feel like it was full of sand. 

“Pop?” Logan held up a blank piece of paper. “What was dad’s favorite flower again?”

A shaky sigh eased past Patton’s lips. “It’s...um...it’s called a hydrangea,’ he answered.

“What’s that?” Virgil asked.

Patton smiled. “Oh, you’ve seen them before, honey.” He walked over to his boys and knelt down on the floor with them. He grabbed a blue crayon and started to draw the tiny flowers. His boys crowded around him, smiles slowly easing onto their faces. 

“Pa! Pa!” Virgil held up his drawing. “Like this?”

The drawing was a hydrangea. The flowers were too big but Patton didn’t say so. He just bobbed his head and praised his son until Virgil was blushing. It should have made Patton smile but instead, it made his lip wobble. He couldn’t help but think of the times he watched Deceit make Virgil smile and blush. What if he’d never get the chance again?

A hand pressed against Patton’s shoulder. When he looked up, Remy was giving him a worried look.

“I’m fine,” Patton reassured. 

Remy raised a brow at him but said nothing more. Instead, he wandered over to where Remus was sitting in Deciet’s bed. He handed Remus some colors and paper. The boy drew silently in bed, still refusing to slip away from his dad.

Patton felt tears well up in his eyes again but he forced them back.  _ No more crying, _ he told himself. _ We’re smiling today. The kids need it. Hope. Remember hope. _

* * *

When the drawings were done, Remy lifted Virgil while Patton lifted Roman. The two boys taped their drawings across the hospital walls, covering every inch in blooming flowers. There were roses, honeysuckle, and an entire wall full of blue hydrangeas. When they were finished, the hospital room looked just like Deceit’s garden.

“Hey, how about we go get some ice cream, yeah?” Remy suggested. “We deserve it.”

Virgil and Roman cheered in answer and Logan scooped them up into his arms, walking them towards the door. Remy turned to Patton, pointing at him. “You’re going too,” he said. “You and Remus. We all need a minute out of this place.”

Patton nodded. He knew arguing with Remy wasn’t going to get them anywhere. He knew that his friend was right. He’d spent over four weeks locked away in the hospital. It was time for some air. 

“I’ll get Remus,” Patton said. 

Remy grinned and ran ahead. He followed Logan, Roman, and Virgil out of the room. The door swung shut behind him and Patton closed his eyes. He let himself breathe for a moment and looked up at the pictures surrounding him. The kids really did do a great job.

“R...Re?”

A raspy, wheezing noise sounded from Deceit’s bed. Patton frowned and spun on his heal. Deceit was blinking tiredly at Remus. He tried to touch his son’s cheek but the muscles in his arms were too weak. Remus noticed and carefully lifted Deceit’s hand. Tears rolled down the little boy’s cheeks and splattered against Deceit’s bandaged fingers.

Patton placed a hand over his mouth, stifling himself as a rush of disbelief, relief and hope rushed through him at once. 


	14. The Waking Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit wakes up.

When Deceit woke up, he was in a bed that wasn’t his. His body felt heavy and Remus was crying. Deceit had tried calling out for his son but he only managed a broken “Re..” before his voice trailed off into raspy breaths. Nevertheless, Remus heard him. His son looked at him, eyes growing as big as saucers. After that, Deceit remembered touching Remus’s cheek. He remembered tears dripping against his fingers. It had confused him even more but just as badly broke his heart. 

He fell back to sleep minutes after that. His eyes had felt too heavy. He dreamt of himself standing in front of his full-length mirror. He was wearing his favorite suit and Patton was chatting to him from the bathroom. He spun a few times in the mirror, loving the way the back of the suit flapped in the movement. When he faced the mirror again after the spin, his reflection was warped. His face had metal, plastic, and glass pieces protruding out of it. Blood bled down from the mess that was his left eye. It soaked into his shirt caller, staining the yellow a bloody orange and brown.  “Dee?”

Deceit latched onto Patton’s voice and his eyes flew open. He awoke from the dream, the sun filtering through the window smacking him in the face like a cold bucket of water. He blinked a couple of times, clearing the sun and sleep. As he did, he realized that he could only see from one eye. The other he could only see black. 

_ “What the fuck?”  _ he thought and he tried to touch his eye. He felt bandages beneath his fingertips.  _ “What the fuck?!” _

Patton pried his fingers away from the bandages. He spoke softly, his words and hands shaking. He looked like he had been crying for days.  _ “Why?”  _ Deceit thought. _ “What’s wrong?”  _ He tried to ask out loud but his voice wouldn’t work. He felt like he had swallowed stones, a whole truckload. The answers found their way to him eventually though as a woman in a white lab coat stepped up to his bed.

For the next hour, Deceit was briefed on everything. Patton told him about the car wreck and the doctor told him about his injuries. Deceit stayed quiet and listened with his hands folded in his lap. As soon as he’d start to process one thing, they’d throw another at him until his brain was so packed full he was sure it would snap. 

“We had to amputate.”

“Four-week coma.”

“Brain damage.”

His heartbeat wildly in his chest. When it felt like his heart was going to lodge itself into his throat, Dee held Remus a little tighter. The boy had glued himself to Deceit at some point. He didn’t really remember when the kid had climbed into bed with him. It didn’t really matter. Remus refused to let go no matter what Patton, Remy, or the other boys said. Deceit was thankful for it though. He needed something grounding, something more comforting than what his doctor and Patton were telling him.

When the doctor finally left, Deceit was surrounded by his sons and Patton. They sobbed in his arms, scared and relieved. They bombarded him with too long sentences and warbled cries.

“We thought we lost you!”

“I’ll never drink soda again.”

“I love you. I missed you. I love you.”

Deceit held them as best he could. The doctor told him that his arms were both badly broken and that his motor functions wouldn’t be as good as they used to be due to brain damage. Just thinking about it made Deceit’s throat burn from stomach acid so he thought about his husband and boys instead. They were shaking so hard in his arms. He tried to reassure them verbally but his words were jumbled. He couldn’t get his brain to put them in the right order. It was like everything in his head was a puzzle that had just been thrown to the floor. He couldn’t find the right pieces. Some were scattered under the couch and some were flipped over. It made Deceit want to cry but he didn’t. Patton and kids were doing that enough for him.

About four hours later, Deceit finally got a moment to grieve on his own. The kids and Patton were asleep on the cots a nurse had brought in. They breathed easy, faces tracked with drying tears. 

Remy was the only other person awake. He was chatting animatedly about whatever he was reading on his Instagram. It was giving Deceit a headache and he tried to say so but…

“I...I…” Deceit’s chest rose and fell like there was someone sitting on it. “G...goddamn...it…”

Remy trailed off and ran a hand through Deceit’s hair. “Take it slow,” he said. “You’ve just woken up. Don’t strain yourself.”

Deceit shook his head. He tried speaking again but got impatient and irritated with himself. He couldn’t even write something out on a piece of paper. His arms were in casts and his fingers felt heavier than his chest. 

Remy started laughing. “Oh, that’s our Dee alright. Look at that pout!”

Deceit cast him a glare. Or, he tried to. His face was a little difficult to move right now with the mess of bandages and band-aids strapped to it. 

“How are you taking it?” Remy set his phone to the side and crossed his legs. “It's been a long day for you.”

Deceit wetted his lips. “I…” he swallowed. “It’s...a lot.”

Remy nodded. His hand had moved to hold Deceit’s hand. 

A tear rolled down Deceit’s cheek. “There’s...so much, y...you know? My b...boys, my...body…” He sobbed. “W...what am I s..supposed to...to grieve first?”

“Oh, Dee.” Remy squeezed Deceit’s hand. “There’s no order to this kind of—”

“I lost my eye!” Deceit wailed. He clutched at his face with his free hand but could barely feel his nails digging into the skin. “My body is sc...arred and disfigured.” He let out a gasping sob. “My...my kids are...are...their hurt and it...it’s all my f...ault. P...Patton was a..alone. I...It’s all my—”

“Shh,” Remy embraced Deceit. “You’re okay, Babe. Just let it out.” He rubbed Deceit’s back. “Let it out.”

Deceit screamed, the noise muffled by Remy’s shoulder.

“We’re gonna take it one step at a time, okay, Dee?” Remy said as he cradled Deceit through it. “You’re right. There’s a lot to unpack but we don’t have to do it all at once.”

“B— but the kids—”

“You don’t worry about the kids.” Remy smoothed back Deceit’s greasy hair. “Leave that to me and Patton, okay? We need you to focus on recovering.”

“What a...about P...Patton?” Deceit’s lip wobbled. “I...I s...saw h...how he l...looked at me. He’s...i’ve never s...seen him so h...hurt.”

Remy sighed and dipped his head so his forehead was against Deceit’s shoulder. “What happened to you scared him, Dee. It scared the kids of course but I think it scared him more. He just...he completely ran out of hope the second he saw you in this bed. He struggled to tell the kids you were going to be okay. He just...he’s going to feel guilty about that.”

“W...what d...do I do?”

“Hold him.” Remy shrugged. “Remind him that you're here. That you two are okay.” He shook his head. “I...don’t know, Dee. This isn’t really my thing.”

“No…” Deceit leaned back, dropping himself back against his pillows. His eyes felt heavy. “But you’re...right.”

“I’m gonna need that on tape.”

“Shut up.” Deceit closed his eyes. “Thanks.”

Remy grinned and squeezed Deceit’s hand. “No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Planning on sending Dee home with the kids next chapter so your snake boi is safe for now ;)


	15. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit goes home.

The doctor released Deceit a week after he woke up. Before he left, Deceit was again bombarded with more information. His doctor gave him check-up dates, phone numbers for physical therapy, and a ton of other things Deceit was too tired to keep up with. He just wanted to go home. At least, he thought he did until Patton started to wheel him outside towards a rental car. 

“P...Pat?”

Patton looked down at him. “What’s wrong, Hon?”

Deceit reached up, threading his fingers with Patton’s on the handles of the wheelchair. He didn’t say anything, just glanced at the car in the corner of his eye. 

“Oh.”

Patton let go of Deceit’s hand. He rounded the wheelchair and knelt down in front of Dee, blocking his view of the car. He placed a hand on his husband’s knee. “How do you want to do this?”

A shaky sigh left Deceit’s lips. “I…” He closed his eyes. “I’ll b...be...okay.”

The hand on his knee squeezed. “Dee, if you need a second, I can give it to you.”

Deceit shook his head. “No. I...I want to go h...ome.” He opened his eyes. “L...lets go.”

Patton stayed on his knees, giving Deceit a second to prepare himself anyway.

* * *

By the time Patton pulled up to his and Deceit house, Deceit was a shaking mess. Sweat beaded at his brow, his breathing erratic. Patton had driven slow and even took the back roads. Despite the effort, Deceit couldn’t feel safe. He kept thinking about the white truck, the sound of screeching metal, his face burning like a candle was being shoved against his skin—

“Honey, you with me?”

Deceit tried to nod but the movement made it feel like a nail was being driven into his brain. “I just...I need to get out of this thing.”

In the next second, Patton was opening the door for him. He picked Deceit up bridal style and carried him up the stairs to their home. They didn’t have a ramp put in for the wheelchair yet. Patton didn’t mind carrying Deceit though. He’d grown lighter since the accident and there was something reassuring about having Deceit in his arms.

“Sorry,” Deceit mumbled. “I’m b...being a pain.”

Patton chuckled but the sound was sad. “I rather you be a pain than…” He swallowed hard. “Nevermind.”

Deceit let the conversation drop and Patton opened the front door. They walked into the living room, finding the kids sitting on the couch with a wrapped box in their laps. They perked up when Patton and Deceit answered, excited smiles reaching their lips. 

“Hey, kids,” Deceit said and he sat down on the couch, letting Patton and the kids help him down. “What’s the box for?”

“It’s for you!” Virgil said and he shoved the box into Deceit’s hands. 

Deceit raised a brow at the boy and then looked down at the gift in his lap. He picked at the wrapping paper. When he finally got a good chunk, he ripped the paper, revealing a large box stuffed full of tiny handmade coupons. He picked up one, reading CAN EXCHANGE FOR ONE HUG in bright red letters. 

“My counselor at school suggested making these,” Logan said. “Not that we wouldn’t do all these things without the coupons.”

“It’s cute,” Deceit chuckled and he opened his arms, beckoning his kids in for a hug. He gave them each a kiss on the cheek and forehead, loving that he could do so without feeling like his limbs weighed a thousand pounds. “Is th...there a k...iss one in h...here too?’ he asked. “Because I think I need a few of those. I’ve been pretty deprived you know.”

Roman and Remus reached into the box, fishing out kiss coupons by the handful. Once all the kids had a coupon in their hands, they jumped onto Deceit, peppering him in sloppy kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. They were careful with the bandages that still covered half his face. Deceit was thankful for that. He didn’t want to think about the scarred skin or the...the...eye.

Deceit shook himself and turned his head, looking up at Patton. His husband was leaning over the back of the couch, watching happily as his husband was covered in kisses. “And w...what about y...you?” Deceit asked. “You g...gonna give me a kiss t...too?”

Patton shrugged. “I don’t have a coupon.”

Virgil threw one at Patton’s face, the shred of paper getting caught instantly in Patton’s curls.

“Nice throw, Virge,” Roman praised. 

Deceit gave Patton a shit-eating grin. Patton just rolled his eyes and leaned forward, planting a kiss on Deceit’s lips. It was supposed to be short and sweet but Deceit wasn’t having any of that. He put his hand on the back of Patton’s head and kissed his husband deeper. 

The kids made puking and gagging noises as they watched but they were all smiling. Even Remus, despite being so quiet lately, was laughing. 

Patton licked his bruised lips once he managed to pull away. A blush covered his cheeks and he tried to glare at Deceit but the kids’ smiles were infectious. A toothy smile broke out across his face. Deceit couldn’t help but share it. 

* * *

It was late when they all finally went to bed. They had played around for most of the day with Deceit’s box of coupons, using up over half of them. Roman put in a Disney movie at some point and the entire family lounged on the couch while Brave played on the widescreen. The kids dropped one by one as midnight came nearer. Virgil and Remus were first, then Logan, and lastly Remus. Patton had put them all to bed on his own. Deceit had wanted to help but he couldn’t lift heavy things until his physical therapist or doctor told him so. 

When the kids were settled, Patton came back for Deceit. He led his husband to the bedroom, helping him into his PJs and then under the covers. 

“How you feeling?” Patton asked as he cuddled up to Deceit. “Not too much?”

Deceit cupped Patton’s face with one hand, running his thumb over the curve of his husband’s cheek. “It was at first,” he admitted. “I...um...the car kinda f...freaked me o...out but the kids helped.”

Patton smiled. “They’re good at that, aren’t they?” he asked. 

“Surprised th...they didn’t d...ecorate the house in fl...flowers.”

Patton laughed. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“How about you?” Deceit watched as Patton’s face fell. “H...how are you doing?”

“Oh, well..” Patton looked anywhere but Deceit’s face. “I’m fine. You’re home and…”

“Pat, Remy t...told me,” Deceit said, voice hushed. “You...you don’t need to feel g...guilty for what you felt.”

Patton’s eyes watered. “How can’t I feel guilty? Dee, I gave up on you.”

“You didn’t,” Deceit argued. “You s...stayed with me and you d...didn’t crush the kids. You let them put fl...flowery drawings all over my r...oom. If you really gave up on me you would h...have never done that.”

Patton curled in closer to Deceit and locked their lips together. He sighed into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut. Before they could go anywhere further, the door to their room creaked open.

Deceit opened his eyes and turned in his and Patton’s bed, coming face to face with Remus. The little boy was standing next to the bed with bloodshot eyes and a shy smile on his lips. 

“W...wanna sleep with us?”

Remus nodded.

“Come up h...ere then.”

The boy did as told. He glued himself to Deceit’s side, koalaing him with ease. Deceit let Remus do what he needed to. He ran his fingers through his son’s hair.

“Your Pop t...tells me you h...haven’t been talking.”

Remus looked away.

Deceit pressed a kiss to the top of Remus’ head. “It’s okay, Re, I’m not m...mad.” 

Remus looked up at him, eyes wide.

Deceit tipped his head to the side. “Did you th...think I would b... be?”

Remus shrugged.

“Oh, baby.” Deceit hugged his son tighter. “Kiddo, it’s okay.”

Patton reached out and ran a hand lightly through Remus’ hair. “I was talking to Daddy’s new psychologist the other day. They said that they’d like to help you talk again if you wouldn’t mind meeting them.”

Remus looked between his dads. He bobbed his head and then pointed at Patton and Deceit.

Deceit laughed. “Of c...course we’ll c...come with you,” he reassured and he kissed Remus’ cheek again. “I’m not l...leaving you again.”

With those words, the damn broke for not just Remus but Patton too. Both of them broke down and Deceit embraced them both, peppering them in kisses and soft words. “Never again,” he promised. “I’m here. I’m here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws the fluff at you* Take it while you can get it! Hoard it like toilet paper!


	16. Taco Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just really want tacos today and I miss Logan.

It was a day or so after Deceit came home and Logan was in the Laundry room. He dumped Roman and Remus’ clothes in the washer, one hand covering his nose as he handled Remus’ socks. He didn’t know what his little brother did with them but they smelled like they belonged in a hazard bin.

Logan put a cup of soap into the washer and then started it up. His brothers' clothes done, he moved on to the dryer. He popped it open, pulling out Virgil’s clothes. He folded them up and placed them in the laundry basket to take to Virgil’s room later. He was extremely careful with Virgil’s black hoodie. It was a raggedy looking thing with tears and patches where cigarette ash had burned into it. Virgil refused to part with it though. He said it was a special hoodie, one he dared not part with. Logan didn’t argue with him on it. Not yet at least. He had been talking to Roman about pitching in to buy Virgil a new hoodie for his birthday. Logan wanted to get Virgil one that looked similar to the old one but Roman wanted to get him a colorful one. 

_"Red would be perfect, Lo!"_ he had said the other day. _"It's so pretty and--"_

Logan shook his head. "Bright," he said, mimicking Roman's voice.  Hoodie folded, he set it down in the basket. He stared at it for a second, hand on his chin. "Maybe we could--" 

BANG!

Logan jumped as the sound of metal clanked from somewhere upstairs. His heart thundered in his chest as he bolted up the basement steps. He hurried into the kitchen, stopping short as he found his father kneeling on the tiled floor, his wheelchair tipped over. Several pots and pans were scattered everywhere.

“Dad?”

Deceit didn’t hear him. His hands were clapped over his ears. He was gasping too, his chest rising and falling like he couldn't get any air in. 

"Dad!" 

Deceit pitched forward, his nails digging into the tiles as he struggled. Tears pinpricked at the corners of Logan’s eyes as he watched. He forced them back though when they started to fall. He took in a deep breath, and walked over to his dad, kneeling down in front of him. 

“Dad?” he called again, gentler this time. 

Deceit’s head shot up and he looked into Logan’s eyes. His own were fogged over and wide with terror. He wasn't in the kitchen right now. He was somewhere else and Logan felt chills run up his spine as he realized where. 

“Oh, Dad,” Logan whispered and he slowly wrapped his arms around Deceit. “It’s okay. You’re home. You're not in the car.”

“Lo?” Deceit’s fingers clutched the back of Logan’s head. “Lo?”

“I’m here.”

Deceit let out a shuttered breath. He gripped Logan tighter, fingers pulling a little too tight. Logan put up with it though. He bit through the stinging pain and started to count for his dad. As he counted, he exaggerated his breathing, trying to get Deceit to copy him. By the time the tile was starting to make his knees hurt, Logan felt Deceit's chest rising and falling steadily with his own. 

“I’m sorry.”

Logan pulled back a little, looking down into his father’s eyes. The fog had faded a little now. Instead of fear, shame had eased its way into them. “It’s okay, Dad,” Logan said. He looked around at the mess of pots and pans. “What were you doing in here?”

“It’s t..taco Tuesday,” Deceit sighed. “I...wanted to m...ake it for you guys...like old times. I c...couldn’t grab the pan g...ood enough though from the cup...board so they all fell and I…” Deceit swallowed hard. “The metal...it sounded just like…”

Logan squeezed his dad’s hand. “It’s okay, Dad. You don’t have to explain it.” He helped Deceit up then and into his wheelchair again. Once his dad was good, Logan moved to pick up the pans. He was careful as he did so, not wanting to trigger him. 

As Logan managed the pans, Deceit wheeled over to the fridge. He pulled out a pound of hamburger, tomatoes, cheese, and lettuce. Logan watched him out of the corner of his eye, brow raised.

“What?” Deceit asked. “I’m not g...giving up that easily.” He smiled up at Logan. “Want to help your old man? Like old times?”

Logan smiled. “Of course.” He set a pan on the stove and Deceit got started on browning the hamburger. The stove sat pretty short so Deceit was still able to man the stovetop despite being in a chair. 

“Can you pop some t...tortillas in the oven? We just want them toasted.”

Logan chuckled. “I’m not Remus, Dad,” he reassured. “I’m not a fan of making charcoal frisbees.”

Deceit barked out a laugh. “Oh, that boy. Why do I let him in my kitchen?”

The pair chatted back and forth as they moved about the kitchen. They reminisce about the good times until the kitchen was overflowing with warmth and laughter. When they were just starting to wrap the tortillas up burrito style, a knock sounded at the kitchen entrance. 

Logan looked up with his dad, smiling as Roman and Patton walked in. Roman spun around the kitchen, he was wearing his ballet shoes and clothes yet. He must not have wanted to change after practice.

“It smells so good!” Roman praised and he reached into the bowl housing the freshly cut tomatoes. He took out a handful, popping them into his mouth like they were candy. “I missed Taco Tuesday.”

Patton bent down and gave Deceit a kiss on the forehead. “Looks like you two were having fun,” he said.

Logan grinned at his dads and then looked down at Roman. “Come on, Ro,” he said. “Let’s go get Virgil and Remus.”

“Okay!” Roman cheered. “But only if I get a piggyback!”

Logan rolled his eyes but bent down for Roman nevertheless. Roman climbed aboard. Once his arms were secured around Logan’s neck. Logan shot up the stairs, going so fast that Roman screamed with glee.

“Careful!” both Deceit and Patton yelled after them.

The boys ignored them. Roman yelled at Logan to go faster and Logan swayed his body back and forth with every step to rattle his little brother a bit. When they reached the top of the stairs, they were both out of breath.

“Daddy was really happy,” Roman said, hugging Logan’s neck a little tighter. 

Logan glanced back down the stairs, listening as his dads laughed in the kitchen. He smiled. It was just like old times. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Remus goes to therapy with his dads!


	17. What Fruits Basket Teaches Us About Loving Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee and Remus meet their new psychologist.

Deceit sat in his wheelchair, Remus in his lap and Patton by his side. His unbandaged eye was glued to a nameplate fastened to the door just to his right. The name DR. EMILE PICANI was written in Disney font of all things and covered in stickers of cartoon characters. In fact, the entire room was decorated in cartoon memorabilia. 

“P...Pat, are y...you sure th...this is the r...right guy?”

Patton bobbed his head.

“Oookay.” Deceit reached out to a nearby table. Instead of magazines, funko pops and copies of the Last Airbender littered the table. “Gotta say...I’m not sure I’m on board.”

“Oh come on, Dee!” Patton said happily. “He’s got a really good rating.”

Deceit raised a brow at his husband. He opened his mouth to make a snide comment but he was interrupted by the sudden click of a door. He turned, eyes falling on a pair of fingers wiggling in the door crack.

“It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for!” the owner of the fingers yelled. “Dum, duh, duh, dum!” The fingers wiggled, a full hand slowly emerging. “Duh, duh, duh, brippy de dappity duhhhhh—”

“What are you doing?”

“Aw,” A man with purple hair stuck his head out of the door. “You ruined my cool entrance.”

“How fun!” Patton chimed.

Deceit blinked at the stranger. “Please tell me you’re the doctor’s assistant?”

“Nope!” The man fully stepped into the room and took a seat behind his desk. “I’m Dr. Picani. Nice to meet you.” He held his hand out to Patton first. “You must be the Sanders family.”

“That’s us!” Patton said cheerfully as he shook the doctor’s hand.

“You’re quite the adorable group,” Dr. Picani said as he gave Deceit and Remus his hand next. “I look forward to working with you all.”

“Same here,” Deceit said, though he wasn’t completely sure he meant it. He nodded at the Stitch funko pop on Dr. Picani’s desk. “So what’s up with the cartoon schtick?”

Dr. Picani chuckled. “Oh, I usually help my patients by giving them examples from cartoons to reflect on. Also, I just like cartoons.”

Deceit raised a brow. “Usually?”

“Well, your cases are a bit more difficult,” Dr. Picani admitted. “There aren’t really any good children’s TV shows that effectively talk about PTSD and childhood traumas.”

Patton raised a brow. “Didn’t Voltron—”

Dr. Picani sighed. “Voltron did show the challenges of PTSD but it didn’t actually discuss it. There was no acknowledgment of it from Takashi Shirogane or the other characters.”

“But didn’t Shiro show that he’s stronger than his trauma by always pushing forward despite the trauma?” Patton asked.

“Good argument but in order for that to work well, there still needed to be a moment of Shiro recognizing his trauma within the show and deciding not to let it cripple him. We can only assume that this happened off-screen since we didn’t actually see it in the show itself. It’s why I rather not use it as an example. I want my patients to actually see how a character dealt with their trauma, not makeup headcanons.”

“Hmmm…” Patton nodded. “Touché.”

Dr. Picani grabbed a stack of paper and markers. “It’s okay if there aren’t that many cartoons that fit your experiences,” he reassured. “I have a backup plan!”

“One that involves markers?” Deceit asked.

“I want Remus to try communicating by drawing what he wants to say or how he’s feeling.” He nodded at both Patton and Deceit. “I think it would help if you joined in too. If you don’t mind, of course.”

Deceit raised a brow. He opened his mouth to speak but Dr. Picani gave him a look. Deceit huffed and grabbed a yellow marker, drawing a thumbs up on a piece of paper.

“Perfect!” Dr. Picani nodded at Remus. “Okay, Remus. You okay if we start?”

Remus picked up a green maker, drawing his own thumbs up. 

“Wonderful!” Dr. Picani leaned back in his chair. “So, did something happen to you recently? Something that made you feel bad?”

The three adults watched as Remus picked out an assortment of markers. He drew a gory image of a blue car with Deceit’s head in the window. He drew a big red X over his dad and the car after a second of hesitation. When he was done, he slid it across the desk so Dr. Picani could get a better look.

“I see.” Picani glanced away from the drawing. He eyed Deceit and Patton briefly before looking back at Remus. “That must have been really scary, huh? Did you tell your dads how you felt about it?”

Remus drew a picture of his brothers and Patton. Patton was by Deceit’s bedside, talking to nurses, Logan was doing laundry, and both Roman and Virgil were comforting each other. Remus was drawn further away from the others, there were tears in his eyes and his arms were up in a superhero pose.

“What…” Patton looked worriedly at the doctor. “What does that mean?”

“Hmmm...it looks like everyone in this picture is struggling. Remus looks like it too but he’s got strong arms so...he’s trying to be strong.” 

Remus nodded.

Picani clapped his hands together. “That’s it! I know just who your story reminds me of! Remus, have you ever read or seen a series called Fruits Basket before?”

Remus shook his head.

“Well, Fruits Basket is an anime and manga—”

“I thought you usually use kids cartoons?” Patton questioned.

“Technically, anime and manga are Japanese cartoons,” Deceit argued.

“As I was saying, there’s a character called Kisa in the series who also stopped talking after experiencing a trauma. She was bullied, abused, and ignored by the people she thought were dear to her.”

Remus’ eyes widened and he quickly shook his head.

The doctor held up his hands. “It’s okay. I’m not saying you’re being abused. I’m just saying that’s what Kisa’s trauma was.”

Remus calmed down.

“Did this Kisa talk to someone about what was happening to her?”

Dr. Picani pointed at Patton. “That question is the very reason why I brought it up. Kisa did not tell anyone. In fact, her mind actually shut down and she stopped talking.”

“Why?”

“For a similar reason to why I think Remus stopped talking. Kisa didn't want to worry the people around her. She was afraid that she would be hated by her mother if she told her that she was being bullied. She didn’t want to be a burden.”

Patton’s eyes widened. “I...Remus, I would never be mad at you for telling me you were hurting. We all were.”

“Exactly!” Dr. Picani clapped his hands. “You all were suffering. Remus didn’t want to be another person that needed to be comforted and taken care of.”

“You didn’t want to be a burden,” Deceit realized.

Remus nodded, sinking down in his chair. His eyes were wet but tears didn’t fall. 

“Oh, Re…” Patton whimpered, hands over his mouth.

Deceit met Dr. Picani’s eye. “What did Kisa do?” he asked.

“Well, Kisa received a rather rude letter from her teacher saying that she needed to love herself more. Which, is partially correct. Loving yourself is a good way to fight against trauma but this isn’t something that’s extremely easy to do. Another character called Yuki tells Kisa that one can only love oneself when someone else accepts them for who they are. Shortly after that, Kisa realizes how her friend Tohru always said “I love you” to her. She realizes that she was loved and accepted by someone and this helped her to learn to love herself.”

Remus drew a picture of a little girl with a speech bubble above her head. He put a question mark over her and then shoved the picture over to Dr. Picani. 

“Yep!” Dr. Picani answered. “She was eventually able to start speaking again.”

Patton shook his head. “But we do tell Remus we love him.”

“Yes, but has Remus fully registered it yet?” 

Remus picked up the green marker again. He drew a thumbs down this time and looked shamefully at the picture. 

Dr. Picani leaned forward, placing a hand over Remus’. “It’s nothing to feel ashamed about,” he reassured. “Self-love can be a tricky thing to let yourself believe in even if you have a good family.”

“How do we help him?” Deceit asked. 

“Continue to tell him you love him. Show him too. I’ll also send you home with a couple of pamphlets on some self-love exercises you both can practice with him.” Dr. Picani popped the head off of a Winnie the Pooh jar, revealing several bubblegum suckers. “You did a great job today, Remus,” he praised and he let Remus pick whatever sucker he wanted. 

Deceit watched the doctor and Remus quietly, a smile easing over his lips. Maybe he had been wrong about Dr. Picani? The guy seemed like a good doctor after all. His smile fell a little. But would he be able to help Deceit too? That Deceit wasn’t so sure of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy have I had a day! I can not tell you how long I was on Youtube/Google trying to find ONE child’s cartoon that talked about PTSD or child trauma well. Heck, there’s more anime that successfully talks about it! Voltron popped up at some point but...I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think the show did enough when it came to both Shiro’s character and his PTSD but that’s my own opinion. In the end, I made a compilation consisting of ATLA, Legend of Korra, Percy Jackson (the books!), Fullmetal Alchemist, Gangsta, Fruits Basket...etc. I’ve been watching the re-make of Fruits Basket and recently watched the Kisa episode so I was like PERFECT. So yeah, It’s been a long day. Deceit’s therapy session is next. No clue which shows/movies/books I’m gonna use for his yet.


	18. What Legend of Korra Teaches Us About Reconnecting With Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *carefully holds a bowl of angst over fic* Okay, lets only add a little splash…. *dumps in the entire bowl and screams into the void*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my classes are starting, updates will be slowing down so please be patient with me. It’s my last year of college (hopefully) and I really need to keep focused.

Once Remus had his sucker, Patton took him outside for some air. Deceit had reassured him he was okay with them being there for his therapy session but Patton had disagreed. So now Deceit sat alone next to Patton’s empty chair, Dr. Emile Picani sitting straight across from him.

“So how’s the recovery going?” Dr. Picani asked. “It's been...what? A week since you were released?”

“A little less,” Deceit answered and he waved at his mouth. “ Recovery...s...slow,” he admitted. “My motor f...functions are all over the p...place and I still can’t speak well.”

“Oh, I don’t know. You seem to be doing very well speaking.” Dr. Picani offered a smile. “Anything else?”

“I um...I’ve been having nightmares and…” Deceit licked his lips. “Sometimes these...triggers happen. I just...The tiniest thing happens and I just…” Deceit moved his mouth but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“It’s okay,” the doctor reassured. “So you’re experiencing nightmares and triggers.” He wrote something in his notebook. “Have you picked up any phobias?”

Deceit swallowed hard. “Cars,” he answered. “I...I feel trapped when I’m in one.”

Dr. Picani nodded. “It’s practically normal in every way for someone who’s gone through what you have.”

Deceit frowned. “Was that…” He tipped his head to the side. “Mary Poppins?”

“I took some creative licenses, yes.”

Deceit sighed. “I don’t f...feel normal.”

“And that's okay.”

No, it was ironic. Or at least, that’s what Deceit thought. He has always taught the kids that being normal isn’t fun and that they should be proud of being different. He and Patton, since their first meeting have always been different from those around them. People don’t take Patton seriously, people take Deceit too seriously. Patton lived on dad jokes and Deceit drowned himself in the interesting world of law and psychology when he was bored. “Normal” people didn’t get them and it tore them down at times. Deceit didn’t want his kids to feel that way. He pushed them to be as zany or logical as they pleased. Screw normality! Now, here he was, trying his hardest to be the normal version of himself. It was like a slap in the face. One Deceit didn’t know he’d be able to get back up from right away.

“Deceit? Mr. Sanders?”

“Huh?” Deceit shook his head. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Are you alright?”

“Oh. Y...yeah, I’m fine.”

Dr. Picani eyed him. “You didn’t seem fine.”

“Really,” Deceit reassured. “I’m good.”

The doctor didn’t seem to be convinced but he didn’t push Deceit anymore than he already had. Instead, he flipped through a file on his desk, quickly reading over a small section. “You don’t start physical and speech therapy until next week,” he read. “Says here that your doctor encouraged you to do some mental and physical exercises on your own. How have those gone?”

“The kids help me out with the ph...physical stuff,” Deceit said, happy to have an easy question. “And I talk to them and P...Patton about the accident.”

“Okay.” Dr. Picani made another note. “And what do you do on your own?”

“My own?” Deceit scoffed. “I just got out of the h...hospital. I just woke up from a...a four-week c...coma. There’s no way they would l...leave me alone even if...if I wanted th...them to. And I d...don’t! Why wouldn’t I try re...recovering  _ with  _ fa...mily?” He folded his hands over his chest. “Don’t c...cartoons tell us to open up to friends and family? To let them h...help us when we’re d...down? That’s what I’m doing, D...Doctor.”

“A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down but it’s still the bitter stuff that actually helps you.”

“Huh?”

“Using something sweet like your family and friends to help ease you into acknowledging the bitter stuff (your accident) is okay but it’s still you acknowledging the accident that helps you.”

“So you’re saying I sh...shouldn’t rely on my family?”

“No, no. I’m saying you’re family is a crutch. They’re helping you along but at some point, you need to put the crutch down and walk steadily on your own two feet. Take Legend of Korra, Korra went through a handful of traumas herself. She had help from her friend but it was only when she reconnected with herself that she got better. She had to learn various coping mechanisms though and many did not involve her friends and family’s help.”

Deceit frowned. “Didn’t she r...run away and become a boxer?”

“Uh...I’m not so sure it was boxing but yes.” Dr. Picani bobbed his head. “Fighting can be a good coping mechanism if done right and if you are interested in that I can set you up with a program.” He wrote a quick note onto his book again. “Have you seen the red lotus arc?”

“Of course. Korra was all P...Pat and I watched our Fresh...man y...year of c...college.”

“That’s adorable.” Dr. Picani gushed for a second. “Well, then you know that during that arc, Korra gets kidnapped and poisoned?”

Deceit shivered. “Yeah, yeah, I r...remember that. She...um…” Deceit glanced down at his chair. “She ended up in a wheelchair and…”

Dr. Picani nodded. “Suffered from nightmares, severe internal damage, and a heap ton of other things,” he finished for Deceit.

“Yeah, it was...it was a pretty dark ark.” Deceit rubbed the back of his neck. “She usually had her family and friends with her though.”

“Yes, and they were a big help in her healing process but Korra also found ways to cope and heal on her own.” Dr. Picani leaned against his desk. “How did you feel after you woke up, Deceit?”

“Confused.”

“And?”

“Scared.”

“And how did you feel when you learned about your triggers? And your nightmares?”

“I avoided dealing with them.” Deceit stared guiltily at his hands. “I haven’t told Patton about the triggers. He knows about the car thing but...there’s others and I just...I haven’t said anything.”

“Why?”

“It just…” Deceit let out a hiss. “It makes me so  _ angry _ . W...why is my body like this? Why is my b...brain like this? Why am I like this?” Tears budded in the corners of Deceit’s eyes. He looked up at Dr. Picani. “I hate feeling so...so useless. I’m a father of four but I...I can’t even carry my kids. I can’t even hold them sometimes." Deceit raised his hands. “My arms just...they’re not like they used to be.” He sniffed, his nose starting to run. “And then there’s Patton. He never says anything but I...I know he’s struggling. He has to get a j...job now. He hasn’t had one since we adopted L...Logan. He has to drive the kids to school and their activities outside of school too.” Deceit sobbed. “And I can’t help him because I’m stuck in this damn chair.” He pounded his fists against the armrests of his chair, his skin turning red at the abuse.

Dr. Picani stood from his chair and leaned over his desk. He held his hands in front of Deceit’s eyes for a few seconds, making sure they were seen. He then slowly moved them down to where Deceit’s fists were pressed hard against the armrests. He eased Deceit’s hands to the Snoopy plushie on his desk. Deceit’s fingers curled around Snoopy’s soft fur and he clutched it tightly as he cried. 

Deceit’s hands safe from any more damage, Dr. Picani pulled a few tissues free from somewhere near his desk. He handed them over to Deceit who took them with a shaky hand.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Deceit,” Dr. Picani reassured. “Just breathe.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Deceit’s breathing evened and his tears finally stopped falling. 

“Sorry,” Deceit said again.

Dr. Picani smiled. “It’s okay.” He held up his hands. “In fact, I call this a breakthrough.”

“Excuse me?”

“Like Korra, you were avoiding dealing with trauma and you became angry.”

“And that’s a good thing?”

“It is. By becoming angry you are acknowledging that your trauma exists. That’s one of the first steps in dealing with it.”

Deceit chuckled. “Don’t tell that to my kids. They’ll use that for an excuse to have t...temper tantrums.”

“You’re angels? Never!”

“Mmm...you haven’t seen them when they f...fight for the TV remote.”

Dr. Picani chuckled. “Well, either way, it’s a step in the right direction.”

“What’s the next step?”

“Finding ways to reconnect with your inner self,” Dr. Picani answered. “Korra had to try a multitude of things before she found what worked for her.” He pulled a file from a drawer and shoved it towards Deceit. This file has some options. There are some you can do with family and others you can do on your own. If they don’t work for you, just move on down the list. If none of these work for you, call me. I have plenty more.”

Deceit exchanged the plushie in his arms with the file. As he did, Dr. Picani scribbled a few more things on his notebook. 

“Do you need another second?” Dr. Picani asked. “Or would you like me to call Patton and Remus back in?”

Deceit leaned back in his chair and rolled his shoulders. The joints cracked and groaned. “Um... just give me a second?” 

Dr. Picani smiled. “Take all the time you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else stay up till 2:00am to watch Thomas’ new video? I regret nothing!


	19. Dee's Little Cheerleader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit starts doing physical therapy at home. Roman cheers him on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, fam! The first week of the semester is over and so far I don’t have the urge to throw myself out a window! Yay! 
> 
> Remy: Give it a week, Honey. 
> 
> Shut it, Remy! Okay, so my plan is to post chapters on weekends...
> 
> Deceit: Why do you lie to yourself? 
> 
> You want another angsty chapter, Dee? Cuz you're really close to getting one.
> 
> Deceit: Uhh...lie? I didn't say lie. I said uh...pie! You shouldn't keep pie for yourself. You should share! That's...yeah, that's what I was saying.
> 
> Good. Well said.

Sweat beaded down Deceit’s brow. He was sprawled out on his back on the living room floor. His back and head were cushioned by a throw blanket but the fabric didn’t do much to soften the hard surface of the hardwood. It wasn’t as painful; however, as the ache in Deceit’s muscles as he slowly attempted to bend and unbend his right knee.

As the first week home ended, the second began and that meant so did Deceit’s physical therapy. His physical therapist didn’t ask too much of him right off the bat on their first meeting. She simply introduced herself and walked him through some weekly goals she’d like him to set for himself. She taught him some exercises he could easily do at home then walked him through the exorcises he would be doing with her. 

Now, in his own home, Deceit was putting those exercises to the test. He had waited until Patton left for his newest job interview. Dr. Picani had suggested he try some things alone and he wasn’t going to waste both his and Patton’s money by not listening. The kids were home but they were all up in their rooms. Deceit had some peace and quiet to himself. 

With a groan, Deceit finally managed to bend his knee. He kept his knee bent in place, panting as he counted out loud. “3, 2, 1…” As carefully as he could manage, Deceit unbent his knee. He let his muscles relax, starting his counting over. 

Basic exercises like the one Deceit was doing, was meant to strengthen his muscles, aid in circulation, increase joint range and motion. The first couple days, Deceit felt like he was wasting his time but as time went on, he started to pick up on how much stronger his body has gotten. Before, he couldn’t fully bend his knees but today he had finally managed it.

“Goddamnit!” Deceit swore as he struggled to get his left knee to go as far as the right. His therapist had warned him that his left side may be weaker because there was more trauma sustained on that side. He knew this but it still pissed him off.

“Dad?”

Deceit cast a hand of his eyes, swearing to himself. “Hey, Ro.” He collected himself quickly, taking a few deep breaths before uncovering his face. “What’s up—” He stared at his son, eyes wide. “What’s w...with the pom-poms?”

Roman shook his hands, the pom-poms rattling. “I’m your cheerleader!”

“No.” 

“But, Daaaaad!” Roman twirled around. “Logan and I searched all over the basement for these! You don’t want our efforts to go to waste do you?”

“Did you ask Pop if you c...could use them?” Deceit asked. “Those are p...pretty old you know. He had them since high school.”

“Pop said as long as I wasn’t rough with them I could play with them.”

Deceit huffed. “Mmm...fine. But if you’re lying you’re d...doing dishes tonight.”

Roman grinned. “Okay!” He walked into the living room and jumped onto the couch. “Go, Daddy! Go, Daddy!”

Deceit covered his face with his hands again. His face was burning but not because of the workout this time. 

“Dad?” Roman shook his pom-poms in Deceit’s face. “What’s the matt—Ah!”

Deceit grabbed hold of Roman’s wrists and tugged his son down. He let out a small “oof” when Roman landed with a cry on top of him. The weight made his muscles ache but Deceit didn’t let go of Roman. He jabbed his fingers into his son’s ribs, causing the boy to cry out with laughter. 

“Stohahahap!” 

“Huh?” Deceit asked, a cheeky grin on his lips. “I didn’t hear that?”

“Pleahahaha! Dahahad! Stohahahap!”

Despite his son’s cries, Deceit didn’t let up. He ran his fingers down Roman’s ribs and then grabbed his socked feet. A scream rattled the picture frames on the walls as Deceit’s fingers brushed against the arch of Roman’s foot. Still, Deceit didn’t let up until tears were building at the corners of Roman’s eyes and the boy was gasping around his giggles.

“Roman?! Roman?!” Logan stopped before he ran into the living room. His hair was a mess and his glasses were sitting lopsided on his nose. “What on Earth is going on?” 

Deceit glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 2:00 pm, the time Logan always settled down on the weekend for a nap. “Oops.”

“Lo! Lohahahan!” Roman yanked at Deceit’s hair as his dad blew raspberries against his belly. “Hahahelp mehehehe!”

Logan glared at his father, arms crossing. “Aren’t you overworking your muscles?” he asked.

Deceit grinned at his son. “Course not,” he lied. “This is all part of the therapy!”

“Oh?” Logan raised a brow. “How’s that?”

“Laughter is the best medicine,” Deceit answered and again he blew raspberries against Roman’s belly. As Roman’s screams shook the photos on the wall again, Deceit wiggled his legs as best he could. “See? Making progress already?”

A grin crept over Logan’s lips. “Oh, well would you like some help?” He rolled his shoulders and cracked his fingers. “I have knowledge of a particular spot Roman absolutely can’t stand.”

“Logan, don’t you dahahahaalp!”

Logan dug his fingers into the soft part of Roman’s thighs. The reaction was immediate, his body lurched in Deceit’s arms, his laughter becoming so loud his voice cracked. 

Deceit’s grin grew at the sound and he nodded at Logan, urging his oldest on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus: 
> 
> Patton: *after coming home from work* Hey, Honey, why is Roman’s face all red? Is he sick?   
> Deceit: Ah, he went a little too far helping me with my physical therapy today.   
> Patton: Aww! That’s my little cheerleader!


	20. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit + Cuddles + Dark Crystal

One cool night, Deceit was sprawled out across the sofa. His head was pressed against the arm-rest, a blanket tucked around his body. His hand was in Virgil’s hair, twisting the thick strands around his fingers until they curled. The rest of the boys were there too, of course. Remus sat quietly by Deceit’s feet. The boy was normally quite the chatterbox during movies. He always had to make some kind of comment or yell at the idiocy of the characters on-screen. Now that he couldn’t speak, Deceit noticed that instead of his mouth, Remus constantly moved his hands. Even now, Remus’ finger’s played with Deceit’s socked toes. As for Logan and Roman, both boys were perched on the floor. They had made a nest out of blankets and pillows. It was apparently a tradition of theirs on movie nights. Especially on the days when it was Virgil or Remus’ turn to pick the movie.  Logan preferred informative and history-based movies while Roman preferred Disney. In contrast, Virgil and Remus were both lovers of horror and dark themed movies. Since it was Virgil’s turn to pick the movie of the night, Logan and Roman had made their nest, prepared to scream into their mess of pillows.

After some hunting, Virgil found and clicked on the Dark Crystal movie. Roman instantly made the comment about Virgil being sick since he didn’t pick a scary movie. He quickly changed his tune, however, when the skeksis made their appearance on screen. 

“What is that?!”

Deceit chuckled and shook his head as Roman hid his face against Logan. 

“I believe the narrator called them Skeksis,” Logan said while wrapping his arms around Roman. 

Remus held up his notepad, the red crayon on it reading, “They look like dehydrated vultures...like jerky! Jerky vultures!” He grinned as both Logan and Roman shivered at the mental image.

“Shh!” Virgil hushed but he didn’t turn his gaze away from the screen. His eyes were wide, completely filled with wonder as he watched the puppets perform. 

Deceit muffled a chuckle behind his hand. The kids kept on bickering and as they did, Deceit's mind began to wander. He thought back to when Dark Crystal first came out in theaters. He was five years old at the time and, just like now, he was incredibly happy. It was a time before life started to tumble for his family. His mother's face was split by a genuine smile and his father's eyes were the kindest he had ever seen. Deceit sat between his parents, his top front teeth missing and his parents' hands in his. He remembered his eyes being glued to the screen just as Virgil’s was now. He remembered all the times the puppets made him jump out of his skin and how both his mom and dad squeezed his hand. They promised him he could sleep with them for the night and Deceit had but not because he was scared of the puppets. They made him jump but they also made him buzz with excitement. There was just something about the way the puppets moved that spoke deeply to him. There was so much life and emotion, it was impossible to look away. As Deceit looked around the room now at the mixed reactions popping off his kids, Deceit was happy to see the same thing happening to them too. 

* * *

They were over halfway through the movie when Patton came home from work. He peaked in on them, raising a brow at Deceit. “Dee the kids have school tomorrow and you have speech therapy you know?”

“We’re almost done,” Deceit whispered, his eyes glued to the TV. 

Patton briefly glanced around the room. Virgil was on the edge of the couch, as was Remus. Their eyes were wide, excitement bubbling off of them as they watched the characters on the TV. Unlike his brothers, Roman was covering his eyes. Logan was curled against him in their nest, his hand rubbing Roman’s back in slow circles.

Shaking his head, Patton took a seat on the couch. Deceit moved to make space for him, allowing Patton to curl up against him. Patton shivered as a skeksis walked on screen. “You know this is gonna give them nightmares?”

“I already promised Roman he could sleep in our bed,” Deceit reassured. He turned his head, pressing a kiss to Patton’s cheek. “How was work?”

Patton groaned, dropping his head against Deceit’s shoulder. “I’m sooo tired,” he said, wrapping his arms tight around Deceit’s middle. 

Deceit kissed him again. He moved his hand from Virgil’s hair and started to play with Patton’s. It was only a matter of seconds and Patton was asleep against his shoulder. It made Deceit smile and his eyes roamed over the kids. The movie was finally finished and they were all talking animatedly about the film. 

“I wish we had a Fizzgig!” Excitement flashed over Virgil’s eyes. “Dad, can we get a Fizzgig?”

Deceit blinked at his son. “By Fizzgig do you mean a dog or the puppet?”

“A dog would be preferable,” Logan commented.

“Virge, it’s got so many teeth!” Roman cried, he was still holding onto Logan with all his might. “And it’s...it’s so loud! And scary!”

Something tugged at Deceit’s toe and he glanced over to where his feet were propped on the couch. His eyes fell onto Remus. The boy had his notepad in hand again and was pointing at scribbled red crayon.

“You want a skeksis?” 

Remus bobbed his head, giving Deceit his widest and toothiest smile.

Deceit envisioned the state his kitchen would be in with a skeksis in his house. It made him shiver so badly he shook Patton awake.

“Wha…” Patton rubbed at his eyes. “Is the movie over?”

“Just ended.”

Patton sat up and waved a tired hand at the kids. “Okay, kiddos. It’s bedtime. You’ve got to go to school tomorrow you know.”

“I can still sleep with you, right?”

Again, Deceit felt Remus tug on his toe. He looked over at his son, watching as Remus pointed animatedly at himself. Deceit smiled. “Yes, you can too.”

“And me?”

“I’d like to join as well.”

Patton grinned up at Deceit. “Looks like we’ll have a full house tonight,” he hummed sleepily. He looked to the kids then. “Okay, go brush your teeth. Last one in bed only gets six goodnight kisses!”

The boys shot from their seats and raced down the hall. Deceit and Patton laughed as they listened to their thundering feet and the excited shouts. As the bathroom door slammed shut, silence engulfed the living room and Patton cuddled happily against Deceit again.

“You’re going to fall asleep.”

“Mmmm….”

“I can’t carry you.”

“Mmmf…” Patton buried his face against Deceit’s neck. “I don’t wanna move.”

Deceit chuckled. “Didn’t you say the last one in bed only gets six kisses tonight?”

Patton whined but finally pulled away from Deceit. He gave his husband a peck on the lips. “You’re mean, you know that?”

“You’re the one who made the rule.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil: *Starts petition for dads to get him a fizzgig*   
> Remus: *Starts petition for dads to get him a skeksis*   
> Roman: *screams internally* 
> 
> PS If you haven’t seen the original Dark Crystal or the new Netflix series I highly recommend you go watch both.


	21. The Good Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton bathes a "skunk".

~1982~

A five-year-old Patton clapped his hands against the bathwater. His dad had run it for him about a half-an-hour before bath time was actually supposed to begin. Patton had insisted. He was tired of playing with his toys and running around outside. He wanted to dive into the depths of his imagination and swim to some underwater wonderland. 

“How’s the water, buddy?” 

Patton looked up from the duck he was currently traveling the seven seas with. When he did, he found his father standing in the doorway. Despite the mugginess of the summer afternoon, he wore his favorite sweater around his shoulders. Sweat was beading at his brow too and Patton suddenly remembered his Pre-K teacher’s warnings about heatstroke.

“Daddy, come in!” Patton urged. “It’s nice in here!”

His father laughed. “I’m okay, Bud,” he reassured. “I’m thinking about eating the ice cream Ma hid in the freezer.” He winked. “Wanna come out and eat it with me?”

Patton hesitated. He loved ice cream but bath time was his favorite time of the day. The kids at school wanted to have a pool or go to the ocean but not Patton. He was happy enough with the deep soaking tub in his parents’ bathroom. It was as deep as any ocean and the rubber ducks provided him with the best company he could ask for. 

“I’m okay,” Patton said and he held up one of his ducks. “Mr. Bill and I are gonna go to Hawaii.”

His father laughed. “Well, okay then. I’ll save you a scoop.”

“Thank you!”

The door shut then and once again, Patton was alone with his bathtub of adventure. He stared down at his and Mr. Bill’s reflection. He envisioned himself a little older, his dad’s age. The old wool sweater was wrapped around his shoulders and his hair was getting lighter with age in some spots. There were wrinkles too but not from stress. They were laugh lines.

“I’m gonna be a good Dad like Daddy.” Patton grinned at Mr. Bill. “I’m gonna have a...a ton of kids and we’re gonna play and eat ice cream together aaaall the time.” His eyes widened suddenly and he squeezed Mr. Bill tight. “And baths!” he cheered. “We’re gonna have the best bathtimes ever!”

~2019~

Deceit rolled down the hallway in his wheelchair at the speed of light. Sweat beaded down his brow and his lungs strained against his ribs. He held his hands out in front of him, fingers spread wide. “Almost...almost…” he muttered under his breath. His fingers made contact, the cat catching the mouse. “Gotcha!” he yelled.

Remus squealed as Deceit lifted him off his feet. He kicked and waved his arms but no matter how hard he struggled, Deceit refused to let him go.

“Pat!” Deceit cried, voice-directed towards the stairs. “I caught the skunk!”

Patton rushed down the stairs. He held his hands out to his husband and stinky son. Remus fought when he saw Patton but Deceit’s muscles had grown stronger over the weeks and he could hold the boy easily in his arms. 

“Ugh!” Patton gagged as he took Remus from Deceit. He could feel the sweat and grime against Remus’ skin. “What did you roll in?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders and made grabby hands at Patton’s face. He smeared his sticky fingers down Patton’s cheeks, leaving sweaty tracks behind.

Deceit chuckled as he watched Patton’s face morph into disgust. “A l...little birdy told me Uncle R...Remy was telling the boys about mine and his d...dumpster diving days.”

Patton raised a brow at his husband, knowing for a fact that he meant Logan. Remy had been in charge of watching the kids while Patton and Deceit were out at another appointment. He had said the kids asked about when Patton and Deceit were kids. Who would’ve thought their pasts would’ve caused so much inspiration.

“I’ll get started on cleaning up Remus. You find Roman and Virgil.”

Deceit soluted his husband and ruffled Remus’s hair. “See ya, Skunk,” he said before wheeling away to search for his other two dumpster diving children with Logan.

Patton rolled his eyes as he heard the nickname. It was one Deceit had called Remus since the first time they met. Patton thought it was rude but Deceit said it was fitting. Unlike his brother, Remus’ hair had grey streaks mixed with the brown. Him smelling like a truckload of old socks only added to the comparison.

Remus batted at his hair, shaping it around until all the grey strands were clumped together. They formed a stripe down his bangs and the little boy grinned toothily up at Patton.

“Skunk,” Patton said.

Remus preened on hearing the nickname again. He never took offense to it. Even before the adoption, he loved and wore it as a badge. 

“You gonna sit still for a bath?”

Remus shook his head and started to struggle again. 

Patton sighed. “It was worth a shot.” He held Remus under his arm as he climbed up the stairs to the bathroom. The water was already drawn and bubbles clouded the water. Mr. Bill was already floating through the suds along with a small tug boat.

Remus screamed as Patton dropped him into the soapy water. He tried to drag himself out, clinging to Patton like a cat. It didn’t do him any good though. Unlike Remus, Patton loved baths and had no qualms getting soaked. 

As Remus sat in the tub, the water started to turn a murky, swamp green. Even the bubbles, once white and fluffy, looked like the bubbling slop one would find in a witch’s cauldron.

“Remy is in so much trouble,” Patton murmured. He pulled the plug on the bathwater, draining out the nasty water. He turned the faucet next, re-filling the tub with clean water. 

Remus pointed at himself and then crossed one arm over the other, creating an X. 

“No, not you,” Patton reassured. “You were just trying to be like Daddy and Uncle Remy, right?”

His son bobbed his head enthusiastically. 

“Did Remy say why they went dumpster diving?”

This time Remus shook his head.

Patton didn’t say anything more about it. It wasn’t his place to after all. He didn’t know Remy and Deceit back then. Nor did he know about the supposed “trouble” children of MP High. Patton was from another town. But even if they did go to the same school, Patton doubted he would know them. From what both men have told him, they were barely at school anyway. 

“Wasn’t my scene,” Deceit had said around their third date. “Well, not till drama club nabbed me that is.”

The story had made Patton cry when he first heard it. Even now, years later, Patton couldn’t help but tear up at the idea of Deceit and Remy feeling so outcasted in a place they should’ve been loved and accepted.

A wet hand gripped Patton’s hand. He looked down, seeing that Remus was looking worriedly up at him. Patton forced a smile and wiped the tear that had slipped from his eye. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I’m okay.”

Remus shook his head and handed Patton Mr. Bill. He smiled at the duck and then pointed at the water. 

“You want me to play?”

Remus bobbed his head. 

“I thought you didn’t like baths?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. When Patton didn’t make a move, Remus sent several splashes of water at him. The boy giggled as he soaked Patton’s T-shirt and began to aim at Patton’s shoes.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Patton laughed. He dove out of the way but Remus had still managed to soak his shoes. In retaliation, Patton reached into the tub, splashing Remus in the chest with a few of his own waves. 

Laughter filled the bathroom. Bathwater pooled against the tiles, soaking into Patton’s clothes and anything else on the floor. Patton didn’t care. He was gone, the child in him coming to life as he played with his son. He hung over the edge of the tub, scooping the water in his palms and sending it flying into the air like the whales he used to pretend to swim with. As Remus grabbed for the tugboat, Patton’s eyes dipped down into the mostly clean water. His eyes caught his reflection and the grin on his face grew. 

His dad’s old wool sweater was wrapped around his shoulders and his hair had gotten lighter with age. There were wrinkles on his face too but they weren’t from stress. Well, not all of them at least. They were laugh lines brought to life by his little skunk and the boys currently making their way up the steps to join them in some bathtime fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be something completely different but my brain wouldn’t shut up about how cute it would be if Deceit called Remus a skunk so I had to get it out of my system.


	22. Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accepting that his eye is gone is inevitable but that doesn't mean Dee is ready to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check the tags before reading in case of triggers!

“No! No! Not the banana!”

Roman threw the peel right into the road. Deceit smashed at the buttons of his controller but was still too slow. His bike spun out, crashing into the nearest wall. The screen shifted, throwing Roman up to first place and kicking Deceit down to fifth.

“Eat my dust, old man!” Roman leaned to the right with his controller, putting his full body into the game. His car moved with him around bananas and other traps. The finish line showed just up ahead. A few more seconds and he’d win yet again.

Deceit bit his controller as he, for the fifth time, lost to his son. 

Roman laughed at him and started to look through the other track options. He settled on rainbow road, rejoicing at the pained groan that erupted from his father.

“Again?” Deceit protested. “How about taking it easy on your “old man”?”

“Never.”

Roman changed some things in his car. Deceit didn’t bother. He had tried every combination imaginable. He didn’t see any difference in any of them. 

“Should I do this one or this one?” Roman asked.

On any other normal day, Deceit probably would’ve been able to answer his son. They’d stay on the couch and play to their heart's content until Logan came in wanting to watch a nature documentary. They’d give it up and cuddle on the couch with Logan until Remus and Virgil piled next to them, faces and hair speckled with mud after spending all day outside. It’s always normal days that fate seems to like ruining though. And again, she did so in the form of Patton’s voice.

“Dee?”

Patton was standing beside Remy. Car keys dangled from his hand. 

“You ready to go?”

Deceit swallowed hard. “I…” he trailed off as his voice shook.

A hand gripped Deceit’s and he looked down, his gaze falling onto a worried Roman. The boy had put his controller to the side, his attention fully on his father now. 

Deceit patted the boy’s head. “I’m okay, Ro,” he lied and he looked back up to Patton. He nodded once, not trusting his voice. What was about to happen was for the best but Deceit didn’t feel like that. He thought of the mirror in the bedroom as Patton started to help him from the couch and into his chair. He’d have to throw it out.

* * *

A nurse brought Deceit and Patton to a white-walled room when it was his turn to meet the doctor. She and Patton had helped him onto the examination table. It wasn’t too much of a hassle thankfully. Deceit’s leg muscles still couldn’t hold his weight but they had grown strong enough so he wasn’t as useless as a bag of flour. Once he was situated, the nurse left and Patton sat down in a plastic chair. They had only been waiting fifteen minutes when the panic in Deceit’s heart started to slip out. 

“P...Pat, I can’t do this.” Deceit squeezed his husband’s hand. “C...can't we reschedule?”

Patton sighed but squeezed Deceit’s hand back. “We’ve already pushed it back as far as we can,” he whispered. “Any longer and it could cause permanent damage.”

A soft, humorless chuckle eased past Deceit’s lips. “Permanent damage?” he asked. “What’s more permanent than losing an eye?” His chest started to rise and fall a little too quickly. His lungs straining against his ribs. “It’s not fair, Pat. Why couldn’t they save it? I want—”

“Shhh…” Patton stood up from his chair and dragged Deceit into his arms. He rubbed his husband’s back, hushing him as he continued to mutter and curse the world. “I’ve got you, Dee, just breathe.”

The breakdown wasn’t Deceit’s first. He has them all the time, usually whenever it gets brought up in conversation or when Patton needs to help Deceit clean the empty socket. The rest of the time, Deceit pretended there was nothing wrong. Dr. Picani had warned him not to do so but Deceit hadn’t listened. It was so much easier to believe that it was just a little damaged or that he’d be able to see in no time. Now, the truth was bubbling to the surface. Deceit was in his doctor’s office, bandages about to come off. There was no way he could lie to himself anymore and it was hitting him harder than the truck that did this to him.

Konk! Konk! Konk!

Patton raised his head as he heard the door knock. He wiped the tears from Deceit’s eyes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re going to be okay,” Patton promised. 

“Stay?” Deceit begged, hooking his and Patton’s fingers together. “Please?”

Patton kissed him again. “I promise,” he reassured.

The door clicked open and Deceit’s doctor walked in. “Good Morning!” she said and she smiled at Deceit as she looked him up and down. “You’re looking well, Mr. Sanders. Recovery seems to have become a good friend to you since we last met.”

Deceit forced a smile.

The Doctor checked her chart. “You’ve been doing speech, physical, and mental therapy, correct?”

“For the past couple weeks, yes.”

“And how are those working for you?”

“They’re fine,” Deceit answered. “I’m told I may be able to walk soon and my speech has…” He waved a hand at his mouth. “...clearly improved.”

The doctor chuckled. “Yes, I see that. Good for you, Mr. Sanders.”

“How are your visits with Dr. Picani? Are you finding the sessions helpful?” 

Deceit thought back to his last visit. Dr. Picani has brought up Deceit’s bandages of course, saying how it was odd that he hadn’t gone in for a prosthetic yet or had the bandages removed. 

“Would you like me to call someone at the hospital to sort that out faster?” Picani had asked. 

What happened next was the same thing that happened when Patton took off the bandages to clean the empty socket behind them. Deceit shrouded in on himself and covered his face as if that would keep others from bringing it up.

To say the reaction worried Dr. Picani was an understatement. The man spent almost the rest of their session just trying to calm Deceit down. 

“Mr. Sanders?”

“His sessions are good,” Deceit answered. 

The doctor raised a brow at him but Deceit didn’t go on. She nodded then and wrote something down on his chart. “Okay,” she said. “As you know, you’re a bit overdue on getting your eye checked out so I’m gonna look over the socket and surrounding tissue, send you down to get measurements for a temporary eye, and send you on your way.” She grinned at him. “I’m sure the waits been killing you.”

“S...sure.”

The doctor walked over to Deceit. She placed a hand on his face only to have Deceit recoil at her touch. “I won’t hurt you, Mr. Sanders,” she promised. 

“I k...know. It’s just...just…”

The doctor tipped her head to the side. “Have you looked at your face at all since we released you?”

Deceit shook his head.

“You’ve been cleaning it though, correct?”

“I’ve been handling it,” Patton reassured. 

“Okay.” The doctor held up her hands so Deceit could see them. “I’ll go slow, Mr. Sanders. I know this can come as a shock. We have all day if you need it.”

Deceit gave her a thankful smile. He tried not to flinch again when she touched him. He focused on the feeling of the bandages on his skin. Their weight became lighter and lighter until they were finally free from his face. The doctor prodded the healed area carefully, her fingertips dragging gently over what once had been bruised and bloodied skin.

“It’s healed up nicely,” the doctor reassured, sending Patton a reassuring smile. “You’ve done a good job keeping it clean.”

Guilt curled in Deceit’s stomach.

The doctor reached for a hand-held mirror. She kept it faced down as she slipped it into Deceit’s hands. “Whenever you’re ready,” she whispered. 

Deceit swallowed hard. He stared at the back of the mirror, its cool metal biting into his fingers. He tried to picture his face in his head, thinking that maybe then it wouldn’t be as bad. When he finally managed to create the most frightening picture he could in his mind, he let out the breath he’d been holding and flipped the mirror around. 

Silence filled the room as Deceit stared into the mirror. Deceit let his single eye take in the mess that was his left side. The tissue from his temple all the way to his jawline was raised and discolored from the rest of his skin. Worse of all was the empty hole where the match to Deceit’s right yellow-green eye should have been.

“Honey?” Patton called.

Deceit dragged his bottom lip between his teeth. He choked, a broken sound struggling its way up his throat. He bent forward, his entire body quaking as he cried against the mirror. 

The doctor took a step back and Patton quickly stood from his chair again. He wrapped his arms around Deceit, hushing him as he had earlier. There were tears in his eyes too now and they flowed down to spatter against the mirror.

* * *

For the rest of the appointment, Deceit was quiet. His doctor had him move down to the ocular prosthetics department for measurement and fitting of a temporary artificial eye. He let the doctor poke him, feeling numb to their ministrations. They showed both him and Patton how to properly put in the artificial eye and how to correctly clean it. When they were done, Deceit’s doctor talked about reconstructive surgery but Deceit barely listened. He kept thinking about his face and how unrecognizable he was. He envisioned the look on the kids’ faces. Would they be scared? Terrified even? Deceit couldn’t blame them.

“Dee?” Patton helped Deceit into his wheelchair. “It’s time to go home, honey.”

Deceit nodded, the movement sluggish.

“Do you need anything?”

Deceit shook his head.

Patton wheeled him out to the car then. Deceit felt panic rise up in his chest as he realized where he was but it died as he caught his reflection in the side mirror. He covered his face, new tears springing forth.

“Oh, Dee,” Patton whispered. 

“I hate it. I hate it!”

“Dee, please…”

“You can’t possibly be okay with this!” Deceit shoved Patton away. He dug his nails against the scarred tissue, creating angry red lines. “I look…” he choked. “I look…”

Patton slipped his palm under Deceit’s so the nails bit into his palm. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’ve said it in college, when we were dating, when we married, when we adopted our boys.” Patton’s voice wobbled and he too was crying again. “I’ll never stop saying it, Dee. How you look doesn’t change that.” He kissed the shaking hand atop of his own. “I promise you.”

Deceit fell forward, nearly toppling out of the car. He gripped Patton’s shirt, almost ripping it open. “What about the kids?” he croaked. “You can’t tell me that this won’t scare them.”

Patton hesitated. “We’ll get through it,” he reassured. He kissed Deceit again and then pulled away. He buckled Deceit up before closing the door and making his way towards the driver’s side. 

Deceit stifled a sob and thumped his head against the car window. He didn’t see how they could, not when he was...like this.


	23. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remy watches the kids while Patton and Dee are gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! Sorry for not posting the last two weeks. I had a Japanese midterm and that language is kicking my butt right now. It’s all good for now though so posting should go back to normal.

“The appointment is today.”

Fingers white-knuckled the phone.

“I’ll be right over.”

* * *

When Patton opened the door, Remy knew he was in for a rough day. Red crept into the whites of Patton’s eyes and heavy bags hung beneath. Remy wanted to hold him, steady him, ask him if he was alright. But he didn’t. Remy already knew Patton’s answer and he knew a hug from him was not the one Patton really needed. 

As if sensing Remy’s worry, Patton forced a smile that pinched at the corners too tightly. “I’m fine,” he said. 

God, Remy hated that phrase but if Patton wanted to pretend things were okay for a second, Remy could do that. 

“Patman!” Remy chimed as he went up the steps. He dropped a hand onto Patton’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. “So...how are things?”

“Dee’s playing video games with Roman.” Patton leaned against the still open door frame. Remy had no idea what Patton had been planning to say next but the words came out shuddered and incomprehensible. Despite wanting to pretend, Patton’s body had given up the front. 

“Pat?”

The mask shattered and Patton slumped even more against the doorframe. “I...think he’s in denial this is happening today.” His lip wobbled. “He’s been in such...good spirits.”

Remy closed his eyes, focusing on the noise from inside the house. He listened to Deceit and Roman’s voices. Though Deceit’s voice was muffled by the thick walls, Remy could hear the break in his words and the way some came out in a tight hiss. For years he had grown up with Deceit. They were partners in crime, terrorizers of the world. Remy had learned his friend’s tells over those years. Deceit had tried to hide them but when Remy’s eyes weren’t clouded by the late-night parties and whatnot, he could see right through his best friend. He’d seen plenty of Deceit’s lows but when Patton came along, Remy had believed that the new life they were building together would be enough to keep more from spawning. But then that damn truck had to run a red light and now everything was spiraling down once again. 

Gritting his teeth, Remy opened his eyes. He shook off his hatred for the driver as much as he could, knowing that emotion would do nothing to help Patton or Deceit at this moment. He took a moment to breathe and then looked back to Patton. “I could take him instead?” he offered. “So you can get some rest?”

Patton shook his head. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep,” he admitted. He smiled into Remy’s eyes though, genuine this time. “I trust you with the kids right now more than…” His eyes fell to his feet. “...more than myself.”

Again, Remy took Patton by the shoulders. “Babe, you’re doing good. You know that right?” When Patton didn’t look up at him, Remy kept going. “You’ve had your slip-ups but that’s okay. No one hates you for it. You’ve always put the kids first. Even now. You know the better choice is for them to be with me. That’s not you being a bad parent. That’s being a parent who cares.”

A tear trickled down Patton’s cheek. He looked up, his lip wobbling more than ever. “Th...thanks, Remy.”

Remy swiped the tear away. “Can I hug you?”

When Patton nodded, Remy pulled him into his arms. He could feel Patton’s tears against his neck but Remy didn’t mind. He stood quiet, swaying with the wind until he felt Patton’s heartbeat steady against his chest. 

“What time’s the appointment?” Remy asked once they pulled back from each other. 

“Noon.”

Remy nodded and walked into the house so Patton could close the door. “Better get him then.” He walked into the living room, his heart sinking as he watched Deceit and Roman on the couch. There were smiles on their faces but only Roman’s was real. Deceit’s was false, clouded by something darker as his thoughts beat at his brain. 

“Dee?”

And just like that, the fake smile fell. Fear washed over his face, turning it impossibly pale and his eye a sickly yellow-green. 

Remy dipped his head, looking down at his shoes. God, he hated that look.

* * *

Remy paced the kitchen once his two best friends drove away. He knew he should go into the living room and talk to the kids but he couldn’t right now. His blood was buzzing beneath his skin. He was drumming against his thighs, the counter— everything! He was drowning in a bubbling pot of restless and nervous energy that only bubbled worse as the clock on the wall ticked. 

“Uncle Remy?”

The man in question stopped his pacing. His fingers were still tapping away on the counter but they slowed as Remy’s focus changed to the teenager standing in the kitchen’s entryway. 

“Hey, LoganBerry,” Remy said. “Sorry. I’m just…”

“Worried about Dad?”

Remy rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, not subtle, am I?” he sighed. “Patton told you guys what was happening today, right?”

Logan bobbed his head. “I doubt the others think it’s as...serious as it really is.”

“Right.” Remy shook his head. “Should I talk to them about it?” he asked. “I don’t want them to freak. Deceit’s already…” He trailed off, remembering that he wasn’t talking to another adult. Logan was smart and acted more grown-up than most adults but that didn’t make him one. He was a kid and Remy wasn’t gonna dump his worries on him. Poor kid had enough of his own.

“Umm…” Logan shifted on his feet. “Maybe we should play it by ear?” he offered. 

“Yeah. Yeah, good idea, Lo.” Remy eyed the kid up and down. “You taking it okay?” He didn’t see anything different about the teen. His posture was as straight as ever and his clothes weren’t rumpled. He looked like he always did, unaffected. 

Logan nodded. “I’m…” 

Remy’s ears perked at the pause. He didn’t say anything though. He held his breath, quiet and still as he waited for Logan to go on. He felt like he was standing in front of a fawn. One wrong move and it would bolt.

Logan let out a deep breath. “I’ll be okay.” He smiled at Remy. “I can’t change anything that happened. I just have to...accept it. Get used to it.”

“You’re allowed to grieve too, LoganBerry.”

Logan shook his head. “It's not my eye.”

“No, but it’s your dad’s,” Remy pressed despite seeing the tell-tale signs of a fawn preparing to flee. “This is a big change.”

“I know.” 

Logan went silent then and Remy deemed the conversation over. The fawn had run away. 

Drumming his fingers against the counter one last time, Remy shoved himself towards the kitchen’s entryway. He steered Logan out of the kitchen, the two of them walking into the living room. The kids were all hanging out for now. Roman and Remus were playing video games and Virgil was working on a Harry Potter coloring book. 

“Do you think Daddy’s new eye will be like Moody’s?” Virgil asked as he turned the page of his book.

Remy flinched. “Yeah,” he thought. “I think we’re gonna need a talk.”

Roman huffed. “No way, Virge,” he said. “Dad would get laser eyes for sure.”

Logan glanced at Remy, rolling his eyes. Remy chuckled at the older boy and pressed a finger to his lips. Logan waved a hand at him and walked further into the room. He sat on the floor, scooping Virgil up and dropping him into his lap.

Remus's eyes widened suddenly and he grabbed the notepad balancing on the arm of the couch. He started to doodle, brows pinched in concentration. 

Remy walked over to him, sitting down on the couch and glancing over the boy’s shoulder. He barked out a laugh, nearly falling off his chair at the sight of the drawing. 

“What?” Roman asked and he peaked at Remus’ drawing too. His mouth fell open and he glared at his twin with all his might. “Re, that’s mean!”

The picture was of Roman and Deceit. Deceit had large eyes that glowed a bright green. They shot Roman, turning him into a plucked chicken of all things.

“I’m putting that one on the fridge,” Remy decided and he plucked the paper out of Remus’ hands. He folded it up carefully and placed it on his front pocket. He wasn’t sure if there was any more room on his fridge but he could manage something. 

Logan cleared his throat suddenly and Remy’s eyes shot to him. Logan gave him a pointed look, his eyes rolling to look at the younger boys.

Oh. 

The kids had given him the perfect opening.

“Sooo…” Remy rocked a little on the couch. “This new eye thing for Dad is pretty scary, huh?”

The boys stared at him. 

“Pop said it was gonna be okay,” Virgil said, his voice small.

“And it is!” Remy reassured. “I just think it might be...scary...for your dad.”

Roman laughed. “Why? He’s gonna have a new eye! That’s so cool!”

“Is it gonna hurt? Is that why it’s scary?” Virgil asked. 

Roman’s smile fell and he placed a hand over his chin. “Oh,” he said. “I didn’t think of that.”

As the kids went silent, Remy fought with his brain. He sorted through word after word, trying his hardest to come up with something to say. This conversation wasn’t going as planned and he had to do something quickly before he made the kids just as nervous as he was.

“My teacher said that prosthetic eyes don’t hurt.”

Remy’s gaze snapped to Logan. The boy was playing with Virgil’s hair, spinning the dark strands between his fingers like Deceit and Remy used to do with the propeller seeds from old maples. He sent a wink Remy’s direction when he noticed the adult staring and Remy mouthed back a silent, “thank you”.

“Oh, that’s good,” Roman said and he clapped his hands together. “Then there’s nothing to be scared of, right?”

“Do you only get scared when you might get hurt?” Logan asked.

Remy’s mouth fell as his brain jumped into gear. “LoganBerry’s right, Charming. You know, when I was little, I got scared when I left home for college.”

Roman frowned. “Why?”

“Well, I was leaving my family and was going to a place I didn’t really know.”

Virgil cuddled closer to Logan. “That is scary,” he agreed and Logan dropped a kiss to his hair. “I was...I was scared when I came here,” he admitted. “I...I thought you guys wouldn’t like me or I’d mess up.”

"Aw, Virge,” Roman said, his voice going soft. 

Virgil smiled at his brother. “It’s okay now. I know you guys love me and I love you too.”

Roman relaxed and bumped his shoulder against Remus’. “I guess we were pretty scared too when we were waiting for adoption, huh?”

Crayon thumped against Remus’ notepad. When he held up his finished drawing, everyone leaned in close to see. It was a picture of Remus and Roman. Remus was standing in the corner of the page with his hands reaching towards Roman. Roman was in the arms of two adults with a smile on his face. 

Once everyone had seen, Remus crossed the picture out with a large black X. 

Roman wrapped an arm around Remus, tugging his twin a little closer. “So Daddy’s scared? Kinda like we were?” he asked, his eyes falling onto Remy.

“I think so, Charming.”

“Can we do something?” Virgil asked.

“What did your dads do to help you not feel scared?”

The boys tipped their heads as they began to think. Remy watched them quietly, giving them a second to collect their thoughts.

“We used to live in an apartment before we moved here,” Logan offered, breaking the silence. “It was really small. Only one person could be in the kitchen and there was only one bed.”

Remy wrinkled his nose. He remembered Patton and Deceit first place together. It was a cheap studio apartment, the only thing they could afford once they got out of college. They had stayed there for three years with Logan. Remy really didn’t know how they had managed. 

“I was really scared of going to a new place,” Logan admitted. “This house was so big and empty I thought I’d get lost.”

Roman giggled. “That’s silly, Lo.”

“Maybe,” Logan agreed. “When we moved in, Dad put little signs everywhere in the house so I could always find my way.”

Remy filed that information away or later. Neither Patton nor Deceit had told him that little story before.

“Would hanging signs help Dad too?” Remus wrote on his notepad.

Logan shook his head. “No, but there was something else dad did. He showed me he cared. I think that’s what really made me feel better.” 

Roman opened his mouth again but the sound of a car door slamming silenced them. All heads popped up, eyes flying to the window where everyone could see Patton getting out of the car.

Remy glanced at the clock on the wall. They’d been talking for little over an hour. 

“They’re home!” Virgil cried excitedly.

The front door clicked open and the boys watched as Patton wheeled Deceit in. Their mouth fell as they took in their father’s unbandaged face but not in awe. Raised pink skin made Deceit’s left side almost unrecognizable. He was heavily scarred, more so than Remy or the boys had expected. The artificial eye was just as terrible. It was the wrong color for one but the glass seemed lifeless and lacked the life eyes should hold.

Remy frowned as he felt Roman cling to his arm. He was shaking and worry spiked in Remy’s heart.

“Hey, kids,” Deceit whispered, his voice hoarse. 

When nobody greeted him, Deceit’s already sad smile slipped. His shoulders shook beneath Patton’s hands and his skin started to pale.

The worry in Remy’s heart began to form into panic as he watched Deceit begin to collapse in on himself. He wanted to stand up and run to his friend’s aid but it wasn’t Remy Deceit needed right now. He needed his boys but by the way Roman was clinging, Remy had the feeling that wasn’t going to be possible today.

“Hey, Dad.”

Remy’s eyes shot up. He watched as Logan stood from the couch and walked over to his dad. The teen bent down, enveloping his father into a hug. Deceit closed his eyes as he held Logan and a tear curled down from his right eye.

Virgil and Remus watched Logan carefully. When he pulled away from their dad, seemingly unharmed, they gave each other a look and made their move. They walked over to Deceit, staring up at him curiously. When Deceit looked down at them, both boys pouted. 

Patton raised a brow at them. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“We thought Daddy was gonna get cool laser eyes!” Virgil said shamelessly. He pointed at Remus. “Re drew a picture and everything.”

Remus bobbed his head and scrambled over to Remy. He plucked the drawing from Remy’s pocket and then scurried back to Virgil’s side. He held the picture up for his dads to see and both men snorted. 

“Is that...is that Roman?”

“He’s a chicken!” Virgil said proudly and Remus’ grin grew. 

Deceit shook his head and held out a hand for the boys to take. They squeezed his hand with little hesitation and Deceit’s shoulders slumped with relief.

Roman tugged on Remy’s shirt then and Remy met the boy’s gaze. His eyes were wide and sparkled with fear. “Uncle Remy?” he asked. “Is that...is that really my dad?”

Remy’s heart broke. “Y...yeah, buddy. That’s him,” he whispered, praying that Deceit couldn’t hear the conversation.

“He...he looks different…”

“That doesn’t mean he’s any different on the inside,” Remy reassured. “You think you can go give him a hug? I think he needs one.” He leaned in a little closer. “Change is scary, remember?”

Roman swallowed hard, his eyes flicking back to his dad. Deceit was smiling now, laughing even. Logan, Virgil, and Remus were bickering amongst themselves whether laser eyes were practical or not. If it wasn’t for the scarring and wheelchair, the group would’ve looked just as they had before the accident ever happened. 

Again, Roman tugged on Remy. “Come with me?” he asked. 

“Course, Charming.”

Remy picked Roman up and carried the boy over to the others. Deceit looked up at them when they were near and gave Roman the gentlest smile he could manage.

“Hey, baby,” Deceit cooed and he held out his arms. 

Roman let himself be passed over without much coaxing. Once he was in Deceit’s lap, he stared up into Deceit’s face. His eyes mapped over the undamaged side and then the other. Without much thought, he reached out, his fingers bending to touch the raised skin. 

As the fingers grew too close, Deceit’s smile fell and a tremble ran through him. Roman pulled his hand back instantly, tears pin-pricking the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he choked. “Did I hurt you?”

“Oh, Ro…” Deceit hugged his son close. “No, baby. It’s just...it’s a big change.”

Roman sniffled hard and buried his face against Deceit’s chest. “That’s okay,” he reassured. “You...you and Pop always make change okay. We can make it okay for you too.”

Deceit sniffled and bent his body around Roman until he completely cocooned the boy with his body. He shuddered, a few sharp sobs bursting past his lips despite his attempts to hold them back.

Remy felt his own eyes start to well up and he flipped his sunglasses from the top of his head to the bridge of his nose. God, he hoped they could get through this. 


	24. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Pat aren't as okay as they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know why but this chapter was particularly hard to right. Almost tossed it.

All Virgil could feel was the icy bite of fall’s dawn when he opened his eyes. He was sitting in dew-covered grass. The water seeped into his clothes just as the wind blew through his hair. He looked around, his eyes quickly falling on someone standing just a few feet away. 

She was a lady dressed in white. She stood at the edge of a cliff, her eyes to the horizon. Her head was turned to the side but Virgil could still make out the smile on her lips. He watched her for a moment before slowly getting to his feet. He approached slowly, his feet impossibly quiet against the wet ground. The wind carried the familiar stink of cigarettes as Virgil grew closer and something bubbled in the pit of his stomach.

“Mama?”

The woman turned and Virgil’s mouth fell open, bottom lip trembling.

“Mama!”

Virgil ran forward but stopped mid-stride. The woman’s face began to sink and her hair fell to her feet in stringy heaps. Virgil stepped back, shaking his head as tears built at the corners of his eyes. When he rubbed the tears away, his mom was gone. In her place stood Deceit. 

“D...Daddy?” 

Deceit opened his arms and Virgil, with no hesitation, ran into them. He held his dad tight, freezing only when something warm started to coat his fingers. He pulled back his right hand, a panicked yelp ripping from his throat as it came away red. He looked back up at his dad, watching as Deceit's face drained of color until he looked just like he had on the hospital bed. 

“N...No…” Virgil stammered. “Not you too.” He grabbed Deceit’s face. “Not you—“

Virgil shot straight up, sweat beading down his brow. He looked around himself, realizing that the cliff was gone. He was in the living room, sprawled out across the couch with something warm pressed against his side. 

Looking down, Virgil found Deceit curled up against him. His face was lax with sleep and his breathing came out in even puffs. There was no blood and his face was pink instead of a deathly grey. 

Virgil breathed out a sigh of relief. He retraced his memories, remembering that he and Deceit had been watching old horror movies together. The others had all gone to bed early, worn-out from the day’s news about Deceit’s eye and face. 

Shaky fingers brushed over the scar. They felt the raised skin carefully, only stopping when Deceit groaned in his sleep. 

Virgil wipes his eyes, feeling them go wet again almost instantaneously. He didn’t know what to think about the scar or eye. He wanted to be thankful that it wasn’t something worse. He had seen what worse can be. It wasn’t something he thought he could go through again. Still, the sight of his dad like this still scared him. Deceit had promised Virgil a different life. Yet here the boy was. 

“Maybe I’m cursed,” Virgil mumbled to himself. 

A noise sounded from the kitchen. Virgil perked up, wondering if Logan was making late-night sweets. The teen had started doing it recently. Virgil had caught him a handful of times already. Remus had too. 

Crawling out from Deceit’s arms, Virgil pattered to the kitchen. 

* * *

Patton sat in his and Deceit’s bed. He had gone to bed hours ago but never really fell asleep. He listened to the whispers of the TV coming from downstairs. His fingers dragged lightly over the cold side of the bed. Deceit was just downstairs but for some reason, Patton’s brain didn’t think that. 

_ What if this is a dream? _

Tears pricked at the corner of Patton's eyes.

_ What if he’s still in the coma? In the car? _

Sob on the tip of his tongue, Patton threw the covers off of himself. He hurried out of his bedroom, rushing down the stairs and into the living room. It was dark, the light of the TV casting a cold glow against the couch. Curled on the cushions, Virgil was wrapped protectively in Deceit’s arms. They were sleeping soundly, completely unaware of the way Patton’s heart was clanging against his chest or the way his ears burned from his mind’s own whispers. 

Patton brushed his fingers through Deceit’s hair, pulling back the unruly bangs. The scars beneath were instantly revealed and something painful burned in Patton’s chest. His fingers touched the scars, shaking against the warm skin.

_ This isn’t real.  _

The burning in Patton’s chest dropped down to his stomach. Nausea followed and Patton bolted for the kitchen.

* * *

Virgil peaked into the kitchen but it wasn’t Logan who was making all the racket. Patton was there his fingers white-knuckling the counter as he held his head over the sink. Water was running and Virgil could smell something foul and sour. 

“Pop?”

Patton spun around, his eyes wide. “Virge!” he cried and he wiped bile from the corner of his mouth. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Woke up,” Virgil answered. “I had a dream.”

“A bad one?”

Virgil shrugged, his fingers fiddling with his hoodie. He heard Patton sigh then and looked up. Patton walked over to Virgil and knelt down beside him. Closer up, Virgil could see the dark circles around Patton’s eyes. Despite his obvious discomfort, Patton still managed to force a smile.

“It’s okay, baby,” Patton hushed and he dragged Virgil into his arms. “You don’t have to play tough.”

“I’m not—“

“I know for a fact you,” Patton argued. He ran his hand up and down Virgil’s back. “You and Logan.” Patton shook his head. “Don’t worry. He’s gonna get the same lecture.”

Virgil huffed and pushed Patton back. He looked at his dad in the eye while crossing his arms over his chest. “What about you?” he asked. 

“Me?”

“Your hurt too.”

When Patton simply blinked at him, Virgil reached out. He touched the dark bags under his father’s eyes and followed the stains left by Patton’s tears. 

Patton’s eyes softened, his bottom lip trembling ever so slightly at the careful touch. “I guess you’re right.” He sighed and nodded at the freezer. “There’s chocolate chip ice cream in there. How about we grab a couple of bowls and talk?”

Virgil bobbed his head in answer and Patton stood. He fixed them both up a bowl and the two sat on the counter as they nibbled quietly on their ice cream. 

“What did you dream about?”

Virgil looked at the reflection in his spoon. “Mama,” he answered. 

“Do you dream about her a lot?” Patton asked.

Virgil shook his head. “She was only in it for a little while,” he explained. “She got sick and turned into Daddy.”

Patton’s spoon paused just before reaching his lips.

“Then Daddy got sick.” Virgil’s ice cream bowl shook in his hands. “I...Daddy’s safe and I’m happy. I...I don’t care if he got a scar or a new eye but….” He sniffled. “I just got him. I don’t wanna lose him.”

Patton set his bowl to the side. He rubbed Virgil’s back, his fingers shaking. “I don’t want to lose him either. I...still feel like I’m dreaming sometimes,” he admitted. “I worry that I’m going to wake up and he’s still trapped in that car or in the hospital.” Tears fell down Patton’s cheeks and he pressed a hand to his stomach. “It makes me sick.”

As he listened to Patton speak, Virgil’s eyes steadily grew wider. The boy hadn’t expected to hear his dad say so much. Usually, Patton would just force a smile and say everything was going to be okay. Virgil’s mama had been the same way. “Grownup problems aren’t your problems,” she had said once. 

Virgil pokes at the ice cream in his bowl. “Did you tell Daddy?” he asked, not really knowing what else to say.

Patton shook his head. “He’s still healing,” Patton answered. “Me saying anything would make him worry.”

“So then I shouldn’t talk to him either?”

Patton’s eyes widened. “No! Honey, that’s not…” he trailed off and smiled. “Ha. You’re too smart for your own good. You know that?”

The corner of Virgil’s lip twitched. “Mama used to say that too.”

Patton sighed. “Okay,” he whispered. “How about this...we’ll both take some time to talk to him this week. Sound good? No more lying.”

Virgil held up his pinky. “No more lying.” 

The two focused back on their ice cream. They talked a little bit more about Deceit and their shared worries. Eventually, the subject changed and the two talked happily about anything and everything. By the time the clock on the oven flashed a bright 2:00 am, the uneasiness from before was gone.

Virgil yawned, rubbing at his eyes with his fists. “I’m tired,” he hummed and he leaned against Patton, his eyes slipping shut. 

Patton chuckled. “Okay,” he said softly. “Let’s go get your dad and we’ll go to bed together.”

“Okay.” 

* * *

Patton left the kitchen then, leaving his and Virgil’s dirty bowls on the table for later. When they entered the living room, Deceit was awake. He was sitting up on the couch, a blanket tucked around his shoulders. Patton stopped moving the second he saw his husband. He stood in the shadows of the dark living room, his heart sinking a little as he watched Deceit press at his face. His fingers were mapping out the raised tissue around his eyes. He even tapped at the glass of his eye, making a soft  _ cnk cnk  _ sound. When his nails started to tap a little too hard, Patton finally stepped forward, the floor creaking beneath his feet. 

Deceit’s head shot up when he heard the noise. He looked at Patton like a startled animal before quickly shifting his expression into a tight smile. Like Patton, he could easily force a smile on a good day. Today wasn’t a good day though and Patton could see right through it.

“Hey, Honey,” Patton said. “Did we wake you up? We were just having a midnight snack.”

Deceit shook his head. “You two going to bed?”

Virgil nodded and then tugged on Patton’s sleeve. “Can I stay the night with you? I don’t want another bad dream,” he admitted. 

Hurt washed over Deceit’s face at his son’s words. He raised a hand to his face, attempting to cover his eye. Noticing his father’s reaction, Virgil reached out, tugging the hand back down when he noticed the action. “No, not about that,” the boy reassured. 

“O...oh.” Deceit rubbed the back of his neck. “What...what was the dream, then?”

Virgil looked up at Patton. Receiving a reassuring nod from his father, he stammered out an explanation.“You...you remember what happened to my mama?” When Deceit nodded, Virgil continued. “I...I keep thinking that what happened to her almost happened to you.” Virgil looked down at the floor. “And then I start wondering if it still could.”

A look of understanding washed over Deceit’s face. “Oh, Buddy, I’m sorry.” He reached out, taking Virgil from Patton. He carded his fingers through Virgil’s hair and pressed light kisses to his cheeks.

“I’ve been having the same thoughts,” Patton admitted too. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just...you’re already going through so much.”

Deceit stared up at Patton, his face a mess of conflicting emotions. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before letting out a long sigh. “I appreciate you trying to protect me,” he told them, hugging Virgil a little tighter. “But I don’t want this, okay? I don’t want you hiding your feelings for my sake.” He forced a smile. “And...and I know that’s easier said than done but...can we try? I don’t think us walking on eggshells around each other will do me any good.”

“Then you promise to talk to us too?”

Deceit bothered his lip. “I can’t promise I’ll be good at it but I’ll try.” He pressed a kiss to Virgil’s cheek and then Patton’s. “Is that good enough for now?”

Virgil held up his pinky. “Promise?”

Patton held up his own pinky and Deceit followed. “Promise,” they answered. 


	25. Daydreams and Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee goes to the garden to cool down and has a talk with Logan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Blood, self-harm, and dysphoric dreams this chapter!

CRACK

Blood splattered into the sink, the dark red droplets a stark contrast against the white bowl. Deceit’s fist shook against the cool bite of the bathroom mirror. No matter the pain, Deceit’s focus wasn’t on his bleeding knuckles. His eyes were wide and focused on the just as wide-eyed Patton standing behind him. 

“D...Dee, did you just…” Patton stepped forward hesitantly, eyes watching as blood riveted down Deceit’s hand. “Oh...God, Dee, what did you do?”

Deceit pulled his hand away from the mirror, cradling it against his chest. He blinked at the cracked glass, shame burning his eyes and the back of his throat.

“Dee? Honey, can you hear me?”

A hand pressed against Deceit’s shoulder and he looked up into the mirror. When he did, his brow pinched into a frown. The spiderwebbed cracks were gone, as was the blood on his hand. He met Patton’s gaze through the mirror, no longer seeing fear. 

“What…” Deceit pressed a hand to his temple and shook his head. “Sorry.”

“Can you tell me what happened? You’ve been staring at your reflection for a while.” When Deceit didn’t answer, Patton sighed. “Honey, we talked about this, remember? I need you to talk to me. I know it’s hard but It’s the only way I can help.”

A rush of air left Deceit’s lungs. “I’m sorry.” Deceit said again and he slowly gave Patton the hand he had seen slick with blood. “I…I was daydreaming,” he admitted. “I broke the mirror.”

Patton inspected Deceit’s hand, sighing when he confirmed the event must have been in fact a daydream. There was no blood on Deceit’s hand, not even bruising.

“It’s okay, Dee,” Patton reassured and he rubbed fingers into Deceit’s hand. 

“Yeah, sure. Daydreaming about letting my anger out on our mirror is okay.”

“Dr. Picani said anger is a sign of healing.”

Deceit scoffed. “Something tells me busting my hand on bathroom mirrors wasn’t what he meant.” He winced as Patton pressed a kiss to his hand. “This isn’t...good.”

“Do you want me to call in and have your appointment rescheduled for earlier?” When Deceit nodded, Patton continued, “It was your reflection, right? That triggered this?”

“Kind of?” Deceit shrugged a shoulder. “I saw my face and just...I got so angry, you know? Not at it but like...fate? God? I don’t know…” Deceit ran his free hand through his hair. “I just kept thinking ‘why me?’ and it just...built up.”

Patton kissed Deceit’s hand again. “You know...it’s only been a few days. You’re allowed to be angry and grieve.”

“I can’t afford to, Pat.” He bobbed his head at the mirror and then shook his head. “What if this happened in front of the kids? Re still won’t talk, Virgil is having nightmares, Roman is scared of me…” He deflated. “I don’t want to hurt them.”

Patton let go of Deceit’s hand, this time dropping one of his kisses on Deceit’s cheek. “We’re going to be okay,” Patton reassured. “I’ll call Dr. Picani. You go and relax, okay? The garden always calms you down, yeah?”

“Okay.” Deceit kissed Pat back. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Patton shoved Deceit’s chair, wheeling him out of the bathroom. “Now go pick me some blueberries. I want to make blueberry cheesecake later.”

“Roger that.”

* * *

Deceit made his way to his garden, stopping short as he heard someone humming behind some plants. To his surprise, Logan was working quietly as he crouched down in the dirt. He was tying protective baggies over certain plants, exactly how Deceit had taught him. His brow was pinched with concentration as he worked and his tongue stuck out between his lips. A smile slipped over Deceit’s lips and he watched for a minute more, allowing his pride for his son to build until it was nearly overflowing.

“Frost on its way?” Deceit asked as he wheeled himself closer to Logan. 

Logan’s head shot up, a light blush creeping over his cheeks as he realized he’d been caught. “Uh...yeah. For the next couple of days,” he answered. “Sorry. I should’ve asked.”

Deceit shook his head. “It’s your garden too, Lo,” Deceit reminded. He carefully eased himself out of his chair and into the dirt with Logan. “Don’t you remember?”

A smile slipped over Logan’s lips. “I couldn’t even say tomato right back then.”

Deceit chuckled. “Yes, how did you say it? ‘Tamo’ I think.” 

Logan laughed and Deceit was reminded of the little boy he and Patton had brought home with them. He thought of sitting in his cramped studio apartment, Logan in his lap as they looked at pictures of gardens on Deceit’s computer. Logan had patted at the different plants, squealing their names with excitement. Deceit had laughed and promised to one day build Logan a garden full of ‘tamos’, ‘carots’, but not ‘peppas’ since those were too yucky. 

Deceit looked around now, his smile reaching his eyes as he took in the endless garden that now burst around him. Life was messy right now, but at least he and Logan had the garden. 

Father and son fell into a comfortable silence after a while. They wrapped up the plants and pulled any weeds that had begun to gather. Once in awhile, Deceit would make a joke which Logan reacted to with either a laugh or an eye roll. Slowly but surely, Deceit began to forget his worries and melt into the calm until a sudden cry brought him back. 

“Dee!”

Deceit jumped on hearing his name. He looked up from the plant he was wrapping, spotting Patton as he poked his head out from the house. 

“Here!” Deceit waved at his husband. “What’s up?”

“I rescheduled your appointment with Dr. Picani for Monday!”

“Thank you!”

Patton blew him a kiss and then closed the front door, disappearing back into the house.

“Reschedule?”

Deceit looked back to Logan. His son was eyeing him carefully, worry shining bright in the corner of his eyes. “I...um...haven’t been feeling the best. Figured seeing Dr. Picani a little early wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

“Oh.” Logan fiddled with the plant bag in his hands. “Do you...want to talk about it?”

Deceit opened his mouth to decline but stopped, hearing both Patton and Virgil’s voices from a few days ago in the back of his head. He had promised them he’d try talking more and, as hard as it was, he wasn’t about to just quit before even trying. 

“Had a nasty daydream this morning,” Deceit answered. “I thought it was real at first but it wasn’t and...it’s kind of...scary.”

“Oh,” Logan said again. “A dysphoric daydream?”

“A what now?”

“Dysphoric daydreams feature unpleasant emotions such as anxiety, guilt, fear of failure, and obsessive, hostile, and aggressive fantasies about oneself or others.” Logan fiddled with his glasses. “I uh...read about them in an article last night.”

“Huh. Did it say anything about why they happen?”

“They're usually associated with depressive symptoms, negative mood, and lower psychological well-being.”

“Ah.” Deceit slouched. “Yeah, sounds about right.” When Logan gave him a worried look, Deceit held up his hands. “I’m okay, Lo. Just...seems like it’s just one thing after another. You know?”

Logan nodded and shifted on his knees. “Uh, Dad?” he asked. “Can I hug you?”

Deceit laughed. “Of course, Bud.” He opened his arms. “You don’t have to ask.”

Logan smiled at Deceit before diving into his open arms. The hug pushed the air out of Deceit’s lungs but he didn’t complain. He just held his son quietly, drinking in the warmth that was building up inside him. “Thanks, Lo. I needed this,” he whispered. The second the words left his mouth, Logan sniffled and a frown pulled at Deceit’s brow. “Lo,” he whispered. “You okay, bud?”

“Yeah, just...glad to help.”

“You’re one of the best helpers I have.” Deceit pressed a kiss to Logan’s forehead. “Love you, Lo.”

“I Love you too.”


	26. Morning Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Deceit’s hard work is paying off. Someone feels a little left out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the creative twins: *throws me at my computer* Write!

Logan sat on the bleachers set up in his school’s gym, a tissue pressed to his bleeding nose. The kids on the gym floor were laughing and screaming as they played a round of dodgeball, America’s favorite game of physical education. Most kids would feel left out from all the fun but not Logan. Dodgeball was all fun and games until someone got hit in the face by one of the rubber missiles. That person always seemed to be him. Getting benched didn’t hurt his feelings though. Unlike some of the other kids in his class, he didn’t waste the class time playing on his phone or whispering gossip. He sat with his head hunched over his notebook, pen scribbling down the thoughts flowing through his mind. 

Dad’s Morning Workout

  1. Lower body stretches
  2. Upper body stretches
  3. Morning Walk



There was once far more to the list but as Patton said, “slow and steady wins the race!” Logan had agreed. Since Deceit started working on his physical exercises, Logan had become interested in helping his dad strengthen his body. He had talked extensively with his PE teacher about basic muscle exercises and tips on keeping muscle strain down. Logan was a hard worker in class but he never held much interest with PE like he did with his other classes. That had shifted though. He took extensive notes during class and talked to his teacher afterword about creating a daily workout routine. She’d edit his plans when they grew to be too extravagant or tough. 

“Feeling better, Sanders?” his PE teacher asked as she walked over to him. Her voice was slightly muffled and when Logan looked up, he realized it was because a whistle was in her mouth. 

“Yes, Mr. Val,” Logan answered.

Mrs. Val nodded at Logan’s notebook. “You wanna jump back into the game or work on that?”

“Do I have a choice?”

His teacher laughed. “Of course you do. I know you’re not slacking off.” She sat down next to him. “How’s the exorcise plan going? You’re dad managing it okay?” 

Logan slipped her the notebook. “I’ve cut it down a bit but Dad’s doing better. He hasn’t been using his wheelchair around the house lately.”

Mrs. Val’s eyes widened. “That’s great, kid! Tell him congrats from me, okay?” She patted him on the back. “You should be proud too. Your hard work is paying off.”

A light blush colored Logan’s cheeks and he stared back down at his notebook, pride burning in his chest. 

* * *

Roman sat on the bottom bunk of his and Remus’ bunk bed. In his hands was a plastic sword covered in bite marks. They were fairly fresh, made as he glared out the bedroom window. It was early in the morning when he woke up on hearing Logan and Deceit sneaking outside. The sun was just starting to wash the sky with pretty colors of pink and purple. Not even the birds had woken up. Despite this, Deceit and Logan looked wide awake. They sat in the dew-covered grass, doing several stretches. When they finished, Logan helped Deceit stand and led him around the yard with slow steps.

Roman’s teeth ground into his plastic sword for what felt like the hundredth time that morning as Deceit wobbled. Logan managed to steady him and Deceit reached out, ruffling Logan’s hair and though Roman couldn’t hear what they were saying, he was sure Deceit was praising Roman’s big brother. 

Completely distracted by his dad and Logan, Roman didn’t notice the dark figure sneaking up behind him. A loud  _ clap  _ sounded by his ear and he jumped, nearly tumbling off his bed. He turned, focusing his glare at a smiling Remus. 

“Can’t you just tap me on the shoulder like a normal brother?”

Remus shook his head and then pointed at the window. Roman sighed but scooted over, letting Remus see. Remus raised a brow at his brother when he saw Deceit and Logan together. He looked back at Roman, pointed at him, mimicked Roman’s pouty face, and then raised his arms in a confused shrug.

“I helped dad with his exercises first.” Roman pouted. “Why didn’t they ask me to join?”

Remus rolled his eyes at his brother and pulled the pocket notebook from his pocket Dr. Picani had gifted him during their last session together. He drew a picture of what he hoped Roman would understand as him distancing himself from their dad. It seemed that he hit the nail on the head though since Roman let out a soft whine and flopped back against his bed. 

“I know! I just...ughhhh.” Roman covered his eyes. “I keep staring at his...his face. I don’t know why. I just...I can’t help it, okay? And Dad looks so sad when I do so…” Roman dragged his hands away from his eyes. “It...it’s better that I just stay away.” He sighed. “Logan’s probably better at helping dad anyway. I’d only...make dad feel bad.”

Remus rolled his eyes. He tugged on Roman’s hand, yanking his brother out of bed.

* * *

“You’re doing great, Dad,” Logan praised. “One more, okay?”

Deceit held Logan’s hands in his as they slowly walked across the front yard. “Only one?” he panted. “I could go for two more.”

Logan rolled his eyes but he helped Deceit do two more slow laps across the yard. He kept a close eye on him, making sure Deceit wasn’t straining himself too far. Just as they were about to finish the last lap, the sound of a door slamming open startled them both. Logan and Deceit looked up, their eyes falling on an irritated Roman as a smug-looking Remus dragged him over. 

“Uh?” Deceit looked between the twins. “What’s going on here?” 

Remus pulled out his pocket book again and drew a picture of Roman looking left out. Deceit chuckled when he saw the picture and knelt down with a little help from Logan so he was eye level with the twins. “Oh, Ro,” Deceit said softly. “I’m sorry, Buddy. I’m such a dummy. How can I exercise without my little cheerleader?”

Roman crossed his arms and looked away from Deceit with a huff. “Some cheerleader,” he said. 

Logan tipped his head. “Roman, what—”

Remus sighed dramatically and shoved his brother. When Roman glared at him, Remus pointed a finger at Deceit. 

“Fine, fine,” Roman huffed. He turned towards Deceit, forcing himself to look up at his dad’s face. When his eyes went right to the fake eye he dipped his head again, his cheeks burning with shame. “S...sorry,” he stammered. 

“For what, Ro?”

“I...I keep staring.”

“Oh.” Deceit raised a hand, his fingers brushing over the raised skin around his eye. He sighed heavily, shaking his head. “Is that why you’ve been distant?”

“It’s mean to stare,” Roman answered. “But...but I can’t stop. I just...I don’t want to be mean.”

“Oh, Ro.” Deceit plucked Roman off his feet and pulled him into a hug. His arms shook as his muscles struggled with the sudden weight but Logan reached out to give some extra support. Deceit cast him a thankful smile before focusing Roman again. “Thank you for being honest with me, honey. That was very brave of you.”

“Who cares. I’m still a mean person.”

“You’re not, Ro,” Deceit reassured and he started carding his fingers through Roman’s hair. “I won’t lie to you, I don’t like being stared at but I know you aren’t doing it to put me down, honey.”

“Dad’s right. Staring is normal, especially for children,” Logan explained. “It’s a social behavior usually born out of curiosity.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And you’re not the only one that stares. We’ve all done it. I um...catch myself sometimes too.”

“But it still makes you feel bad, Dad,” Roman pouted against Dee’s shoulder, still hiding his face. “I don’t want to do that.”

Logan knelt down and pressed a hand to Roman’s back. “Staring can be difficult to stop but there are things that can be done, Roman. Talking about our differences is probably the best way. The more we talk about something, the more comfortable we become towards it.”

Deceit’s eyes widened as he listened to Logan. He thought back to his conversation with Patton and Virgil not too long ago and shook his head. “Logan’s right,” he said and he pressed a kiss to the top of Roman’s head. “I know I haven’t been the easiest person to talk to lately but...I’m trying to do better. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me, Roman. Especially about my...um...my eye or anything else.”

Roman raised his head from Deceit’s shoulder, looking up into his Dad’s eyes. He bothered at his lip. “C...can we start over?” he asked. 

Deceit kissed his cheek. “Sure thing, Ro.” He set Roman down on the ground again. “Now, how about you and Remus go get Patton’s pom-poms? I feel like doing another lap.”

Logan glared at Deceit. “Dad, you’ll strain your muscles.”

Deceit ignored him and waved at Roman and Remus to run along. The boys grinned up at him and bolted back towards the house, hand in hand. As they disappeared behind the door, Roman pulled Remus into a tight hug. “Thanks, bro,” he whispered and Remus hugged back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you all hanging for like...what is it? A month? Yikes. I’ve finished my finals so now this story (and others) will have my full attention again. Yay! Next week will be a “holiday” chapter so keep your eyes open for that! Happy holidays!


	27. To Another Year!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole family spends New Years together.

Deceit sat on his and Patton’s bed, a hand over his mouth as he stifled a chuckle. Patton was standing in front of the mirror in a bright green sweater and sweatpants. On his face was a giant orange beak Roman had helped him make out of paper mache. To Deceit’s eye, Patton looked like a giant green duck. He’d never say that to his husband’s face though. Patton had worked hard on his “kappa” costume. He even went to the store for cucumbers of all things to really get into character. He and the boys had recently gotten into anime (something Dr. Picani was 100% responsible for) and the cute little kappas had stolen Patton’s heart. 

Patton adjusted his beak. “How do I look?” he asked.

“Adorable,” Deceit answered and Patton spun around, facing him with one of his smiles. 

“What...” Patton looked Deceit up and down, a small frown crawling over his face. “What are you dressed as?” 

Deceit looked down at himself. His clothes were split in half. One one side, he wore a doctor’s outfit. On the other, he wore a victorian coat and jacket that was terribly worn. He thought the costume was self-explanatory. Though, he was talking to Patton of all people. He always did stay far away from the horror section of costume stores. “I’m Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Isn’t it fitting?” Deceit ignored the way Patton eyed the left side of his face. He barked out a laugh, stopping immediately as Patton seemed to shrink in on himself. “Pat.” Deceit reached out, grabbing Patton’s hand. “It’s okay,” he reassured, and he pulled Patton to his lap, pressing a kiss to his husband’s cheek. “I’m okay.” 

“Liar,” Patton whispered. 

Deceit sighed and waved at his left eye. “It’s been better since I ditched the temporary prosthetic.” It was true. Looking in the mirror was hard enough when his face was covered in scars but the temporary prosthetic only added to Deceit’s comfortability. It fit fine but it wasn’t the right color and just screamed WRONG every time Deceit looked in the mirror. His current eye made looking at himself a little better. It was very close to matching Deceit’s original eye color. It even had a bit of shine to it so it didn’t look dead. It wasn’t perfect and Deceit certainly wasn’t okay about the whole thing but he did feel at least a little bit more at peace.

“Dee?”

Deceit shook himself and smiled up into his husband’s face. “Sorry. I’m okay. I’m trying to…” Deceit tilted his head as he tried thinking of the right words. “...be more accepting of myself now.”

“By making self-deprecating jokes?”

Deceit shrugged. “Baby steps, right? If I laugh about it, maybe it’ll help build my confidence?” He shrugged again. “Works for comedians.”

Patton frowned. “You’re not just doing it to...hide your feelings, right?” He pressed his forehead against Deceit’s. “We talked about this.”

“I know.” Deceit closed his eyes. “And I promise I’ll talk more about what’s going on in my head.” He chuckled. “I have to. You and I both know Virgil will call me out on it.” 

Patton chuckled. “Speaking of,” he pressed a kiss to Deceit’s scarred cheek.”We should go get the kids. Almost trick or treat.”

* * *

Of all the things Deceit thought he’d see Remus wearing for their Halloween themed New Year’s party, it was not the slightly bent red hat currently on his head. 

“Remus?” Patton gave his son an uneasy smile. “What...what you wearing, Kiddo?”

“He’s a gnome,” Logan explained. He was dressed as a gargoyle and sitting on the living room couch with Remus in his lap. 

“A gno...why?”

Logan nodded at the TV. “He watched Goosebumps with Virgil the other night.” 

“Well, if anyone was gonna make those things scarier than they already are, It was going to be you.” Deceit gave Remus a high-five. “Great job, Re!” He nodded at Logan next. “You too, Lo. The costume looks great.”

A light blush colored Logan’s cheeks at the praise.

Virgil stumbled into the living room then, Roman’s hand in his. When Deceit spotted them, it took everything in him to keep from bursting out with laughter. Virgil was covered in painted cardboard and Roman was dressed as a little girl.

“Is that a TV, Virge?” Patton asked.

The boy nodded and poked at the static image on his belly. “I’m a Pol-gist.”

“Poltergeist,” Logan corrected.

“And I’m the little girl from the Po-guest movie,” Roman said proudly.

“Poltergeist,” Logan corrected again.

When a knock sounded from the front door, Patton rushed off to let in their guests. Deceit, in the meantime, turned on the TV and popped in his and the kids’ favorite holiday movie, Nightmare Before Christmas. 

“Oh my gosh! I love this movie!”

Deceit jumped, nearly losing his footing. Logan reached out for him on reflex but Deceit managed to right himself on his own. Still, he gave his son a thankful smile before looking to the guests now piling into the living room. The one who had screeched was none other than Dr. Picani. The doctor was dressed in a Stitch onesie, one Deceit knew Patton would be ordering on Amazon by the end of the night. 

Deceit held out a hand, shaking his doctor’s hand as he said, “Dr. Picani, thanks for coming.”

Dr. Picani beamed. “Please, call me Emile. I’m not a doctor today. Just a friend.” He waved at Deceit’s legs then. “And look at you! You're standing!”

“All thanks to my cheerleaders,” Deceit said, winking at the kids beaming on the couch. “I’m fine around the house but still pretty wobbly. Patton’s been looking into canes for me.” 

“Well, I’m happy for you.” Dr. Picani turned to the kids then, throwing his hands up as Remus charged him happily. 

Deceit watched as Dr. Picani ruffled his son’s hair for a moment before feeling someone’s hand on his shoulder. He turned again, rolling his eyes as he came face to face with his best friend. “What on Earth are you?” he asked. 

“I’m the boogieman!” Remy cried and he struck a pose. “I had to improvise since you and Pat said going as energy pills was too much.”

“And we stand by that statement.”

Patton started handing out several glasses filled with champagne. Even the kids got a glass, though instead of champagne, their glasses were filled with grape soda. 

“To the 2010s!” Dr. Picani said as he raised his glass to the others. 

“The 2010s!”

Everyone downed their drinks and Patton was quick to refill. By then, Jack Skellington was running across the TV screen, twirling in the snow as he sang one of the kids’ favorite songs. Virgil and Remus danced around in front of the TV, Dr. Picani between them as they danced around. Deceit filmed them on his phone, making a mental note to update his Facebook with it later.

Someone tapped Deceit's shoulder and he turned to see that Remy was the one trying to get his attention. When he asked what was up, Remy pointed a finger at Patton. “What the hell is your husband supposed to be?”

“Uh...you know anything about Japanese culture?”

“I know about their tea. That’s about it.”

Deceit sighed. “Of course.” 

As Deceit filled Remy in on the creature behind Patton’s costume, the others remained glued to the TV. Roman and Logan pointed out obvious flaws in the movie, Dr. Picani excitedly joining in. 

When the movie ended, Patton changed the channel to one of the various stations that were showing footage of the ball dropping in New York. 

“Who do you think cleans up the street after the party?” Virgil asked. 

Patton refilled his champagne and sat down between Remy and Deceit. “Oh, I’m sure someone does, kiddo,” he reassured. 

Remy snickered into his champagne. “Or the trash just gets pounded into dust by the taxis,” he said. 

While Patton elbowed him in the ribs, Deceit took control of the remote and turned up the volume. “The countdown’s starting,” he said. “Everyone ready?”

The kids held up their kazoos and poppers in answer and Deceit gave them a thumbs up in return. Everyone’s eyes went back to the TV then and they followed along with the countdown. 

“3, 2, 1—Happy New Year!”

Everyone blew their kazoos and pulled their poppers. Patton and Deceit crowded into each other's space as they kissed, welcoming the new year as most couples do. Both Dr. Picani and Remy whistled at them, earning an eye roll from both fathers. 

“We want kisses too!” Virgil yelled and he crawled into Patton’s lap. He was instantly attacked by his fathers as they scattered his face with kisses. Once he was reduced to unstoppable giggles, Patton got off the couch and made his rounds. 

“Aww,” Dr. Picani cooed. “This is the sweetest New Year party I’ve been to.”

“Course it is,” Deceit chuckled as he released a giggling Roman after tormenting him with kisses.

“Oh, Dee!” Remy disappeared from the living room, reappearing with a box covered in bows and yellow wrapping. “A little something from all of us.”

Deceit’s eyes widened as Remy dropped the gift into his lap. “Wha...what?” He looked at the smiling faces surrounding him. “Why?”

“Just a little something to say how thankful we are to have another year with you,” Patton explained.

“And hopefully many more,” Logan continued. 

Deceit’s chest burst with warmth and he gave his family a soft, “thank you” before focusing on his gift. He unwrapped it, revealing a long cardboard box underneath the yellow paper. He tore off the tape then and popped open the box, his breath catching in his throat as he peeked inside. 

It was a cane made of dark wood. A snake was carved into it, it’s body curling around the shaft. The head of the snake was the cane’s handle and it stared up at Deceit with bright green eyes made of some kind of stone. It looked extra and expensive enough to be worth at least two of Deceit’s paychecks.

“I...I…” Deceit ran his fingers over the scales of the snake. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“Mmm...how about “thanks, guys, I love it” or “OMG, it’s so pretty” or…” 

Deceit rolled his eyes at Remy and opened his arms. “Come here.” He wiggles his fingers. “All of you.”

Everyone piled on top of him and Deceit did his best to hug them all as tight as he could. “I love you guys,” he said. 

“That works too,” Remy chuckled and Deceit smacked him playfully on the head.


	28. Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit gets a phone call.

Deceit sat at the kitchen table. He was the only one home for once. The holiday break had ended so the kids were all back in school and Patton was at his part-time job. House to himself, Deceit spent most of the day getting chores done and was now enjoying a quiet break with a cup of coffee. 

Tick, tick, tick, the clock on the wall chirped. It was the shape of a cat, its tail acting as a pendulum. He and Virgil had found it at a garage sale not long after Deceit received his cane for the New Year. He had loved walking down the road with his boys, stopping at garage after garage until their arms were stuffed full of trinkets.

He smiled as the cat’s tail swished. Oh, how he had missed the good old days he had walked with the boys in his arms or upon his shoulders. He was so glad things were finally on their way to returning to those good old days.

A sharp ring suddenly rushed through the house. Deceit pulled his phone from his pocket but froze when he saw the caller ID. The words WORK glared up at him in bright white letters. Deceit only hesitated for a second before finally answering with a shaky, “Deceit Sanders speaking.”

“Hello, Mr. Sanders, this is Bill Drill? From the main office? I’m just calling to check in on your recovery.”

“Oh. Bill. I’m doing much better,” Deceit confirmed. 

“Wonderful. Have you talked to your doctors about when you may return to work?”

Deceit closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had. A few weeks ago, both his physical therapist and Dr. Picani had cleared him for returning to work. His job wasn’t physically straining so there was no risk of him physically injuring himself despite his muscles still being a tad weak. His job was a tad mentally draining but Dr. Picani had assured Deceit that he would be alright. So yes, according to his doctor, Deceit was ready to return to work whenever. Deceit, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure.

“I’m clear to return whenever,” Deceit answered honestly, despite every fiber of his being telling him to lie. “I...um...there are scars.”

“You won’t be asked to come back full time of course. And if anyone gives you any problems we will take action, Mr. Sanders. I assure you.”

“I...thank you.”

“Of course. I’ll send you an email about your return to the company. Take care, Mr. Sanders.”

“You too, Bill.”

When he hung up, Deceit let his head fall against the table. He groaned into the hardwood, cursing adulthood and everything it entailed. As much as he enjoyed being a stay at home dad, he knew it wasn’t something that could continue, not with so many mouths to feed and bills to pay. Patton was working harder than ever to keep up with it all but they were falling behind. If Deceit postponed returning to work any longer, they’d fall just that much farther back. 

“Dee! I’m home!”

Deceit lifted his head from the table just as Patton walked into the kitchen. Patton’s smile fell as he saw the tired look in his husband’s eyes and he pulled up a chair. “You okay, honey?”

“Work called.”

“Oh.” Patton reached across the table, threading their fingers together. “So, you’re going back soon?”

“They’re sending me an email with the details but yeah.”

“And how are you feeling about that?”

Deceit shrugged a shoulder. “Awkward I guess. I haven’t been there forever and I haven’t been in contact with any of my coworkers.” He waved a hand at his face. “Don’t know how ready I am to get stared at all day.”

Patton squeezed his hand. “If it gets too hard just call me,” he said. A smile slipped over his lips. “Or, we can do what we did when you went to work for the first time after we adopted Logan?”

“Haha. I still have the little bear on my desk,” Deceit chuckled. 

The bear he was talking about had a small recorder inside of it. Every time he squeezed it, the bear would say, “Love you, daddy!” in baby Logan’s voice. 

“About time we got you one with everyone’s voices, hmm?” Patton pulled his car keys from his pocket and held a hand out towards Deceit. “What do you say? Let’s go get one? And some lunch maybe?”

Deceit took Patton’s hand, kissing it before letting Patton pull him to his feet. Patton giggled and led him out of the house for a little shopping spree and lunch date.

* * *

“So how do you think the kids will take it?”

Deceit stared at the newly purchased bear in his lap. He tried to envision the kids’ faces in its glass eyes but his imagination was too fuzzy to really create anything after the two glasses of wine he had during lunch. 

Deceit shrugged a shoulder and looked up at his husband. “Okay,” he guessed. “It’s not that big of a deal, right? I’m not planning on driving or anything. An Uber is taking me there and back.” 

Cars were one of the few things Deceit still struggled with since the accident. He didn’t freak out as bad as he used to whenever he stepped foot in a car but he still struggled to keep focused when in one. He and Patton had gone driving a few times together in their rental but Deceit still had a long way until he trusted himself to drive to work and back again like the old days. 

Patton chuckled in response and he focused on the road ahead. “Ah, I meant how you thought they’d take you not being the one home with them but…” he shrugged a shoulder. “That’s valid too.”

Deceit shook his head. “They’ll be okay. A little sad maybe. They’ll be happy for you to be back though.”

Patton poked drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. “Me too,” he said with a small smile. “Not gonna lie. As much as I like my job, I’ve missed being a stay at home dad.” He pulled into the driveway of their home. “I’m...glad things are going back to the way they were.”

“Me too,” Deceit admitted. “But...I definitely didn’t miss my old work hours.” He sighed and shook his head. “How on earth am I going to sit at a desk all day after spending so long-running around with those kids?”

“Running around? That's one way to call it,” Patton said kindly. He kissed Deceit’s cheek. “It’ll be fine, love. We’ll make do. As always.”

Deceit kissed Patton back, squeezing the teddy bear that'd soon be sitting on his desk. 


	29. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After months of standing still, a member of the family moves forward.

Remus sat on his bed. He was staring into his notebook. The picture that held his attention was a picture of Deceit next to a crushed car. Broken sodas surrounded him, their sugary insides mixing with red crayon. It was a picture Remus had drawn a lot since he stopped talking. Sometimes he drew it during appointments with Dr. Picani but most of the time, Remus drew it because it was all he could do when he woke up in the middle of the night with sweat beading down his brow and a silent scream hanging at the back of his throat. Roman always crawled into bed with him on these nights but not before giving Remus a piece of paper so he could release the pictures in his head onto paper. It was a suggestion Dr. Picani had given him after their third session. Remus was supposed to rip the drawing up once he was finished with it and he did, but most of the time he stuffed them under his pillow, unable to fully let go. 

A tear fell from Remus’ eye as he stared at the picture and he hastily wiped it away. He slammed his notebook shut, sighing until his body flopped over on the bed like a wilted balloon. He grabbed a blanket and threw it over his head, wishing that he could just spend the rest of the day in bed. 

“Remus!” Patton called suddenly from downstairs. “Time to get up!”

Remus cursed the world before crawling out of bed and running downstairs. He followed the sound of loud chatter and laughter into the kitchen. There he found his family as loud and energetic as usual. Deceit was standing beside Patton, laughing as he watched Logan and Roman fight over what to put in Deceit’s lunch box. Logan was holding an assortment of healthy snacks while Roman held an entire box of bright pink sno ball cakes. Virgil was attempting to mediate between them, though the other two were far louder than him so his voice was easily muffled by their dominating voices. 

A small smile quirked at the corners of Remus’ lips and he walked over to Virgil, taking his baby brother’s hand. Virgil gave his hand a thankful squeeze. “I don’t understand why Daddy can’t have healthy food and sno balls,” Virgil sighed. 

Remus crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue before pointing at Logan and Roman, hoping his message came out correctly. It must have since Virgil started giggling. 

“Okay, okay, kids,” Patton called over the shouting. He took both Logan and Roman’s snack and stuffed them into Deceit’s lunchbox. “As Virgil said, your dad can handle a little bit of everything.”

Deceit chuckled and took the box from Patton. “Thanks, you two, but I probably will be back home for lunch. I’m not working full hours yet.”

“You never know,” Roman argued. “Maybe the toy sales are really good and you gotta stay longer. That  _ always  _ happens.”

“Roman’s right, Dad. You have to be prepared for anything.”

Deceit rolled his eyes but gave both boys an encouraging pat on the head. He looked at the watch on his wrist then and sighed. “Well, I better get going. Don’t want to be late.” 

Patton kissed his cheek. “I know you still feel queasy about cars. You sure you’re okay?”

“I called an uber, remember?” Deceit said. “I’ll be fine.”

Remus bit his lip as he listened, his heart beating a little faster in his chest. He thought of the pictures in his bedroom and how the car looked like the cans of soda he used to crush beneath his feet. He tried to remember if Logan had ever said anything about the safety rates of Ubers but all he could think about was the comment made before Virgil was even adopted. They had been watching shark movies while they waited for Deceit to come home from work and Logan had made the comment that people were more likely to die from a car or plane crash than they were to get attacked by a shark. Remus couldn’t help but wonder which was more painful, dissolving in the belly of a shark or being crushed by metal?

As Remus’s mind reeled, Deceit bid his goodbyes. He opened his arms to the kids, everyone piling on top of him, kissing his cheeks, and hugging him as tight as they could. Remus managed to shake his thoughts enough to join in without anyone noticing his discomfort. They were all smiles and Remus didn’t understand. Why was everyone so calm?  _ How  _ were they so calm? The closer Deceit grew to the door, the more his heart thundered in his chest. He wanted to take his dad’s hand and drag him back to bed where they could laze away the cool Monday morning in the safety of a pile of warm pillows and blankets. This was something he couldn’t achieve though. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t force out the words he needed to say. They clung to his throat, digging into the flesh until he felt like he swallowed a bottle of needles.

With one last kiss to everyone’s cheek, Deceit was walking out the door and towards his patiently waiting Uber. Remus and the others stood out on the front step, waving goodbye. 

Roman took Remus’ hand at some point, giving his hand an extra hard squeeze as he noticed the worry in his twin’s eyes. His hand did little to calm Remus’ heart though. As Deceit’s hand reached for the Uber’s door, all Remus could see was the picture in his notebook. 

“Remus?”

The boy in question ignored his twin’s worried call. A broken sob burst from his lips and he lurched forward, nearly tumbling down the steps. Roman and Patton tried to grab him but Remus shook off their hands. He ran towards Deceit, his fingers reaching desperately. As panic flared in Remus’ chest, he opened his mouth. “Daddy!” the boy called and Deceit spun around, eyes wide as he watched his once silent son running at him full tilt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	30. Don't Stop For Sodas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a request and Deceit has a breakdown.

“Daddy!”

Deceit fell to his knees as Remus ran. He opened his arms, beckoning his son to jump into them. “R...Remus, did you just…” he trailed off as Remus threw himself into Deceit's arms. The boy stared up at his dad, eyes red and snot running down his face. Remus opened his mouth but only a strangled sob managed to crawl its way out. The boy flinched at the terrible sound and covered his face with his hands, looking more defeated than Deceit had ever seen him.

“Hey, hey,” Deceit hushed and he cocooned himself around his son. “What’s going on?” 

Another strangled noise was Deceit's answer and he looked helplessly at Patton who was now running towards them. The others stayed back, giving the two fathers and Remus some room.

“Baby,” Patton cooed as he knelt down on the driveway. “Baby, come here. Daddy has to go to work.”

Remus furiously shook his head and Deceit felt nails dig into his clothes. 

The Uber driver chose that moment to peek his head out the window, an irritated frown on his brow. “There a problem?” he asked. 

Deceit cast a glare at the driver. “There will be if you don’t mind your own business,” he hissed. 

The driver rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything more so Deceit turned his attention was back onto his son. He rubbed Remus’ back, whispering to him in the gentlest voice he could muster. “I’m just going to be gone for a few hours,” he promised but it still did nothing to calm Remus down. “I’ll call home when I get to work and when I leave.”

Remus looked up at Deceit again. “D...D...D…” He coughed in a weak attempt to clear his voice. 

Patton and Deceit shared a quick look, fear and anticipation dancing between them. It had been ages since Remus even tried to speak to them but this wasn’t how they wanted things to go down. 

“Take it slow,” Patton hushed.

Remus ignored him and clutched Deceit's suit with what strength he could manage. “D...don’t...stop f ...for…s...sodas,” the little boy whimpered, his voice raspy and impossibly quiet. 

Patton frowned. “Sodas?” he asked. 

Unlike Patton, Deceit hadn’t forgotten the reason he had gone down the road he’d been hit. Tears poured down his cheeks and he thought of the sodas he had promised the kids the day of his accident. Remus had asked for a grape soda while his brothers requested various colors of Mountain Dew. They had been sitting in the back of the car before the crash and were in no doubt crushed on impact. Deceit hadn’t thought of the sodas till now. They seemed insignificant. He never realized what kind of impact that little request had on his boys and he hated himself for not thinking of it sooner. Was Remus the only one who felt guilty for asking for the sodas? Were the others suffering too? He looked up at his boys as they stared from the front steps as if they’d answer his thoughts.

Another whimper brought Deceit's attention back to Remus. He peppered Remus’ cheeks with kisses, not knowing what else to do. “I will,” he promised even though he knew better. “No sodas, no stopping for gas, I’m going straight to work and coming right back to you and your brothers. I  _ promise _ .”

Patton held his arms out to Remus again. “Come on, Baby,” he urged. “Let’s let Daddy go. It’s going to be okay.”

Remus looked between his dads. Hesitation and doubt ran rampant in his eyes. It pained Deceit to watch and he struggled to keep his gaze on his son. Remus, his little boy, was speaking for the first time in so long and he was so, so scared. Deceit wanted to call into work but he knew that wasn’t an option that would do them any good. Sure it would be a small comfort to stay now but what about tomorrow? Or the next day? If Deceit didn’t go today, would he ever?

To both his and Patton’s relief, Remus left Deceit's arms and crawled into Patton’s. Patton kissed Remus on the forehead and hugged him tightly. He pointed at the Uber then and Deceit nodded. He got up, dropping a kiss on Patton’s lips and Remus’ cheek before reluctantly taking his seat in the back of the Uber.

“All good?” the Uber asked. When Deceit shook his head, he asked, “You wanna cancel, man? That looked pretty serious.”

“He’ll be okay,” Deceit sighed and he watched as Patton carried Remus back to the house. His boys were surrounding them now, talking to Remus and hugging him with all their might. When he felt tears building in the corners of his eyes, he looked away from his family and down at his phone. He plunked in Dr. Picani’s number, with shaking fingers.

The phone rang once before Picani’s voice crackled on the other end, greeting Deceit with a cheerful,  _ “Goodmorning, Mr. Sanders. What can I help you with?” _

Deceit tilted his head back and watched as the Uber rolled out of his driveway. “I’m on my way to work,” he answered.

_ “Oh, that’s fantastic! Congratulations, Mr. Sanders. You should be very proud of…” _ Dr. Picani trailed off.  _ “Deceit, are you...are you crying?” _

Caught red-handed, Deceit dropped the hand that he had pressed to his mouth. He had tried to stifle the soft noises punching out of him but it was useless. 

_ “Deceit, are you alright?”  _

“I…” Deceit looked out the window, watching as the houses of his neighborhood transformed into the small city in which he worked. “It’s...Remus. He talked.”

_ “Oh.”  _

“He was so scared,” Deceit covered his eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want it to happen like this. I wanted him to talk when he’s ready. And I’m still leaving. I thought it was the right decision but...I don’t know anymore. I just...my chest feels so...so heavy. I...I...”

_ “Deceit, listen to me, okay? Breathe in for four seconds. Hold your breath for seven seconds. Now breathe out for eight seconds….” _

Deceit did as told. With each breath, the weight on his chest lessened, as did the tears rolling down his cheeks. 

_ “You’re doing good, Deceit. Keep going. I know you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing right now but please believe me when I say you aren’t. You coming home from work safe and sound will make an impact on both you and your family.” _

“But what if I don’t? What if another truck—”

_ “Hush. Just keep breathing. I know fate can be fickle. You’re right. There’s no telling what could happen. Another truck could hit you but there’s also the possibility that it won’t. I know it’s hard but you need to fight this fear, Deceit. It’ll be hard at first but it will get better. I mean...look at yourself now! You’re in a car, right? That used to be such a struggle for you. You’ve been getting better and you’ll get better fighting your other fears too.” _

Deceit wiped his eyes. “Y...yeah. You’re right.”

_ “Feeling better?” _

“A little.”

_ “Would you like me to call Patton? I can talk to Remus if you like? I have time before my next appointment.” _

“Please. And...could you maybe ask him about sodas?”

_ “Sodas? Um...of course. Anything else?” _

Deceit shook his head but then remembered he wasn’t sitting in Picani’s office. “That’s it. Thanks for...for calming me down.”

_ “No need to thank me. If you need to call me again today, please do. I’ll keep my phone close. We can talk about anything.” _

“Even office drama?”

_ “Especially office drama.” _

Deceit chuckled into his hand. “Okay,” he said. “It’s a promise. Talk to you later, Dr. P— Emile.”

_ “You too, Deceit. Good luck on your first day.” _

They hung up then and Deceit watched as the building of his workplace slowly came into view. He looked down at his phone and opened his notes. He typed BRING SODAS HOME, smiling at the bold letters. It was going to take time but he’d fight through the pains of the past with all his might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then he gets hit by ANOTHER TRUCK! MWHAHAHA!!! 
> 
> I 'm kidding. No more car crashes, I swear. Hope you guys like the chapter. Planing on the next couple chapters being focused on Remus speaking and Deceit getting used to being back at work. We'll see where my brain wants to go with it. My last semester of college is starting up this week so if I fall off the edge of the world for a while, that's why.


	31. Tear Them Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus talks on the phone with Dr. Picani.

_ They’re mad at me. They’re mad at me. They’re mad at me. They’re mad— _

“Remus, please come out.”

_ They’re mAd aT ME! THEY’RE MAD AT ME! THEY’RE MAD AT ME!! _

A hand wrapped around Remus’ wrist. He blinked, confused as he suddenly found himself in Patton’s arms instead of the space under his bed. He had run there the second Patton carried him into the house. No matter how hard his dad called him, Remus’ own thoughts just drowned him out. But now, as he stared up into Patton’s eyes, his thoughts were quiet, as if they were holding their breath.

That breath was let go as Patton pressed his forehead against Remus’. 

“God, Re, you scared me,” Patton whispered.

Remus’ bottom lip trembled and he wrapped his arms around Patton’s neck. He whimpered, not knowing how else to communicate. He felt terrible. He didn’t mean to create a scene or stress his dad out before work. He was just...so scared. What if Deceit stopped to get sodas after work? What if that white truck hit him again? Or maybe another truck! The possibilities were endless and they made Remus’ head hurt.

“Do you think I’m mad?” Patton asked, not pulling away from his son.

Remus whimpered again. 

Patton seemed to understand and held Remus tighter in his arms. 

“I’m not,” he whispered in Remus’s ear. “We’re not. Nobody’s mad, baby.”

More choked-off noises fumbled past Remus’s lips. He let himself be rocked in Patton’s arms. 

A buzzing noise sounded from Patton’s pocket and Remus watched as Patton pulled away to answer. Patton always had a grin on his face when he talked on the phone but right now his expression was tight. It sent worry burning through Remus’s heart and once again, his thoughts became loud.

_ Maybe it’s dad? _

_ Or the hospital! _

A hand pressed against Remus’s cheek and the boy looked up. Patton had turned the phone towards him now. On the screen was Dr. Picani. An infectious smile was on his face and he waved wildly at Remus with both hands.

Remus waved back, his eyes skimming up to look at Patton with confusion.

“Daddy called Dr. Picani to check up on you. Are you okay with talking to him right now?”

Remus nodded and Patton handed over the phone. Patton got up to leave but Remus grabbed his hand, pulling him back to the floor. Patton thankfully didn’t say anything. He took a seat on the floor, allowing his son to lean back against his chest. 

“Hey, Remus! How’s my favorite, Sanders doing?”

Remus wrapped his arms around himself and looked down at his lap.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling good. Would you like to talk to me about it?”

Remus nodded and Patton handed him his notepad. He spent a few minutes coloring a picture of himself surrounded by angry red thought bubbles while he watched Deceit drive away. When he was done, he showed Dr. Picani.

“Ah, those bad thoughts are bothering you, huh? Are dreams too? Your dad mentioned sodas.”

Remus nodded. He flipped through his notebook, showing Dr. Picani all the pictures of Deceit sitting in a crushed car. Several of them had broken bottles of soda shattered alongside Deceit.

“Have you tried doing what I suggested during our last session?”

Remus shook his head. He made a wide-eyed face, hoping Dr. Picani would understand.

Dr.Picani didn’t disappoint. 

“It’s okay to be scared, Remus. This is a big step and it’s okay to take your time. Like Uncle Iroh said— Hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.”

Remus arched a brow.

“I can tell you what to do but at the end of the day, it’s up to you to take the first step. I can’t force you.” Picani tipped his head. “Understand?”

A small smile curled the corners of Remus’s lips. He made to nod his head but stopped himself short. He looked up at Patton and then back down at the phone. He breathed a soft, “thank you.” to Dr. Picani. Speaking made his throat hurt and his heart jump around funny but the way Dr. Picani’s eyes lit up made all the bad feelings disappear. 

“You’re very welcome, Remus. I have another appointment soon so I have to let you go but please have your dads give me a call if you want to talk, okay?” 

Remus nodded. 

“Good. See you soon, kiddo.”

The call ended and Remus looked down at the notebook in his lap. He stared at one of the newer pictures of the accident. He put his hand over it, fingers shaking. Just then, Patton places his hand over Remus’s. 

“You don’t have to do it alone,” he reassured.

Remus scrunched his fingers, wrinkling the paper. His heart hammered in his chest but he didn’t stop. With Patton’s hand still on his, Remus ripped the paper from his notebook. He crushed it in his fist then and threw it as hard as he could at the bedroom wall.

A kiss was pressed to Remus’s cheek. 

“I’m proud of you, baby.” Patton whispered. 

Remus turned his head so he could bury it in his dad’s cheek. He felt pretty proud himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are cases of COVID-19 in my area but don't worry! My family and I are safe! Because of the virus, (like many others) my university is switching to online instruction for a few weeks. I'm hoping this means I'll get the chance to write for this fic more. We'll have to wait and see but fingers crossed!
> 
> Please take care of yourselves and DO NOT HOARD TOILET PAPER.


	32. Teddy Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit arrives at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Breaks down the door dressed in full graduation cap and gown* I’m back!

Deceit stood in the elevator of his workplace, watching tiredly as the numbers gradually went up. Elevator music chimed softly, playing the same jingle it always played when there wasn’t an excuse to blast Christmas or Halloween music through the too old speakers. Sighing, Deceit pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand not holding his bag. He hadn't even stepped into the office yet and he already felt the pains of an oncoming headache. 

The elevator doors opened up and Deceit walked into the hallway, taking a left and stepping into the main office of his division. He was stunned by cupcakes and finger sandwiches scattered across several tables between his coworkers’ desks. A sign hung from the ceiling, yelling, “Welcome Back, Mr. Sanders!” almost as loudly as his coworkers. 

Deceit scanned the small crowd, taking in their mixed reactions as they took in his appearance for the first time. Everyone was smiling, though Deceit could still read the shock or pity in their eyes. Still, he smiled back, pretending he hadn’t just cried himself hoarse or that his face was burning from the number of eyes on the left side of his face.

Bill Drill, the receptionist, was the first to step towards Deceit. He was a tall man, towering at least four inches above Deceit’s own head. His hair was long, falling down in heavy dreads to the middle of his waist when they weren’t up in a ponytail. 

“It’s good to have you back, Sir!” Bill said while shaking Deceit's hand enthusiastically. 

“Good to be back,” Deceit said back and he waved a hand at the tables of food. “You guys didn’t have to do this.”

Bill slapped Deceit’s shoulder lightly. 

“We know but we thought we’d do something nice.” He scratched his nose. “Especially before we give you the stack of paperwork that’s been building up.”

Dean’s shoulders slumped. 

“It’s not that big is it?” he dared ask.

“No one is as good at those papers as you, Sir.” Bill patted Deceit’s shoulder again. “But no. We cut down a good chunk of it before you got here.”

“Oh, thank god. I was ready to take a cupcake and leave.”

Laughter reverberated through the office and Deceit felt a little bit of his headache fade away. He moved to a table, setting his cane against the table and picking up a small pink-frosted cupcake for himself. 

Everyone broke up into little groups, chatting about whatever came to mind. Some came up to Deceit to welcome him back personally and others gave him hugs. 

“I’m liking the cane,” Steve, the office’s own personal Santa, said. 

Deceit gave his attention to the stout man, watching as Steve curled a finger through his curly white beard. 

“Your family get it for you?”

“Yep. Beats a wheelchair. Let me tell you.”

Steve laughed, his belly shaking. 

“I bet,” he said and he slapped his right leg. “This old knee of mine’s been giving me some trouble so I’ve been looking into a cane or two.”

Deceit hummed around a mouthful of cupcake. 

“I can ask Patton where he bought it,” he offered.

Another of Deceit’s co-workers, Linda, came over. She was one of the newer members of the office, a young lady with vibrant purple hair that constantly fell into her face.

“Happy to be back?” she asked.

“Yes and no,” Deceit admitted. “Gotta admit, I was enjoying being a stay-at-home dad.”

Steve chuckled. 

“Oh, I bet the kids loved it too.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Linda said while clapping her hands together. “How are the boys? Virgil fitting in well?”

Deceit brightened on the mention of his kids. He told them about what he and the boys had gotten up to in their time together, leaving out some of the more personal moments. Steve and Linda laughed with him and Deceit soaked in the human interaction.

Steve walked off to grab them some drinks at some point and another took his place. Deceit bristled as he came face to face with Mitchell, a man with long blond hair and broad shoulders. Out of everyone at the office, Mitchell was one of Deceit’s least favorite coworkers. He and Mitchell had known each other since college and though the past was the past, Mitchell never really stopped having an uncomfortable presence. 

“Have you heard anything about the driver who hit you?” Mitchell asked, effectively putting a hole through Deceit and Linda’s conversation. 

Deceit blinked.

“Um...no. Been kind of busy.” He took a bite of his cupcake again, finishing it off. “I forgot I wasn’t the only one in the wreck,” he thought to himself. 

“I read about it online,” Mitchell went on. “Apparently some old man didn’t see the stoplight.”

“O...oh.”

Linda’s nose wrinkled. 

“I hope they revoked his license,” she said.

Mitchell shook his head. 

“He was one of the people who died.”

The cupcake in Deceit’s mouth turned to ash. He struggled to swallow, nearly choking. 

Noticing Deceit coughing in the corner of his eye, Bill came over, nudging Deceit’s shoulder with his own. 

“You okay, Mr. Sanders?” Bill asked as Deceit coughed into one of his gloved hands. 

“Fine, fine,” Deceit lied. He glanced hesitantly in Mitchell’s direction and then back to Bill. “I think I better get started on that paperwork though. Promised the kids I’d be back for lunch.”

“Ah.” Bill winked. “Well give us a shout if you need anything.”

Deceit nodded and grabbed his cane. He said his goodbyes to Linda, purposely ignoring Mitchell as he walked to his office. It was towards the back, behind a door with his name printed on it in black lettering. 

By the time Deceit made it inside, his shoulders felt heavy. He plopped down into his chair, head falling in his hands. He focused on his breathing, trying to dislodge the social exhaustion that was now clinging to his limbs. He had been doing so well but Mitchell had really taken it out of him.

Ding!

Deceit glanced at his phone. A picture of Patton flashed across the screen and Deceit opened the message. A smile quirked at the corners of his lips. Remus was out in the garden with the rest of the boys, smiling as he held up a basket of blueberries. Beneath the picture was a small caption that said, “we’re A-okay!”

“Thank god,” Deceit breathed and he leaned back in his chair. He scanned his desk, eyes falling on the bear sitting on his desk. It was small and blue with a heart-shaped nose.

Deceit reached for the bear. He squeezed its belly, a small voice sending Deceit tumbling into memories of the past. 

* * *

“Love you, Daddy!”

Deceit pressed a hand to his chest. He was sitting in the living room of his and Patton’s apartment, a tiny two-bedroom that felt more like a studio apartment. Logan was in his lap, yelling into the microphone of a blue bear. 

“Good job, Lo-lo!” Patton praised. He was sitting on the floor in front of his son. He took the bear, replaying the message to make sure it sounded alright. When the recording didn’t pop or make any other odd noises, Patton closed the bear’s belly with an invisible zipper.

Logan’s attention quickly left the bear and he looked up at Deceit with big, round eyes.

“Daddy?”

Deceit ruffled Logan’s hair.

“What’s up, Lo?” he asked.

Logan pointed upward, a toothy grin splitting his face in two.

“The roof!”

Once again, Deceit pressed a hand to his chest. A strangled noise left his throat and Patton chuckled behind his hand, finding great amusement in his husband’s inability to handle their son’s cuteness.

“Daddy,” Logan called again, his attention returning. “Will Mr. Bear really help you not feel lonely?”

Deceit’s face softened.

“That’s right, Buddy,” he reassured.

“But can’t I come instead?”

“Daddy’s work is really boring, Lo,” Patton explained. “You wouldn’t like it.”

“But Mr. Bear does?”

“That’s right,” Deceit said. “He likes to do yucky stuff like paperwork.”

Logan wrinkled his nose and both of his fathers laughed.

Deceit wrapped his arms around Logan, hugging the boy close to his chest. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he reassured while dropping a kiss to the top of Logan’s head. “And when I get back…” he ran his fingers down Logan’s sides. “I’m bringing the tickle monster with me!”

Logan screeched a giggle, a noise their neighbors would be sure to complain about later. Deceit didn’t care though. He tickled his son, loving the little gasps and giggles that were thrown around the living room. Patton joined in at some point, helping Logan tackle Deceit and blow raspberries into his skin. The bear sat on the floor, yelling “I love you,” whenever it was accidentally kicked or rolled on.

* * *

Deceit chuckled as he came out of the memory and he reached for the bag he had brought along with him. Inside was a brown bear, one that was much larger than Deceit’s blue one. He held it in his hands, squeezing it gently. 

“Love you, Daaaaaad!” 

The father of four’s heart melted as he heard his boys’ voices ring through the bear’s belly. He clutched it close to his chest, breathing in the soft scent of home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot has happened since I last updated this fic—good and bad. I lost a job offer because of the virus and I have graduated from college. My university held the ceremony online (which will remain the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced for the rest of my life). Not the way I had hoped things would go but I believe that everything happens for a reason so I’m just rolling with the punches. I’m working on some original projects right now while also job hunting so I’m going to try to get myself back onto a regular posting schedule. Not sure what that schedule will be yet but I’ll let you know once I’ve figured something out. In the meantime, enjoy the new chapter!


	33. Making It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit goes home after work and makes a decision.

Deceit closed his laptop with one hand and shoved it into his bag. In his other hand, he held his phone to his ear. It was ringing, letting out a soft click as someone picked up on the other end.

_ “Hey, babe!”  _ Patton yelled on the other end. _ “What’s up?” _

Deceit smiled as he heard his husband’s voice. 

“Just letting you know I’m coming home,” he answered. 

_ “Okay, sounds good,”  _ Patton said.  _ “Be careful, alright?” _

Deceit hummed in acknowledgment, saying a quick, “love you” before hanging up again. He packed the last of his things up then, grabbed his cane, and stepped out of his office. Several eyes flicked towards him as he walked past his coworkers’ desks, several of them shouting a chipper, “Have a good day, Mr. Sanders!” before becoming absorbed in their work again.

Deceit raised a hand to his coworkers, giving his own call goodbye before slipping away down the hall and to the awaiting elevator. There was a skip to his step, quite the difference to this morning. As brain-aching as his work was, he had missed it dearly. Numbers were easy, a nice change of pace for the difficulty he’s faced in the last few months. 

The elevator carried Deceit down to the lower levels. Outside was Deceit’s Uber. She gave him a wave as he walked over and Deceit dropped into the backseat of her car, letting out a long, tired sigh. 

“Long day?” his driver asked as she glanced at him through her mirror.

“Can say that again,” Deceit answered and his gaze traveled to the window as the car pulled into the street. He bounced in his seat as the car hit a small pothole and Deceit grit his teeth. He forced his attention to the people walking by on the sidewalks, hoping to distract himself from stinging fears and memories. 

There was one small family of three that caught Deceit’s attention when his uber stopped at a stop sign. The youngest of the group was carrying a small bag of sodas. They and the rest of their family were alight with mirth as they chatted back and forth. 

“Don’t stop for sodas,” he remembered Remus saying earlier in the day. The memory of his little boy crying made Deceit’s heart squeeze. The poor boy was so worried about repeating the accident and guilty for asking for the sweet drink he believed was part of the reason for his father’s accident. 

At that moment, Deceit’s phone buzzed. He peeked down at it, finding a reminder blinking across the screen. The words “BRING SODAS HOME” yelled up at him and the conversation he had with Dr. Picani before he created the reminder came back to him in a refreshing, cool wave. 

“I promised I’d come right home,” Deceit thought to himself. “But…”

Taking a deep breath, Deceit met the driver’s gaze through the mirror. 

“Oh,” he said. “Do you mind if we stop at the gas station that’s on the way?”

His driver nodded. 

“Sure. What ya need?”

“Sodas.”

“You got it.” 

Deceit stared out the window again, watching as the small family disappeared into the distance. 

The closer the uber grew to the place of Deceit’s accident, the more anxious he became. Before, whenever the uber hit a bump, he’d simply feel his heart race. Now, he absently picked at the skin around his nails, flinching when cars grew too close, his nails biting into his picked-at skin. 

“You alright?” the driver asked. “I can slow down?”

Deceit shook his head. 

“I’m alright. 

The driver raised a brow at him but didn’t say anything more. They rode on in silence until they came to the stoplights right before the gas station, the same lights Deceit had nearly died at. 

“The same lights someone else died at,” he realized, remembering what Mitchell had told him earlier in the day. 

Deceit pressed a hand to his chest. His heart was pumping hard, shaking him from the inside out. His breathing was also coming out harder, faster than it had before. 

“No, no, no,” he thought to himself and he forced his face against the window, the glass’ cold touch biting against his skin. “You’re okay, just breathe.” He forced himself to look at the street he’d soon be crossing. There were no cars, no white trucks. 

The light turned green and Deceit held his breath. He waited, but nothing happened. His Uber drove forward, stopping only once they pulled into the gas station. 

“I made it,” Deceit breathed and he closed his eyes.

“Want me to run in and get those sodas for you?”

Deceit’s eyes snapped open. His driver had turned in her seat to look at him. 

“It’s no problem,” she reassured. “I needed some smokes anyway.”

A smile curled at Deceit’s lips. 

“That’d be great. Thank you.”

The driver nodded and left the car. Once she was gone, Deceit tipped his head back and yelled, letting out the pent up anxiety that had been rattling him from the inside out. His throat hurt by the time he finished but the weight in his chest and shoulders was mostly gone. 

Deceit looked through the car window, eyes glued to the stoplight. He let out a heavy breath.

“I made it.”

* * *

Uber paid for and sodas in hand, Deceit made his way to the front door of his home. He opened the door, nose wrinkling at the sudden sent of glue. Homemade windchimes hung from the ceiling of his hallway. They were paper stars and flowers, each covered in at least three inches of glitter. Paper dolls hung across the walls, each one representing a member of Deceit’s family.

“Craft day,” Deceit realized. The last one had been on the day of Deceit’s accident. The kids had wanted to surprise him with all their newly made decorations but he never did get the chance to see them.

Deceit set the bag of sodas he had brought down by his feet along with his cane. He held his hands over his mouth, shouting, “I’m home!” at the top of his lungs.

The sound of heavy feet sounded down the steps and Deceit was instantly surrounded by his four sons. 

“How was work?” Logan asked

Roman yanked on deceit’s pants leg.

“Did you miss us?” he asked. “Did the teddy work?”

Virgil shoved past his brothers, holding a small, glittery card. 

“I made you this,” he said and Deceit happily took the card.

The inside had a picture of the house and Deceit’s garden. Everyone floated in the sky above it, wiggly smiles on their faces. There was even a snake, the same one Virgil had found in the garden. 

“Oh, Virgil this is beautiful.” Deceit shared his smile with the rest of his boys. “All of this. You kids are so talented.”

Patton chose that moment to walk into the hallway then. His hands were covered in glue and there was glitter in his hair. He pushed his way through his excited children, arms wide open as he approached his husband. 

“Hey, now. Let your dad breathe,” he said and he wrapped his arms around Deceit, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Welcome back. In case you didn’t notice, we missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Deceit said and he kissed Patton back. 

When they let go of each other, Deceit glanced back at his boys. They were still standing close, anxiously fiddling with their clothes, hair, or nails. The only still one was Remus. The boy stood slightly behind Roman, big eyes staring curiously at the plastic bag by Deceit’s feet.

“Oh, that’s right,” Deceit thought to himself. He bent down, picking up the bag that held Remus’ attention. 

“Got you kids something,” Deceit said while handing the bag to Logan.

Excitement bloomed in the boys’ eyes and Logan dug into the bag. The boys’ mouths dropped slightly as Logan handed them each a soda, their exact orders from that terrible day from months ago. 

“D...Dad, what?” Logan stammered. “Are these…”

“They’re hope,” Deceit interrupted and he knelt down so he was at Remus, Roman, and Virgil’s height. 

“I know I can’t promise nothing will happen to me when I leave home. But I’m back today. I’m safe. I’m here.”

Tears rolled down Remus’ cheeks first and the boy threw his arms around Deceit. The cold of his soda bit into Deceit’s neck but the father of four didn’t pull away. He held tight, smile growing as Roman and Virgil held him next. Logan let them be for a moment before dropping down as well to join in on the hug. 

“Love you, Dad,” Logan whispered.

“Love you, Daaaad!” the others parroted, lighting up Deceit’s heart just as his teddy bear had earlier in the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Fam! I posted a prequel to this series! It’s titled Love is Dangerous and follows Dee, Pat, and Remy during their college years.


	34. What Winnie the Pooh Teaches Us About Putting Ourselves First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton, Deceit, and Remus go to therapy.

Five weeks went by. Patton would wake up in the morning with Deceit curled against his side, his work alarm blaring in the background. While Deceit got dressed for work, Patton wandered downstairs, starting up the stove as he prepared a stack of pancakes. Logan would hurry downstairs with Remus and Roman in his arms and Virgil perched precariously atop his shoulders. The boys would eat their breakfast and Deceit would join them, wolfing down his breakfast before pressing a kiss to everyone’s cheek. He’d run off to his Uber, calling a while later to let them all know he made it to work safely. After that, Patton would take his kids to school and either go home or to the local animal shelter he volunteered at.

Rinse and repeat, the routine barely faltered. Sure, there were days when Deceit struggled to wake up in the morning due to an ugly nightmare he had during the night. There were times too when Remus would panic the second Deceit reached for the door. And then there were days when Patton was so tired from work and other stresses he would ask Logan to handle dinner or help his brothers with homework. Either way, those bad days were becoming less often and far between.

Today was slightly different. It was a Friday and Patton woke up of his own accord instead of Deceit’s work alarm. His husband was curled against his chest, breath coming out as small puffs against his neck. Patton stroked his fingers lazily through Deceit’s hair, pressing kisses on every patch of skin he could reach until Deceit blinked up lazily with his single eye. He pressed a sleepy kiss to Patton’s lips, head flopping back into the pillow.

Patton laughed. 

“Well, good morning to you too.”

“Sleepy.”

Patton’s fingers rubbed circles into Deceit’s back. 

“Babe?” he kissed Deceit’s hair. “You gotta get up. We have an early appointment, remember?”

Deceit rolled over, pouting up at his husband to no avail. Patton simply crawled on top of him, fingers digging into his ribs and yanking a broken cackle out of his husband. Deceit withered and cried, screeching for mercy as Patton tickled him to tears. The boys must have heard his wails because, in the neck minute, Roman and Remus were jumping on the bed, Logan and Virgil right behind them.

“Tickle fight!” Roman cried and he latched onto Deceit’s back as Deceit tried to get up and run away. 

Despite his physical therapy, Deceit’s body still wasn’t as strong as it used to be. He easily fell back against the bed under his son’s weight and Remus took full advantage. The boy blew a raspberry against Deceit’s stomach, making his father screech and kick out his legs.

Logan sat on Deceit’s legs, effectively pinning them down while his younger brothers tickled their dad to tears.

Patton sat back, watching cheerfully as happy tears spilled down Deceit’s cheek.

“Pahahahat!” Deceit cried. “Hehehehelp mehehehehe!”

“No can do, honey,” Patton hummed. “I have breakfast to make.”

And with that, Patton got up, leaving his husband alone with their children. 

* * *

Thanks to their rambunctious morning, Deceit, Patton, and Remus were in high spirits as they sat in Dr. Picani’s waiting room. Logan and Thomas were watching Roman and Virgil back home, spending the day tending to Deceit’s garden and playing video games. 

After doing his usual opening, Dr. Picani poked his head through his now open doorway.

“The doctor will see you now,” he said happily and Patton scooped Remus up, carrying the boy into the office, Deceit right behind him. 

“So,” Dr. Picani began as everyone took a seat. “How are we doing?”

Dr. Picani’s gaze focused on Deceit first and the father shifted slightly in his seat. 

“My anxieties are still kind of high.” He held up his hands. “I’ve been taking it out on my fingers mostly.”

“Perfectly normal response.” Dr. Picani wrote something in his notebook. “I’m sure we can come up with some better ways to help distract and reduce your anxiety though.”

Deceit sighed, relieved.

“Chewing gum or fidget toys might be of interest to you. I’ll make sure to send a list home with you so you can look into them and pick what you would like.”

Deceit lit up then, seeming so much lighter as he smiled at Dr. Picani. 

“Sounds good,” he said.

“Any issues with nightmares or anything else?”

“The nightmares are less frequent. I still freak from loud noises but that’s been getting better too.”

“Glad to hear it. Since you’re having a pretty steady recovery with those I suggest we don’t change your mental exercises at the moment. Is that alright with you?”

Deceit nodded.

The two discussed Deceit’s mental and physical exercises, the same ones the two of them had come up with together when Deceit first started therapy. Rhythmic exercise was Deceit’s favorite. The exercises allow him to focus on his body and how it feels to move, helping him burn off adrenaline, release endorphins, and several other things Patton couldn’t really remember. Deceit would go swimming, walk, or even dance. He did the exercises on his own for the most part but he let the kids join in sometimes, their enthusiasm helping him feel more engaged in whatever exercise he decided to do for the day. He also had daily breathing exercises where he simply sat in the center of their bed and listened to jazz while taking 60 breaths. 

Patton was amazed to see the difference in Deceit since the exercises. Deceit was still scared of cars but he could get in them without scratching his skin too deep or tearing his lip open with his teeth. Sure the skin around his nails was pretty cracked but it was better than the ugly red lines Patton used to put sab on after every car ride. Deceit still had his low days but he had become much more positive with his recovery.

“Okay, Remus,” Dr. Picani said once he finished with Deceit. “How are you doing?”

Remus opened his notebook, tearing out one of the pictures of Deceit trapped in his car. He held it up, crumpling it before tossing it into the nearest waste bin. 

Dr. Picani clapped and both of Remus’ fathers followed his example.

“Well, done, Remus! I’m so proud of you.”

Remus beamed. 

“So I know you spoke recently despite being ready to.”

Remus nodded.

“And you felt like a burden again afterword, right?”

Again, Remus nodded.

“That’s okay, Remus. Self-love is a slow process. You should feel proud of how far you’ve come.” Dr. Picani scribbled something in his notebook. “How have you been doing in practicing self-love before your dad started work?”

Remus drew a picture of himself, his dads, and his siblings. The picture was of them playing and talking to each other. 

“Good. Good. Talking and spending time together is a great way to help you feel more loved and not like a burden.” 

Patton winced. It still upset him that Remus felt that way about himself. After the therapy session where Dr. Picani compared Remus to a character from Fruits Basket, Patton sat down and watched the episode of the anime, bawling his eyes out until the very end. The thought of Remus feeling as alone as Kisa did scared him to no end. 

“I know you speaking before you were ready feels like a setback but this isn’t over. We can still keep moving forward. I want you to keep spending time with your family, alright?” He looked at Patton and Deceit. “I’d like you both to spend some more time with him one-on-one as well. I know you both are very physical with your affections already but I’d like you to boost that a bit more too if you can. The increased physical reassurance will help him feel your affection more. We need to be careful with it though as it may be too overwhelming for him or for the both of you.”

Deceit and Patton nodded, each making a mental note in the back of their heads. 

Remus tapped on Dr. Picani’s desk then and all eyes traveled to the boy. He drew a picture, showing it to Dr. Picani with a hopeful glint in his eye.

Dr. Picani smiled. 

“Oh, you’d like to learn ASL?”

Remus bobbed his head.

“Where did you learn about that, hmm?”

Remus drew a picture of Logan.

“Ah, of course. Well, I think learning ASL is a great idea, Remus. I’ll email your parents some people they can get in contact with, okay?  Learning ASL would actually be a good bonding experience for all of you. Not to mention its a great skill to learn.”

“We’ll look into it,” Patton confirmed. 

Dr. Picani talked a little bit more about ASL with Remus, showing him some of the simpler signs to give him a general idea of what to expect. Once he finished, Dr. Picani’s eyes met Patton’s expectantly.

Patton blinked. 

“What?”

Dr. Picani smiled. 

“This session doesn’t only have to be about Deceit and Remus,” the doctor explained. “If you need to, you can speak here, Patton.”

Patton held up his hands. 

“Oh? Me? I’m fine.”

Both Dr. Picani and Deceit raised a brow at him.

“I mean...I’m not, but my problems aren’t nearly as bad as—”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Dr. Picani interrupted. “The differences in your circumstances does not mean your problems are not valid. Your comfort is just as important as your husband’s and your sons’.”

“But—”

“Have you seen Winnie the Pooh?”

Patton blinked.

“Um...of course—”

“Well, Eeyore constantly says that his feelings or problems are not worth acknowledging, especially if his friends have something going on at the time.”

“Are you...saying I’m Eeyore?”

Deceit rubbed Patton’s back.

“I said you weren’t Pooh,” Deceit said, trying to lighten the mood.

Remus jumped out of his chair, picking up the Eeyore stuffy sitting on Dr. Picani’s bookshelf. He walked back to his fathers then, crawling into Patton’s lap while hugging the stuffy tight to his chest. 

Patton ran his fingers through his son’s hair. 

“Pooh, huh?” Dr. Picani hummed. “I saw you more as a Tigger.” He pointed a finger at Deceit. “And you?”

“I’d be the bees,” Deceit said, earning a laugh from Remus. 

“Anyway, when Piglet says that 'You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes', he’s saying that you sometimes need to go asking for help when you need it.” Dr. Picani nodded at Patton. “You have a family that loves you, Patton. They are willing to help you but they are not mind readers.”

“But Deceit has so much stress already and the kids—”

“Your mental health matters too Patton. You are allowed to love yourself, to put yourself first.” 

Patton picked at his nails.

“I don’t know…”

Deceit bothered his lip as he watched his husband. 

“Patton, honey,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “You need to give yourself room to breathe. Mental health should be regarded with the same attitude as regular health.”

“But…”

Deceit let out a deep breath. Patton could see the frustration burning in his eyes, but it wasn’t directed towards Patton.

“Society has taught you to feel guilty for taking care of yourself,” Deceit began. “But let’s face it. Society and the American educational system has taught us a  _ ton _ of horse shit.”

Patton licked his lips.

“Christopher Columbus being a hero,” he offered.”

Deceit clapped his hands.

“Exactly,” he agreed. “Pat, honey, despite what society says, selfish isn’t always a bad word.”

“Deceit’s right,” Dr. Picani agreed. “In a way, you are isolating yourself, Patton. Eeyore says, ‘A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.’ and the same can be said for yourself. Taking the time to consider yourself and your own feelings will make all the difference in your mental health.” 

Dr. Picani pointed at Remus and Patton looked down, finding his son fast asleep with the Eeyore plushie in one arm while he used the other to cling to Patton. The sight pulled on Patton’s heart and it took every fiber of his being not to squeeze the boy closer. 

“You don’t have to do anything ‘huge’, Patton,” Dr. Picani explained. “Sometimes it's the little things that mend the heart the best. Eeyore was depressed but his friends still included him in adventures and gatherings. They visited, spoke to him, or simply just let their presence known. These little things helped make every day worth living and that can be true for you too, Patton.”

Dr. Picani scribbled something in his notebook. 

“Now, I’ll ask again. Mr. Sanders, is there anything you’d like to speak about?”

Patton looked down at his sleeping son and then at his husband. Tears choked the back of his throat, a strangled sound escaping him as he finally opened his mouth. 

“I...I’m scared,” Patton admitted, voice wobbling. “I...it feels like its just been just one thing after the other lately and I...I keep wondering what’s next.” He watched nervously as Dr. Picani scribbled in his notebook. “And I...I don’t feel like a good dad or a...a husband because of that. I should...I should be prepared, you know?”

He ignored the way Deceit’s face fell, watching nervously as Dr. Picani scribbled in his notebook.

“I don’t know how to make Remus feel loved so that he...he can feel comfortable talking to us. I feel like I’ve tried everything but also nothing and I...it hurts so much seeing him like this.”

Patton looked at Deceit, discovering that his husband was crying too now.

“I’ve put so much pressure on Logan and he’s done so much for us even before the accident and that...that’s not how its supposed to be. He’s a teenager. He’s supposed to be going to the movies and hanging out with friends but he’s always home taking care of us and the boys.” 

Patton laughed, broken. 

“Oh, and then there’s Virgil. He’s still so new to the family but he’s barely had any attention. He’s so new to our family and all this...this...horrible stuff has happened and I...I’m such a bad parent, Dee! Even Roman! My happy little ray of sunshine, he just...he’s had his own struggles and it all just goes right over my head.” 

Patton smeared his tears with the backs of his hands.

”You’re s...so m...much be...better at ta..talking to them, at s...seeing when there….there is something wr...wrong. You’re a … a better f...father and h...husband…”

He trailed off, completely snapping. He barely noticed Deceit get out of his seat and transfer a still sleeping Remus from Patton to Dr. Picani. Nor did he notice when Deceit knelt on the floor in front of him until he opened his eyes, blinking blurrily down at his husband.

Deceit took Patton’s hands, kissing each knuckle, the backs of Patton’s hands, and even his palms. 

“You give me too much credit,” Deceit whispered. “You say I’m a better father, but, Pat, you’re the one who creates all those fun little days like craft day to band the kids together and let them try new things. You’re the one who spouts the positives when I’m too pessimistic to think of any. And despite feeling as bad as you have, you’ve gotten up every morning and put me and the boys first. You made sure that we woke up with smiles and went to bed with even bigger ones.” 

Deceit reached up, cupping his husband’s tear-streaked cheeks. 

“You are a good father, Patton,” he reassured. “And a husband I would marry every morning, afternoon, and night if I could.” 

Deceit pushed a strand of hair out of Patton’s eyes.

“Remember this morning? How happy was I to wake up by your side? How happy were the kids? Do you remember our smiles? Laughter?” Deceit’s thump stroked Patton’s cheek. “Do you really think we’d have mornings like that if you were a bad father or husband?” 

Patton choked and fell forward, toppling out of his chair and into Deceit’s arms. Deceit sat back, Dr. Picani’s desk biting into his back and Patton sitting heavily in his lap. Every fiber of Patton’s being was telling him to pull away, to compose himself. He was too exhausted and even if he tried to, Deceit would only tug him closer.

Almost a half-an-hour ticked by before Patton finally began to calm. His sobs had withered away to soft hiccups and sniffles at this point and his face was no longer oozing tears and snot. 

Dr. Picani handed him and Deceit water and tissues. They drank first and then Deceit helped Patton clean his face. They stood then, taking their seat again and facing the doctor still holding their sleeping son. 

“Do you need anything?” Dr. Picani asked Patton. 

Patton made to shake his head but stopped, his eyes flicking up to Deceit’s. 

“I could use some more water,” he admitted. 

Deceit smiled, looking unbothered by the request. He kissed Patton’s temple and got up from his seat, grabbing some water from the nearby machine. Patton watched as the water slowly filled the tiny cup. It was something so small and simple, yet the action of it alone was enough to make Patton’s heart bloom with a warmth that spread throughout his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I’m gonna make this cute. *gets to the second half* Never mind! ヽ༼ ツ ༽ﾉ ︵┻━┻


	35. A Picnic for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit and Patton take a minute to relax.

Patton sat at the reception desk in the local animal shelter, watching as a mother and daughter played with a fuzzy orange kitten Patton had lovingly named Dorito. He was sighing, but not because another of his fur-babies would be leaving the nest.

“Think our boy has a new home?” Marta, the owner of the shelter asked as she leaned against Patton’s desk. Marta was a broad-shouldered woman with a hooked nose and a taste for overly bright green clothes. Despite being his boss, she and Patton had built a strong friendship fueled by their love for animals. Being his friend, she could tell there was something bothering Patton even without his endless sighing. 

“Let’s hope,” Patton said, not looking up at her.

Marta raised a brow.

“You alright, Pat?” she asked. “You’re looking a little down.”

“Oh.” Patton rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry just been a long couple of weeks.”

“Ah. That’s right. Your husband started going to work again, right?”

“Yep. He’s been adjusting well.”

“And you? If you want to go back to your old schedule you can.”

Patton held up his hands. 

“Oh, I’m alright…” He trailed off, remembering the other day at Dr. Picani’s office. “Well, not really.”

Everything had seemed alright at first, but when he and Deceit had left Dr. Picani’s, a switch was flipped. Patton had driven them home, a tense silence drifting between himself and his husband. At home, Deceit put Remus to bed with Roman and the two fathers went to their own room.

“Patton, honey, talk to me,” Deceit had pleaded while closing the door.

Patton had turned his back to him.

“I’m tired, Dee.”

“I know but—“

“No you don’t!”

The fight didn’t last long, nor was it loud. The kids were sleeping after all and both parents had work in the morning. Still, it had left them exhausted and Patton’s spirits wouldn’t lift no matter how many kittens were adopted throughout the day.

“I didn’t mean to...explode at him,” Patton admitted to Marta. “I just felt so stressed and...and embarrassed.” 

His head flipped forward, head knocking against the table.

“I’m a terrible husband,” he thought to himself.

Marta pat him on the back.

“Hey, why don’t you head home early, huh? I can hold down the fort.”

Patton opened his mouth to argue but Marta pressed a finger to her lips.

“I’m the boss,” she reminded. “I’ll see you later.”

Patton hesitated, but nodded and left the reception desk under Marta’s care. 

* * *

The drive home was quiet. Patton didn’t blast his music like usual or sing little made-up songs. He simply drove in silence, lost in his own thoughts. 

When Patton made it home, he opened the front door, expecting to see the kids come running to greet him. What awaited him, however, was not his kids. Flower petals dusted the floor, framed by the yellow light of the candles outlining the hallway. 

A soft gasp left Patton’s mouth and he carefully followed the flowers to the living room, a hand-clapping over his mouth as he peeked inside. 

The candles and flowers dusted every corner of the room. The couch was pushed up against the wall, several soft blankets layered on the floor in its place. Deceit sat on top of them. A small picnic basket in his lap.

Patton stepped carefully into the room.

“What...what’s all this?” he asked. 

“Just a little something I came up with,” Deceit answered and he opened the picnic basket, fishing out a bottle of Moscato and two glasses. “Care to join me?”

Patton sat down beside his husband, taking a glass and allowing Deceit to fill it. 

“Where’re the kids?”

“Remy took them to the movies,” Deceit answered. “And then they’re staying the night at Thomas’.”

Patton sipped his wine, watching as Deceit pulled sandwiches and cupcakes from the picnic basket. When everything was in place, Deceit cupped Patton’s cheek and kissed him on the lips. 

“I’m sorry for last night,” he said as he pulled back. “I should’ve given you some space.” He forced a smile. “I should know more than anybody how scary letting everything out can be.”

Patton nodded and fiddled with the neck of his wine glass. 

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

Deceit plucked Patton’s hand up from his lap and kissed his husband’s palm. 

“We’ll talk more,” he promised. “But not now. Right now we chill.”

Deceit released Patton’s hand. He raised his drink and Patton clinked it with his own. 

Two bottles of wine later, Patton was rosy-cheeked and leaning contentedly against Deceit’s chest. They were watching a nature documentary on their throne of blankets, giggling at the birds of paradise hopping across the screen. Once and awhile, one of them would start a conversation, random but fun, as both of them would be left wheezing by the end. 

As midnight came and passed, they turned off the TV and traveled upstairs to their shared room. They collapsed on the bed, cuddling against each other until Deceit was half sprawled atop Patton’s chest. 

“Mmm too much wine,” Deceit mumbled. “Bad headache tomorrow.”

“Or a charley horse.”

“Both,” Deceit grumbled and he buried his face into the crook of Patton’s neck.

Patton giggled and wrapped his arms tight around Deceit.

“Thanks for today,” he mumbled against Deceit’s hair.

“Should do it more often.”

“I’d like that.”

Silence drifted between the two as they listened to each other’s breathing. Patton played absently with Deceit’s hair, curling a strand around his finger and watching it bounce back against the other flat strands.

“I love you,” Patton whispered and Deceit hummed, threading his fingers with the hand Patton still had in his hair. He pulled the hand to his mouth, kissing Patton’s fingers. 

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This isn’t related to the fic, but a friend of mine from college has entered the Webtoon short story contest so if you guys have the time and would like to check their comic out, here’s the link: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/blackevar/list?title_no=435991  
> You can also follow and support their work on Instagram @rosejo_studios. They’ve posted 2 episodes so far and I love it <3


	36. A Day at the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and the kids go to the park

In the middle of a local park, the Sanders children were taking advantage of the jungle gym set up under several bright green maple trees. Roman and Remus were on the monkey bars together, challenging each other with tricks that made Patton’s heart leap. Virgil scurried up and down the slide, content playing on his own. There was a slight burn to his nose from where Patton had not applied enough sunscreen. His cheeks were red too but that was more so from all the running.

Patton sat on a nearby park bench, alone. Today was normally a workday for him, but Marta had given him the day off to spend time with the kids. Deceit was at work, having sent a text just a few minutes ago to give Patton a quick update. Patton had glanced at the message but didn’t reply. He felt too tired.

In a way, life was almost like the old days again. Sure Remus still wasn’t talking and Deceit was scarred and struggling with PTSD, but they had gone back to their old way of living for the most part. It should’ve made Patton happy, but at the moment, watching his sons, Patton’s heart felt sour.

“Dad?”

Patton looked up as he heard Logan’s voice. The teen stood by Patton, two ice cream cones in his hands. 

“Brought you one,” Logan said and he handed Patton a strawberry soft serve from a nearby ice cream stand. 

“Thanks, Lo!” Patton said and he went back to watching the kids while he savored his ice cream. It was soft and melted easily against his tongue. The sweetness of the treat drew him from his more ugly thoughts and the smallest of smiles finally reached his eyes. 

Logan sat next to him, enjoying a vanilla cone as he too watched his little brothers play. 

“Dad text you?”

Patton nodded.

“He said we can hold off on picking him up for another hour. He said the paperwork is crazy today,” he said. 

Logan hummed around his ice cream. 

“Sales must be going well today.” 

“I suppose.”

The two sat in silence, watching as Remus ran to the end of the slide and caught Virgil as he slid down. Virgil screeched and tried to wiggle free, but his brother held on tight, dragging him to the ground. The boys giggled and rolled in the dirt, creating a dark plume of dust that obscured them from sight.

Logan laughed, his eyes slipping towards Patton only to find him staring off into the distance with a faraway look in his eye.

“You okay, Dad?”

Patton flinched and looked down at his hands.

“What gave me away?”

“You’re sitting here and not playing with them.”

“You know me too well, Lo.” Patton sighed. “I’m just...stuck in my head. Been thinking about how things are going back to normal.”

Logan frowned.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

Patton shrugged his shoulders.

“I feel like it shouldn’t. That it...that it’s too easy.” Patton sighed. “What happens if I let my guard down? What if something worse happens?”

“Calm before the storm,” Logan hummed with a nod. 

Patton picked at his nails. 

“It’s inevitable.” 

“Especially since I’m such a horrible husband and father,” his brain whispered.

“Maybe,” Logan agreed. “But we’ll be ready for it.”

Patton arched a brow at Logan.

“Oh?”

“We’ll have each other. Just like before.”

Logan stood and held out his free hand. 

“Come on, let’s see if they’ll let us push them on the swings.”

Patton gaped at his son, his lips eventually curving into a smile. He took Logan’s hand, feeling lighter. 

Father and son walked over to the boys, still licking their ice cream.

“I want some! I want some!” Roman cried when he saw Patton’s cone. 

Patton handed it to him, instructing that he share with his brothers.

Roman did, though reluctantly. By the time the ice cream was gone, the sugar had gone to their heads. They raced around the park, everyone piling onto the swings and begging to be pushed. 

Patton and Logan obliged, Patton taking Roman and Virgil while Remus got all of Logan’s attention.

The boys cheered as they flew into the air, Roman being the loudest of them all.

“Pop is the best pusher!” Roman yelled into the wind. 

“I think your daddy is better,” Patton corrected. 

Roman grinned, showing off his loose two front teeth. 

“Dad can never get us this high,” he explained. He held his hands out like a pair of wings, letting out a loud cawing noise.

Patton’s heart warmed. 

“Higher! Higher!” Roman and Virgil cried together. 

Patton obliged and the kids screamed as they soared farther up into the air. He switched places with Logan a few times, helping Remus get just as high. 

When the kids grew sick of flying, they wandered the rest of the park, feeding ducks and chasing squirrels.

Patton and Logan pulled out their phones at some point, documenting Roman as he mimicked the waddle of a mother duck and her babies. He was flapping his arms and wiggling his butt as if he had a tail. 

Remus and Virgil ran into frame, wanting to join Roman as he followed the ducks. Their sudden appearance, however, startled the mother. She hissed, throwing her wings up into the air as she chased after the two boys.

“Run for it!” Logan shouted at them and the boys obeyed. Virgil and Remus bolted down the park pathway, Virgil screaming while Remus cackled. 

“Pop! Help! She’s gonna eat us!” Virgil cried.

Patton hid a laugh behind his hand and handed his phone off to Logan. He raced after his boys then, scooping Remus and Virgil into his arms. Seeing the larger human, the duck backed off, waddling back to Roman and her babies.

“You two okay?” Patton asked while he checked them over.

“I don’t like ducks,” Virgil answered and he clung onto Patton like a frightened cat. 

Patton shook his head and carried the boys back to where Logan was standing. The teen was back to filming Roman, having saved the video of Remus and Virgil running for their lives. 

“How come she doesn’t chase, Ro?” Virgil asked.

Patton pointed at where Roman was still walking with the ducklings. 

“See how slow he’s moving? You two cane up too fast and scared her.”

“Oh.” Virgil looked up at Patton. “Can we try again?”

Patton lowered Virgil and Remus onto the ground, the two boys carefully walking over to Roman and the ducklings. Roman waved them over, showing them how to move, and soon, all three boys were waddling with the ducks.

Laughter filled the park as Logan and Patton watched the boys, and hours later, soft snores filled Patton’s car. He looked over his shoulder, smiling as his boys slept soundly in the back. Logan was in the middle, his Roman and Remus resting on his shoulders. Virgil was next to Roman, head pillowed against the window.

The passenger door opened and Patton smiled as Deceit slid into place. 

“Hey, honey. How was work?”

Deceit sighed.

“Work,” he answered and he glanced at the sleeping boys. “Looks like you wore them out.”

Patton chuckled. 

“Guess they had fun at the park.”

“Course they did,” Deceit hummed and he buckled up. “They had you.”

Patton’s cheeks heated up, a smile reaching his eyes. He pulled out of the parking lot, Deceit pulling a small fidget toy from his pocket. Before Deceit could focus too hard on the toy, Patton tapped at the spot on the dash where his phone was sitting.

“Look at the videos,” Patton instructed. 

Deceit didn’t question his husband, grabbing the phone and taking a look. Within moments, Deceit was doubled over, a hand clamped over his mouth as he shuffled his laughter.

Patton laughed with him, any worries he may have had earlier in the day lost in the past. 


	37. Toe Bean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil spends some one-on-one time with his dads.

Virgil sat in the back of his parents' car, swinging his feet back and forth. His dads were in the front, Patton driving while Deceit fiddled with a fidget cube. It was just the three of them today. Logan was at a classmate’s house while they worked on a school project and both Roman and Remus were at a birthday party. 

Songs from his dads’ favorite musicals played from the speakers. Virgil only knew a few of them but he still tried his best to sing along. Razzle Dazzle from Chicago, Deceit’s favorite, was playing at the moment. The volume was cranked up but Deceit’s voice still overpowered it as he sang along. Sometimes he’d look up from his fidget cube and turn around in his seat to face Virgil. He’d raise his hands in the air, making dramatic hand motions and faces to go along with the lyrics. It made Virgil laugh himself to tears.

“Where are we going?” Virgil asked as Razzle Dazzle finished and began playing a song from Lion King. 

“It’s a surprise,” Patton said and he chuckled, fiddling with his mirror so he could see Virgil pout. “You’re gonna love it, honey. I promise.”

Deceit skipped a few of the song’s on the CD, stopping on When the Chips are Down from Hadestown started playing. Patton joined in for this one and Virgil watched them happily as they sang together.

* * *

They stopped in town, right in front of a shop squished between the movie theater and a hair salon. There was a wooden sign hanging above the main door, the words “Toe Bean” scrawled out beside a painted picture of a cat. 

Deceit left the car first, pocketing his cube and moving to the back of the car to help Virgil out. Virgil in his arms, he waited for Patton to lock the car doors before heading to the front doors.

Virgil’s mouth fell as his dad carried him through a set of wood doors. Candles lit the shop in warm yellow light, bookshelves towered to the roof, and chairs were scattered amongst the ground for readers to lounge. There were cats too, three red and one black. They roamed the shelves, some napping beside the books. 

Deceit set Virgil down and with big eyes, Virgil looked over his shoulder at his parents. 

“Am I in heaven?”

Patton laughed.

“No silly,” he reassured. “This is Toe Bean. It’s a little book store your dad and I come to sometimes.”

A cat walked up to them and Virgil stared at it, fingers twitching. 

“I can pet her?”

“Yep. And read all the books you want,” Deceit answered. 

A squeal of delight left the little boy and he hugged the cat, petting her soft fur. The cat licked his cheek and walked away, leading Virgil to a large shelf filled to the brim with children’s books. Virgil stared at the endless stacks, not knowing where to start.

Patton and Deceit took a seat on a couch, watching as their son slowly created a pile of books for himself. Happy with the stack, Virgil brought the books and the cat to his dads. He sat between them, petting the kitty as his dads took turns reading to him. 

After the fourth book, Virgil’s attention had wandered. He sprawled belly-up on the carpet floor, an orange cat sleeping soundly on his stomach. Deceit was reading a story about pirates, his voice changing every time a new character appeared. Patton was resting, head pillowed on Deceit’s thigh. 

Everything was calm and quiet, just as Virgil liked it. That is until a jingle sounded from the front door’s bell. 

Three sets of eyes looked to the door, finding Remy leaning in the doorway with Starbucks in hand. 

“Hey, babes,” he greeted.

Virgil sat up, disturbing the cat sleeping on him.

“Uncle Remy!” he cried and he jogged over to his uncle, leaping into his arms and jostling his coffee.

“Woah, hey there buddy! Liking the shop?”

Virgil bobbed his head. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. “Do you like playing with the kitties too?”

Remy held up his hands. 

“Uh, hello? Of course, I like kitties. I work here.”

Virgil tipped his head to the side, confused.

“You...don’t work at a coffee shop?”

Deceit burst out laughing, doubling over as tears built in the corners of his eyes. Remy took a long sip from his coffee, casting a hard glare Deceit’s way.

“Uncle Remy is a guidance counselor at Logan’s school,” Patton explained, nudging Deceit with his elbow. 

“What does that mean?”

“I help kids make decisions about school and life in general.” Remy grinned, nodding at Deceit. “Gotta say, my first patient turned out pretty well.”

Deceit smirked, clapping his hands together as he gave his best friend some applause. 

Remy knelt down next to Virgil, ruffling the boy’s hair. 

“In my free time, I work here part-time.” He sipped from his coffee. “Lets me relax.”

Remy stood back up and walked towards the cash register partially hidden by a stack of books. 

“Let me know if you guys need anything!”

Virgil waved goodbye and ran up to Deceit and Patton, leaping between them on the couch again.

“I wanna be like Uncle Remy,” he decided. “He gets to play with books and...and kitties all the time.”

Deceit chuckled.

“Well, part-time he does, but yeah. It’s pretty cool, huh?” Deceit booped Virgil’s nose. “When you’re older, Remy will help you.”

“And so will we,” Patton reassured.

Virgil grinned but it suddenly fell as the room suddenly stiffened. He looked at his dads, Patton no longer looking at him.

“Pop?”

Patton swallowed hard and Deceit reached out, pressing a hand to his back. Patton looked up at Deceit, a silent conversation passing between the two of them, one that Virgil couldn’t understand. 

“Virgil, honey,” Patton said gently, turning his attention onto his son. “Can we talk to you?”

Virgil shrunk back. 

“Did I do something?”

Deceit shook his head and Virgil shrunk further. 

“Is something...wrong with one of you?”

Patton kissed Virgil’s forehead. 

“We’re okay, honey,” Patton reassured. “We...I just...we wanted to apologize...to you.”

Virgil blinked. 

“For what?”

Patton sighed, a wet sheen covering his eyes. 

“You remember how we promised we’d give you a happy, healthy home?”

Virgil nodded. 

“Well, we failed and...and we’re so sorry for that, honey. You deserved so much better. You’ve been with us for almost a year now and you’ve barely gotten any attention. We were doing so good the first four months, but then…”

“But then my accident happened and you…” Deceit sighed, fingers rubbing the scars on his hand. “Well, you fell into the background.”

“You deserve better than that,” Patton urged and he took Virgil’s hands. “We’re going to try to do better, honey. I promise, okay?”

Virgil squeezed Patton’s hands back.

“Is that why we came here?” he asked.

Deceit nodded.

“We wanted to spend some time with you.” He smiled, sad. “It's been a while since it was just us.”

Virgil sighed, shaking his head fondly at the two adults. Logan had told him when he first moved in that their dads were easily worried. They reminded Virgil of his mom, in a way. No matter what was going on, even when she was sick, she always worried about Virgil. He loved her for that and he loved his dads for it too. 

“I’m okay,” Virgil reassured. “You still loved me. I could tell.” He snuggled up against Patton and held Deceit’s hand. “I didn’t need the attention. Home always felt like home.”

Patton’s bottom lip wobbled and he held Virgil closer. 

“You’re too good, Virge.”

Virgil wrapped his arms around Patton.

“Love you too, Pop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Puts another bandaid on Patton's self-love* All better!
> 
> On an unrelated note, I stand with black lives and would like to use this time to spread awareness of how you can help. I'll provide a link to a site packed full of resources you can look into. I know some of you may not be able to donate money despite wanting to so I will also link to a youtube video where 100% of the add revenue goes to supporting black lives. Also, I've noticed fanders have started posting fanart of the sides in support of Black Lives Matter so please support those people by sharing and liking their art. Stay safe out there everyone and lets spread a little love!
> 
> Link for ways to help: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/  
> Link to Zoe Amira's Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM


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